


One Shot of Poison

by roe87



Series: Bucky as a D.C. heroine au [4]
Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anti-Hero, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Domestic Fluff, First Meetings, Fluff, Genderqueer Bucky Barnes, Genderqueer Character, Happy Ending, Harley Quinn Bucky Barnes, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, On the Run, Pining, Poison Ivy Steve Rogers, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Prison, Sassy Bucky Barnes, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Touch-Starved, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Steve Rogers, poisonous, prison break - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2019-10-10 17:38:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 45,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17430482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roe87/pseuds/roe87
Summary: Bucky peered into the cell of one S. Rogers through the little window. There was moss and vines on the walls nearest the cot where Rogers was sitting."Are you really poisonous?" Bucky asked.Rogers ignored him."I'm not a guard," Bucky said. "Don't tell on me, though."That got Rogers' attention. He slowly got up from his bunk and approached the door. He had to stoop some so he could look through the window."Who are you?" he asked, in a voice that was quiet but authoritative.Bucky suppressed the shiver that wanted to run down his spine."I'm Bucky."---What do you get when you put a former psychiatrist-turned-felon with a penchant for dress-up, and a former botanist-turned-eco terrorist with a poisonous touch, in the same lock-up?Answer: a prison break and wild getaway, a whole lot of trouble and a whole heap of fun!





	1. Jailhouse Rock

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DreamweaversDanceofNight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamweaversDanceofNight/gifts).



> Happy Birthday, Dreamweavers! ❤
> 
> ~~
> 
> No prior knowledge of D.C. characters is needed to read this fic, which features Steve, Bucky, and a few other MCU characters.  
> This is a story about Bucky and Steve taking on any corrupt systems they find, in their own unique way. It's not based on any one comic, just features elements that I enjoy (especially the costumes).
> 
> ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Heads up for brief homophobic slur used in begin of chapter.)
> 
> ~
> 
> Edit to add: the awesome Witchylurker has done beautiful art of Harley Bucky! View on [tumblr](https://witchylurker.tumblr.com/post/182304444496/harleyquinnbucky-for-my-dear-friend-jro616-s) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/Witchylurker/status/1088919494989234176), and show Witchy your appreciation! :D
> 
> ~

 

_Give me one shot of poison, a little twist is all I need_

 - Lita Ford

 

 

 

 

 

The day Bucky was apprehended was the day he realised that maybe the man he'd followed around like a lost puppy (his words, not Bucky's) wasn't such a great guy after all.

Bucky knew Crossbones wasn't a hero or anything... like, the name was kind of a dead giveaway. But he hadn't expected to be thrown under a bus either.

They'd been ambushed and got into a shootout with the cops, and when they started running out of ammo Bucky realised they needed a distraction or they'd all be caught. He created the diversion, while Crossbones and his guys escaped.

He'll come for me, Bucky reasoned, as he was handcuffed and read his rights.

He'll come for me.

Bucky was taken to central booking, where they ordered him to strip down and took away his costume. They laughed at him and called him things like fairy and freak. Bucky didn't want to take off his makeup but they insisted.

Dressed in a garish orange jumpsuit and shackled, Bucky was taken to a room where they questioned him.

But Bucky wouldn't tell them anything.

Days passed. Bucky was detained in a small cell and taken out only for questioning. They kept asking him the same questions over and over, getting on his last nerve. After a week, Bucky changed tact: he thought if he told the cops some stuff then Brock would have to come get him, if only to stop him talking.

But Brock never came.

When Bucky ran out of things to tell the cops, he began making shit up. They probably figured out he wasn't useful to them anymore, and got ready to ship him out somewhere else.

"Better be a big escort when you transport me," Bucky told the agent who'd been questioning him, a woman with wavy blonde hair. "He'll break me out."

She looked at him with something like pity, and Bucky's smile faltered.

"I don't think he will, James," she said quietly. "Best you can do now is forget him and rehabilitate yourself. Start afresh."

Bucky didn't know what to say.

All those little jabs and taunts the other cops had made at him (delusional, out of his mind, loser) cut that much deeper now.

"Wait!" he pleaded, as he was led away. "They're not gonna put me in with men, are they? Can't I go someplace else?"

"Sorry," she said wryly, and that was the last Bucky saw of her.

He was taken outside into a yard and loaded into a prisoner transport van. Inside, one prisoner was already shackled up in the main cage and sitting on the bench. A man with short, sandy blond hair.

Bucky was shackled up in the cage opposite him, and the van doors closed.

"At last," the guy said. "Been freezing my ass off in here for over an hour."

"Where are the other prisoners?" Bucky asked, as the van rumbled to life. "Is it just us?"

"Oh, you don't know?" The man gave him a half smile. "We're headed to a black ops site that masquerades as an asylum. Anyone with a skillset they wanna use." He frowned thoughtfully at Bucky. "So, what do you do?"

Bucky shrugged. "I don't know? Blow stuff up, I guess."

The man laughed. "Have I read about you in the news?"

"Um..." Bucky shifted, unsure.

Stating allegiances to strangers could prove tricky, especially if they were about to be locked up together.

"Probably not," he fibbed. "What about you? What do you do?"

"I'm an expert marksman," he said. "Name's Clint."

"Bucky."

"Well, Bucky, if they try to recruit you into anything, watch yourself, okay? Don't trust the government."

Bucky shook his head, wide eyed. "I won't."

 

~

 

The facility wasn't as scary as Bucky had imagined. Which was, yeah, kind of a relief.

It was a secure hospital for mentally disturbed patients. _Allegedly_.

Bucky had been a clinical psychiatrist himself (before he quit his job to run with a bad crowd) and he paid close attention to everything going on at the facility. Nothing seemed out of place to him: the patients were treated well, they got decent meals, group therapy, hot showers, and beds.

They even got rec time if they were well behaved.

Everything seemed relatively normal, except there were whispers among the inmates of patients disappearing, and Clint said it was because they'd been recruited.

Bucky usually sat with Clint at lunch or rec time if he saw him. Clint was a riot: he insisted he used a _bow and arrow_ to shoot people, not a gun. Bucky had laughed so hard the first time Clint told him, he'd fallen off his chair.

Still, Clint was nice. Perhaps even a friend, and Bucky felt like he hadn't had a friend in a long time. Like, whenever Bucky felt dispondent that Brock had forgotten all about him, Clint would dig his elbow into Bucky's ribs and tell him to focus on something else.

Bucky was so bored locked away, he needed something to do to stop himself from daydreaming. He started pranking the docs and the other patients. Nothing huge, but when he managed to blow up the old T.V. set in the rec room and make a huge mess, he was punished with solitary in his cell.

The cells were frustrating, small and claustrophobic. Bucky got so bored, he started running at the walls and flipping over in gymnastic turns, just to amuse himself.

When a doc came to speak to him, Bucky didn't want to talk, but the doc offered him a deal. Time in a training room in exchange for good behaviour.

Bucky said no initially, but as the doc listed off all the gym equipment in the training room, Bucky gave in.

He'd been a gymnast once and, oh, how he missed it.

"I want a trampoline," he said, pushing his face up at the bars.

The doctor, Zola, smiled thinly. "That can be arranged."

 

Bucky loved the training room.

There was a springboard, a box horse, rings, ropes, and after a few days they added a trampoline for him.

Bucky bounced as high as he could, turning somersaults in the air. He wasn't allowed any hair ties so his long hair was flying all over the place, but it was freeing to be in the air again.

He spent more and more time in the gym each week, running obstacle courses on a timer for the docs.

Then Zola asked him if he'd run the course against another player.

"Like a game?" Bucky asked.

"Yes." Zola smiled. "A game. And, if you win, you'll be rewarded."

Bucky shrugged. "Okay."

He was excited to play a game, but when he told Clint about it over lunch, Clint shook his head.

"Bucky. What did I tell you about them recruiting you?"

"But I'm so _bored_ ," Bucky huffed. "I need to do something or I really will go crazy in here."

Clint said in a hushed voice, "You gotta focus on something else, keep your mind occupied so they can't exploit you."

"Focus on what?" Bucky picked at the food on his plate. Meatloaf, again. "I don't have anything."

"You will," Clint told him. "One day."

It was fine for Clint, Bucky thought. He had a plan to escape and meet up with his merc girlfriend on the outside. Bucky didn't have anyone, so why shouldn't he do things that made him happy?

If the government sent him out on a mission or something, he could always run away. He had no loyalty to them, or to Zola.

He had no loyalty to anyone.

 

~

 

Bucky found himself moved to a different section of the facility.

It certainly broke the monotomy. In his new block there were inmates Bucky had never seen before, and even a couple he recognised from the news.

How about that, he thought.

In between more intense training and his downtime, Bucky wandered around the rec hall at lunch and noticed someone sitting alone in the corner. He was big, blond, broad shouldered and handsome.

Bucky sat on another table with some guys to eat his lunch, but he couldn't help looking over at the blond loner.

One of the guys, Scott, noticed, and he nudged Bucky's foot under the table to get his attention.

"I wouldn't, if I were you."

"Huh?" Bucky acted innocent. "Wouldn't what?"

"That guy." Scott gestured to the blond with a subtle nod. "Dangerous. Science experiment gone wrong."

"Oh?" Bucky glanced over at the blond again. He was an Adonis, save for perhaps the slightly crooked nose that hinted he'd been in fights before. But Bucky liked a bit of character.

"Gone wrong, how?" Bucky asked, because he was curious.

"Don't go near him unless you wanna find out," Scott said. "They only put him in here with us because they're watching."

"They always watching." Kurt, Scott's pal, nodded slowly. "They see who talk to who."

Bucky rolled his eyes. "It's just a lunch hall."

"We're still their lab mice," Scott said. "Few weeks back, some douchebag tried to jump Rogers in the showers, ended up dead."

"Rogers? The blond?" Bucky asked.

"Steve Rogers," Scott said. "Just 'cause I know you wanna doodle his name on your cell wall."

Bucky frowned back. "I do not." Except, maybe he did. "So, what'd he do to the guy who jumped him?"

"Didn't have to do much except touch him, since he's poisonous."

"He's what?"

"Don't you watch the news, Bucky?"

Bucky pulled a face. "News is depressing."

"Okay, fair. I'll tell you then," Scott said. "Doctor Steve Rogers was a biochemist, and had some project going with Doctor Abraham Erskine to cook up a new drug that was plant based with less chemicals. Anyway, something went wrong and their lab exploded. Erskine was found dead, but Rogers became walking poison. One touch and you get a rash, fever, or worse: _dead_."

Bucky raised a skepictal eyebrow. "Oh, come on."

"Is true." Kurt nodded along. "No one here touch the man without gloves on, and he sit in solitary most days."

"What, so they just let him in here at lunch without any supervision?" Bucky scoffed. "Don't blow smoke up my ass."

"They wanna see who's stupid enough to approach him."

"Hm," Bucky hummed. "When was this lab explosion?"

"About three years back," Scott said. "He went mad with too much plant serum in his system, or something. That's why he blew up those powerplants outside the city. Didn't you hear?"

Bucky shrugged. "No, I guess I didn't."

Three years, he thought. Three years of not being touched by anyone?

That sounded rough.

 

 

 

 


	2. You Looking For Trouble?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that this chapter has some canon typical violence, please see Chapter End Notes if you wish to see full warnings. Thanks!
> 
> ~

 

 

Bucky decided to visit the blond.

He was interesting and attractive, and Bucky was curious. He was also very determined when he had good reason to be, so he stole a guard's uniform from laundry and made a detour after his training one day.

Bucky peered into the cell of one S. Rogers through the little window. There was moss and vines on the walls nearest the cot where Rogers was sitting.

"Are you really poisonous?" Bucky asked.

Rogers ignored him.

"I'm not a guard," Bucky said. "Don't tell on me, though."

That got Rogers' attention. He slowly got up from his cot and approached the door. He had to stoop some so he could look through the window.

"Who are you?" he asked, in a voice that was quiet but authoritative.

Bucky suppressed the shiver that wanted to run down his spine.

"I-I'm Bucky."

"Bucky," Rogers said, studying him. His eyes were very blue. "I don't like being stared at."

"Oh," Bucky said in surprise. "Sorry, I- I just wanted to say hey without them watching. I looped the security feed so I only got four minutes."

Rogers blinked. "You... how did you do that?"

Bucky grinned, pleased. "People underestimate me. I take advantage of that."

Rogers nodded once, like he understood. "So. What did you want?"

"I dunno..." Bucky inched closer. "Thought you'd want a friend."

"Why?" Rogers questioned.

Bucky chewed on his lip, starting to worry he was being a nuisance. "I don't know," he murmured. "It's nice to have friends?"

"Well, the last friend I had wound up dead," Rogers snapped. "You should just go."

Bucky's face heated with a flush. "Okay. Sorry, I guess..." He slunk off down the hall, feeling embarrassed.

Bucky was used to striking out, but his luck must be getting worse.

He didn't mention the encounter to anyone, and tried to forget all about Rogers.

 

A few days later, Bucky overheard Luis telling Dave that some of the inmates were planning to jump Rogers when he left the rec hall.

Bucky stopped eating and looked up. "Are you sure?"

Luis nodded. "Yeah, man. Literally just heard Rollins, you know, that huge guy with the tattoos all over him, tell another guy to do it after lunch, when we're walking back to our cells."

"Shit," Bucky murmured.

"Don't get involved," Dave told him.

"Yeah," Luis agreed. "Rogers can take care of himself, man."

Bucky looked over at Rogers, sitting alone and barely touching his food, not looking at anybody.

Standoffish guy, but Bucky felt for him. Plus, Rollins was a huge jerk.

Bucky didn't eat the rest of his lunch, and did a few subtle warmup stretches at the table instead.

Luis shook his head. "Man. No."

"It'll be fine," Bucky said.

When the bell chimed to signal rec time was over, they all had to get up to return their trays and then file off along the hall. Most inmates were headed back to their cells.

Bucky watched Rogers, still on his own, then glanced over to check where Rollins was, a few tables away with his meathead buddies.

They were watching Rogers too.

When Rogers walked past with his tray, Bucky got up and made sure he fell in behind Rollins and his guys. They returned their trays at the front, and headed to the exit where the guards with tasers were stationed.

Any attack would likely happen out in the hall, Bucky thought. Once they were past those guards, the hall was long and narrow, with no escape routes.

Bucky kept behind Rollins in the line as they walked down the hall, and he watched Rollins and his men closely.

Slowly they approached the halfway point between guards. Rollins fiddled with his sleeve cuff, and Bucky saw the point of a shiv in his palm.

"Rogers, look out!" Bucky shouted, and aimed a hard kick at the back of Rollins' knee.

Rollins went down with a grunt of surprise, just as Rogers spun round and aimed a punch at Rollins' head.

A normal punch wouldn't have done much to a giant like Rollins, but Rogers' punch snapped Rollins' neck with a loud crack, then his huge body slumped lifeless to the floor.

That was no regular punch.

Bucky looked from the body of Rollins to Rogers like he couldn't believe his own eyes.

Rollins' buddies, clearly shocked, edged back into the gathering crowd. Rogers was safe, and he stood there calmly looking at the other inmates, like he was challenging anyone else to step up.

His eyes landed on Bucky, and he gave a little nod of thanks.

Bucky smiled, but then the guards stepped in and broke it up, taking Rogers back to his cell.

 

~

 

Rogers didn't come to the rec hall for a few days after that incident, and Bucky wondered if he should visit him.

Scott and Luis were busy planning something, and Bucky only tuned in during one lunch break when they asked if he was with them.

Bucky stopped gazing at the empty table Rogers usually sat at. No one else would touch it.

Bucky looked between Scott and Luis, then Kurt and Dave all waiting for his reply. "Yeah, sure," he said, not really bothered. "What am I doing?"

"We got it all planned out," Luis said. "We just need someone to be bodyguard while we, like, mess with the system."

"Then it's into laundry uniforms and out the door," Kurt added.

"So, you want me on point?" Bucky asked.

"Yes," Scott said. "Knock out anyone who finds us."

Bucky plunged his spoon into his pudding cup, not really hungry, just playing with his food. "If you want someone strong," he mused, "we should break out Rogers."

"What?" Scott blustered.

"No," Kurt said, as Luis shook his head. "If you want that, you're on your own."

Bucky nodded. "Alright."

 

Within a week, they were ready. The plan was set.

Rogers still hadn't reappeared in the lunch hall, but Bucky had checked his location: Rogers was being kept in his cell.

After the lunch rotations had started, Bucky escorted Dave and Kurt to the cell block's surveillance room. Bucky and Dave subdued the guards and tied them up in the closet. Kurt hacked the system, setting the looped security feeds. Then they put on the guard's uniforms and went to meet Luis and Scott with the laundry carts.

Acting as guards escorting inmates with the laundry, they met the laundry van out in the loading bay, and rolled the carts up the ramps to the back of the van.

They had to knock out the driver and put him in the van too, and get Scott to switch clothes with him, as he was their most inconspicuous-looking white guy. Scott, now in the driver's uniform, got into the driver's seat of the van.

Luis, Dave and Kurt hid in the back, as Bucky got ready to close the doors.

"Your window is at two PM exactly," Kurt told him.

Bucky saluted casually and shut the door, banging on it to signal for Scott to leave.

The van left, driving across the yard and through the secure gates. Bucky watched over his shoulder as he headed back inside, relieved to see when the van got through.

Bucky entered the facility again, and felt a little separation anxiety without his friends around him as he waited in a stairwell, checking his stolen watch for the time.

When it struck two, Bucky entered the hall and tried to appear at ease.

His hair was tucked up into the guard's hat he wore, and he strolled over to the cell where Rogers was.

Here goes nothing, he thought.

Bucky opened the little window hatch, and recoiled in surprise at the smell of mold and mildew inside.

"Whoa." He coughed lightly. "Hey, Blondie, you in there?"

"Bucky?"

"Yeah." Bucky peered in, and Rogers came up to the window. Bucky's eyes widened when he saw that Rogers' skin was a mottled green shade. "What happened? Are you ill, or something?"

Rogers shrugged one shoulder. "Yes and no. They're denying me my medicines. Probably want to see what happens to me."

"Shit," Bucky said. "Well, um... I'm here to bust you out. Unless you don't wanna?"

"For real?"

"Yeah. Hang on..." Bucky swiped the key card Kurt had given him at the door, and entered the code. It pinged with a green light and clicked open. Bucky pulled at the door. "We got maybe three minutes to get into the air vent over there, and crawl outta this shithole. Think you can do it?"

Rogers may have looked a bit green, but he set his jaw with determination and nodded. "You go first, so you don't touch anything that I touch," he said.

"Um." Bucky glanced down at the floor of Rogers' cell, noticing it had a faint greeny-yellow shimmer to it. "Okay. Try not to leave a trail for the guards to find us?"

Rogers gave him a half smile. "I'll try."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~  
> Chapter warnings in full:
> 
> In the prison, Bucky learns of a plan by some inmates (led by Rollins) to attack Steve in the hallway, so he warns Steve.  
> Steve punches Rollins' hard, killing him instantly, and Bucky realises that Steve has superstrength. 
> 
> Brief and not graphic scene. 
> 
> ~


	3. Gonna Be A Jailbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of canon typical violence as they bust out, please see Chapter End Notes if you want to see full warnings. Thanks!
> 
> ~

 

They crawled through the air ventilation shaft on hands and knees, with Bucky leading the way. He tried to remember the turns he'd memorised, but got a bit confused on the sixth turn.

It was a little harder to think in a confined space with Rogers' strange scent clogging up his nose. It was... nice, but unusual. Like being too close to a plant with an overpowering pollen scent, or something.

Bucky shook his head, trying to focus.

"Are you sure you know where we're going?" Rogers asked.

"Zip it, Blondie," Bucky told him. "Some of us are thinking here."

Rogers exhaled on a laugh, but he didn't nag again.

Bucky repeated the directions once more under his breath, "Left, right, right, right, left... right!" He crawled to the right, with Rogers following behind him.

"How much further?" Rogers piped up.

"Ssh," Bucky hushed him, and whispered, "We can either go to the loading bay and catch the garbage collection, or up to the roof and try to find a way down."

"Wouldn't going up to the roof be a vertical climb through the vent?"

"Yes," Bucky said. "What's the matter? Been neglecting your squats?"

"Head to the loading bay," Rogers said firmly. "I don't think I'll make the climb up right now."

Bucky took them to the loading bay, and as he approached the vent to the outside he gestured for Rogers to stay quiet. Bucky peered through the gaps to check if the area was clear.

The loading bay was for the facility's trash: food and general waste, and it stank. There weren't any trucks in sight yet, which meant they'd have to wait for one to appear.

"Huh." Bucky checked his watch. "Either we just missed the truck or it's running late."

"So what's your plan when the truck gets here?" Rogers asked.

"Bust out and take down the driver," Bucky said. "Drive off with the truck."

"Did you consider... that your plan is garbage?" Rogers said, and snickered at his own joke.

Bucky twisted himself around in the small space to throw Rogers an unimpressed look. "Listen, Blondie––"

"Steve."

"Listen, _Steve_ ," Bucky amended, "if we get caught you'll have my permission to make fun of my plan. But if we get outta here then you can go ahead and kiss my ass and tell me how awesome I am. Got it?"

Steve smirked at him. "Deal."

"Right. By the way," Bucky added, "once we're out, what do you need to not be so... green?"

Steve shook his head. "I'll sort it out."

"Let me help," Bucky said. "You're clearly sick."

"I'm fine."

"Maybe with my help, you'll be fine quicker, huh?"

Steve stared at him, so Bucky stared back. Finally Steve said, "Don't you have other things to do?"

Bucky made a considering face. "Besides getting a good coffee and some decent hamburgers? Not really."

Steve exhaled quietly. "Alright."

Bucky smiled, victorious, and turned back around to keep watch through the vent.

The minutes dragged on as they waited, and just when Bucky thought they'd have to backtrack and head to the roof after all, a truck rumbled into the loading bay.

"Thank fuck," Steve muttered, as Bucky took hold of the vent's grate to test it.

"When they parked up and start loading the trash," he whispered, "I'll go out and distract the driver. I'll call you when it's safe to come out."

Steve, still in his prison issue orange jumpsuit, nodded. "Be quick," he said. "I'm getting cramp."

Bucky smothered a chuckle. "That's what you get for being so tall," he quipped. "Okay, shut up while I concentrate."

He watched the truck back into the loading bay, beeping its arrival. It stopped and when the driver got out, Bucky knew he'd have to go around to the panel on the wall and press a button to release all the stinky trash bags.

Bucky waited until the driver went to the wall panel, and the trash container started to unload, releasing the bags.

With all that noise to cover him, Bucky yanked on the vent grate until it broke free, and he slid out. He crouched low and looked around.

No one else there.

Bucky got up and set the grating back in place. Steve had crawled closer and he held onto it. "Good luck," he said, and Bucky walked away.

He had to make it look like he was a guard on patrol. Walk casually. Bucky approached the truck, nodded to the driver loading the trash who barely looked at him twice. Bucky subtly kept watch for any other guards.

The coast was clear for now, as most of the guards would be supervising the lunch rotations.

Sweat beaded at Bucky's temple, and he couldn't wait any longer. He went up to the driver and told him that he had an order to inspect the cab of the truck.

"What the hell for?" the driver complained.

"Beats me," Bucky said, forcing a casual air into his voice. "Just a quick look will do it, pal."

The driver went to his cab door, amid much complaining, and opened it. Bucky took the chance to pull out the gun from his belt, and pistol-whipped the guy's head to knock him out cleanly.

Bucky caught the body as he dropped, and manoeuvred him into the truck. He started undoing the guy's shirt, and made quick work of swapping uniforms. He left the unconscious driver in the foot-well of the truck, and shut the door.

Heart beating fast (they were close, _so_ close to freedom) Bucky walked back into the loading bay, to the air vent where Steve was waiting.

Two guards appeared, coming around the corner, and Bucky had to pull his hat down and backtrack to the trash being loaded.

The guards followed him. "Hey," one of them said.

Bucky pretended not to hear, and carried on walking to the truck.

"Hey! Stop right there and turn around!"

Bucky stopped, and slowly turned to face the guards.

"What's the problem?" he asked.

The guards raised their taser batons at him. "Hands up," one said.

Behind the guards, Bucky saw Steve roll out from the vent: he had the grating in his hands and it clanged on the concrete.

As the guards turned to see what the noise was, Bucky jumped in to wrestle with one of them, while Steve smashed the grating onto the other guard.

The guard wrestling with Bucky pressed his taser to Bucky's ribs and shocked him with volts. Bucky gasped from the impact as his body was gripped with convulsions, but Steve broke them apart and knocked the guard down.

The taser left Bucky's body but his legs gave way.

Steve caught him.

"Was that part of your plan?" he asked, helping Bucky to the truck.

Bucky couldn't speak, was too busy trying to breathe and trying _not_ to throw up.

Steve got him into the truck, sat him on the passenger seat. "Try not to touch my bare skin," he warned, shutting the door and climbing over Bucky to get into the driver's seat.

Steve started the truck and put it into gear. "Let's blow this joint."

 

Bucky thought he'd only blinked his eyes shut, but it must've been for longer than that.

When he came to, the truck was coming to a stop and he realised he was lying on his side across the passenger seat.

He'd also thrown up a little down his shirt, and recoiled at the smell.

"You okay?" Steve asked.

"Ugh..." Bucky wiped his mouth and made to sit up, but Steve said, "Wait a sec while I pull in."

Bucky stayed down low, and looked up at Steve. He'd removed the top half of his orange jumpsuit and rolled it down to his waist, leaving only a dirty white undershirt on.

Bucky got a bit distracted gazing at Steve's bare arms and shoulders. He was _ripped_.

His skin was still pretty green though.

Steve parked the truck and killed the engine. He looked down at Bucky, wearing the cap that'd belonged to the driver.

Bucky mustered a giggle. "You sure look the part, trucker boy."

Steve's lips twitched in a smile as he looked at Bucky, then he looked up again to check their surroundings.

"We're at a gas station. I figure we should lose the truck, steal a car and get into the city faster."

"Works for me," Bucky said.

"I've still got half an orange jumpsuit on," Steve pointed out, "and it says property of U.S. Government down the legs. Also, I'm green. So, as you're in a uniform, think you can get us a car?"

Bucky grinned. "No problem."

 

When Steve told him it was safe to go, Bucky got out of the truck. He strolled around to the only car getting gas, a people carrier, as the owner paid at the pump.

"That's some sweet ride," Bucky said, getting up close.

The man, in an ill-fitting suit, looked at him smugly.

"Sure is," he drawled.

"Did you notice the smoke coming from your back wheel?" Bucky gestured with his thumb. "Thought I'd do the decent thing and let you know."

"What?" The man put his wallet away and went around the back.

Far too easy, Bucky thought.

Bucky convinced him to check inside the trunk first, then tossed him in. Bucky took his keys and wallet, closed the trunk on him and locked it. Bucky looked over at the truck where Steve was waiting, and swung the keys around his finger with a grin.

He headed to the driver's side of the car, got in and started the engine. He let out an excited squeal as the radio came on too, playing one of his favorite classic rock songs.

The passenger door opened and Steve got in. "Drive," he said, pulling on his seatbelt.

"With pleasure." Bucky put his foot down and peeled out of the gas station. "Next stop, New York City!"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~  
> Chapter warnings in full:
> 
> Quick scuffle with the guards, Bucky gets a brief tasering (tasing? whatever) but Steve comes to the rescue. 
> 
> Brief, not graphic. 
> 
> ~


	4. Like Bonnie and Clyde

 

 

They switched cars in a car lot using the same tactics as before: Bucky knocked out the new driver and stuck him in the backseat of the car from the gas station.

Sooner or later, both drivers would get found no worse for wear. No big deal.

He got into the car with Steve, who was starting to shiver in his undershirt. Bucky set the car's air conditioning to warm, and took his jacket off to give to Steve.

"We need clothes," Bucky said. "And, no offence, but we also need showers."

Steve nodded. "I need to raid some drug stores or their suppliers, and find a lab."

"A lab?" Bucky drove them out of the car park, and headed for downtown. "What sort of lab?"

"Any place secure where I can hole up for a while and run tests on myself."

Bucky blew air between his lips, thinking. "Somewhere secure... maybe an abandoned building? First, though, we need to look less..." He glanced at Steve. "Green and orange."

"I'll look less green when I have my regular dose of meds," Steve snapped.

"Okay, Blondie, chill," Bucky said. "Not criticising, just saying."

Steve was really starting to shiver, so Bucky shut up and drove faster. He took them to a boxing gym in Hell's Kitchen that was run by someone he knew.

Bucky parked around the back, and left the keys in the ignition of the car with the driver's door open.

Someone would take the car, and it would throw off anyone who was trying to follow their trail.

Bucky led the way into the gym and pointed Steve to the changing area with showers, while he went to find Peter Quill.

Before he made it very far, Quill came out of a side office with a big grin on his face.

"Hey, man! Early parole?"

"Uh, not exactly," Bucky admitted.

Quill chuckled. "Say no more! What do you need?"

"Just a shower and some warm clothes," Bucky told him. "Then we'll split."

"We?"

"Oh, yeah. This guy's new," Bucky explained. "It's not anyone I ran with before."

"Well, not gonna lie, that's a relief," Quill said. "Okay, man. Come in."

Quill beckoned him into the office and started gathering items together. "Got some promotional sweats. They should do the trick, right?"

Bucky took the clothes Quill handed to him. "They don't advertise your gym, do they?"

"Nah, man. It's some protein brand. I got sports brand sweats too. Very generic, they get sent to lots of gyms in the city."

"Sweet."

"Don't have any shoes, though. Unless..." Quill produced a lost and found box. "Take your pick from anything in there."

"Ew," Bucky murmured.

But it was better than nothing.

He went to join Steve in the changing area, took his own shower, and they changed into the sweats and borrowed shoes. Bucky said a quick thanks to Quill before they left, and they headed out the back entrance.

"Do you want to eat first?" Bucky asked as they loped along the backstreets. "Or do we gotta visit a drugstore, like, immediately?"

Steve sighed. "I guess I am pretty hungry. My metabolism is fast."

"We can get some food and make a plan," Bucky suggested. "Then find the stuff you need."

Steve gave him a tired smile. "Okay. Thanks."

 

Working with Steve was actually pretty easy.

They found a back way into a drug supply store, got in and found the items Steve needed, then got out quick.

The neighborhood was run down, and they holed up in an abandoned apartment building while Steve went through the bags of prescription drugs they'd stolen. Bucky watched as Steve prepared a syringe with a vial of something, then pulled his pants down and jabbed the needle into his buttock.

"What's that?" Bucky asked, curious.

"Testosterone," Steve said, pressing down on the syringe very slowly. "It'll help for now."

Bucky watched quietly, noting the concentration on Steve's face as he was twisted around to do the injection.

"You know," Bucky said, "I've done basic med. I could've done an intramuscular injection for you."

Steve looked at him blankly for a moment, then pulled the needle from his butt. "Noted." He pulled up his pants and began to wrap the used needle in a secure packet. "I need somewhere more permanent, and clean."

"To set up the lab?"

"Yes."

Bucky clapped his hands together in excitement. "Can I be your lab assistant?"

"Maybe," Steve said, mouth turning up at the corners.

 

~

 

Working with Bucky was surprisingly easy, Steve found.

Bucky had knowledge, useful contacts, and came up with ideas and plans that Steve wouldn't have considered on his own.

Then again, Steve _was_ slightly concerned about how green he'd become, so he was a bit distracted and not firing on all cylinders right now.

Bucky found them an abandoned building: this time a veterinary clinic that'd gone out of business. Clearly no one else had wanted to buy the place in this part of town.

It was kind of perfect, once Steve had given it a thorough scrub down with disinfectant. Bucky helped, and they started with the bigger exam room first. There was even boxes of supplies left behind in storage cupboards, scrubs and plastic gloves, which Steve put on to minimise spreading the powdery, toxic substance from his skin.

He took inventory, and made lists of things he needed right now to set up, and things he'd need for later.

"Ooh, a list!" Bucky exclaimed. "Are we gonna go steal some shit?"

Bucky was extremely curious, Steve had found.

They were currently taking a break, sitting in the clinic's dusty waiting room and eating take-out.

"Yes," Steve replied. "You don't have to come with me, though."

"And miss all the fun? No way!" Bucky protested. "What do you need?"

"Standard lab equipment, and also some medical supplies that aren't so standard," Steve said. "We'll need black clothes to slip in undetected."

"Boring," Bucky yawned, then his eyes widened and he added, "Ooh! Can we wear masks?"

"Um, I guess?"

"Yay!" Bucky cheered, waving his take-out box and spilling noodles on Steve's clean floor.

 

They broke into one of the city's smaller storage facilities at night, with only one guard that Steve subdued with his bare hand over the guy's mouth until he passed out. Meanwhile Bucky hacked into the security feed to disable the cameras and erase any footage of them.

They grabbed everything on Steve's list, including personal sun lamps. Running up and down the aisles of the darkened warehouse with a wheely trolley to carry their goods, they picked what they wanted off the shelves.

Bucky got so excited he turned cartwheels, like they were playing a game and not stealing thousands of dollars worth of supplies and equipment.

Steve hurried him along and they left quickly, loading up their van (that Bucky had acquired) and drove away.

Steve started to feel excited too. Finally he'd have a lab again.

"We should celebrate!" Bucky said, driving the van.

Steve took off the black hat and mask he'd worn, noting the green powdery residue left on the material.

The sooner he could control his own medicine again and get himself less green, the better.

"Celebrate, how?" he asked. "We can't exactly go out on the town, we're wanted fugitives."

"I meant more like, get some take-out and alcohol," Bucky said.

"I don't think alcohol affects me," Steve told him.

"That sucks," Bucky mused. "We do need food, though. I'll stop somewhere and pick stuff up. You can lay low, plant boy."

"It gets funnier every time you say that," Steve said flatly.

"Green machine?" Bucky suggested. "Lean and green? The green hornet?"

"Just stop, please."

"Okay, sorry." Bucky grinned. "I'm only messing with you, Blondie."

Steve suppressed a smile.

He had to admit, Bucky had grown on him. And he wouldn't have gotten out of that government facility without Bucky's help, nor have set up so fast on his own.

An unlikely partnership it was, but Steve needed Bucky right now. He wasn't entirely sure what Bucky was getting out of it, especially when it appeared that Bucky already knew plenty of people on the outside, and was reasonably friendly with them.

If Bucky already had friends, why stick with Steve?

Steve figured he'd worry about it later, when he was back to normal. Or, whatever was approaching normal for him now.

 

Bucky parked the van and went into a late night store. Steve waited for him, and Bucky came back out with a couple of bags, seeming jittery and excited.

"Did they have your favorite chips or something?" Steve asked.

"Huh? No." Bucky looked shifty as he started the van again. "Just... nothing."

Steve raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

They got back to base, unloaded all the stuff, and made sure they were locked up and secure for the night. Then they ate take-out in one of the little backrooms because there was a kitchen there already.

Bucky made up some drinks, mixing spirits together with a splash of soda. Steve did try some but as he'd suspected, his metabolism burned through everything too fast now. The alochol had little to no effect.

Bucky sure had fun drinking though, giggling to himself and twirling around the room with his take-out box.

Steve went to unpack his supplies in the lab room, so he could start bright and early in the morning.

"We'll need lab coats," Bucky slurred, wandering in and leaning on a counter. He knocked back another drink. "I'll get us lab coats."

"Okay," Steve said absently, as he ticked off items from his inventory. He had most of the items from his list for phase one.

Bucky mumbled something about taking a leak, then wandered off again.

Steve carried on unpacking, and a half hour later he was mostly done and ready for sleep.

"Bucky?" He went searching for the wayward brunet. "I'm gonna hit the hay."

He opened the door to the little bathroom and stumbled upon Bucky, who was pressed up close to the stained mirror on the wall.

Bucky whirled around and hid something behind his back.

"What're you doing?" Steve asked.

Bucky looked very guilty. "Nothing," he murmured, then hiccuped.

Steve looked closer and saw Bucky's lips were painted a shiny, bright red, and there was mascara on his eyelashes.

"Make-up?" Steve guessed. "You don't have to hide that, Bucky. It doesn't bother me in the slightest."

Bucky slumped in obvious relief. "Well, good, because this lipstick was expensive... _if_ I'd have paid for it, hah."

Steve smiled. "It suits you. Your, you know... your complexion, it looks... nice."

Bucky blinked back at him wide eyed, then smiled slowly. "Thanks, Blondie."

Steve cleared his throat and said, "Anyway, I'm going to sleep. G'night."

"Night," Bucky replied. "Sweet dreams."

"And you."

"No, I meant the lipstick," Bucky said, holding it up. "It's called sweet dreams. It came in a pack with a miniature perfume, too. One of those teeny tiny atomisers you keep in your purse."

"Oh," Steve said, then raised an eyebrow as they continued just staring at each other. "So...? I don't want any."

"No, I'm just telling you."

"Oh. Well, okay, then. G'night, Bucky."

Steve went to the room where they'd put their mattresses, and laid down to go to sleep.

A little while later, Bucky stumbled in and plopped down onto his own mattress, trailing the sweet scent of perfume with him.

The scent stuck in Steve's nose, and he opened his eyes as an idea formed in his head: if he were to capture the toxic elements in his system and concentrate the formula, it could be distributed by an atomiser too.

 

 

 


	5. Partners in Crime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up for Steve's lab tests on himself: one injection shown, brief and not graphic.
> 
> ~

 

 

"Bucky," Steve said the next morning, "you're a genius."

Bucky was curled up in his sleeping bag, probably with a hangover, and groaned.

"I need to get started right away," Steve said, and dashed off to his lab.

Bucky didn't emerge until hours later, when Steve was engrossed in his work.

"Ugh, my head," Bucky complained, rubbing his face. He still had make-up on, a bit smeared now. "How come you don't have a hangover?"

"Alcohol doesn't affect me," Steve reminded him, setting up his sterile work station.

He'd start running blood tests on himself today.

"That's hardly fair," Bucky yawned, then wandered away muttering about coffee.

When he came back, he'd cleaned his face and tied his long hair up into a pony. He waved a mug of coffee under Steve's nose to get his attention, and Steve took it.

Coffee didn't affect him either, but he enjoyed the taste.

"So," Bucky said, looking around at all the vials, test tubes, and charts. "What're you doing, exactly?"

"Phase one is testing," Steve said, dipping a pippet into a test tube. "So I can progress to phase two."

"Mm." Bucky leaned closer to see over Steve's shoulder. "Well, that's vague as fuck."

"Look, Bucky, can you––"

"Doctor Barnes."

Steve looked at him. "Huh?"

"It's Doctor Barnes," Bucky repeated, and smiled deviously. "Blondie."

"You're a doctor?" Steve said, surprised.

"Clinical psychiatrist. I did some basic med, too," Bucky told him. "If I go put on a lab coat and glasses, will you believe me?"

"I... no, I believe you."

"Do you want a diagnosis?"

"What?" Steve said. "No."

"Are you sure?" Bucky grinned. "You're showing signs of perfectionism."

Steve frowned at him. "Did you want something?"

"I wanna help. I'm bored."

"Alright," Steve sighed. "But you gotta do exactly as I tell you."

"Because you're a perfectionist," Bucky sing-songed, so Steve took a plastic glove from the box and made as if to ping it at Bucky, who turned away with his arms up.

"Uncle, uncle!" he laughed. "Don't flick me!"

Steve smiled, but he put the glove down. "No mucking about," he said firmly. "There's a lot of dangerous chemicals here, and most of them came from me. In fact, you should wear a mask or you'll start to feel light headed from the fumes."

"I love masks!" Bucky declared.

"I meant over your mouth and nose area," Steve pointed out. "Not that eye mask you wore last night."

"Oh." Bucky looked crestfallen.

"But," Steve added quickly, "you could wear the eye mask too, I guess?"

Bucky gave him a bright smile in response. "Okay!"

 

~

 

"Would you pass me the petri dish, Doctor Barnes?" Steve asked him, drawing out a drop of formula from a test tube.

"Yes, Doctor Rogers," Bucky replied, voice muffled a little by the paper mask over his face. But he'd deal with it if it meant getting to be lab assistant.

He placed the petri dish, containing a sample of Steve's blood, onto the counter in front of Steve. The small blob of blood inside the dish was already taking on a green shade.

"Thank you, Doctor Barnes." Steve leaned in as he carefully deposited one drop of formula to the petri dish.

Bucky leaned in too, watching eagerly.

Steve put down his pippet and test tube, then set the petri dish under the microscope. "Hm," he said, peering through the lens.

"Any good?" Bucky asked.

"Hm," Steve said again, and adjusted the microscope. "It's certainly doing something. Perhaps a bit too fast." He sighed and took the petri dish out, labelled it and set it aside with the other samples. "I'll have to dilute the formula again."

"Right." Bucky got the little rack of test tubes ready.

They worked all day, well into the night until Steve had a breakthrough. He insisted on using the formula on himself, and judging by how green his skin was getting, Bucky wasn't going to argue with him.

He just hoped Steve knew what he was doing.

Steve sat down in a chair and Bucky helped him get ready for the injection. This one would be into his arm, and Steve wanted to do it himself.

"Just in case anything goes wrong," he said, taking the needle out of Bucky's hands.

"Um. Okay," Bucky said, watching nervously.

Steve stuck the needle in and pressed on the plunger slowly. Bucky bit his lip, and held out the sharps box for when Steve was done.

"How'd you feel?" Bucky asked, as he pulled up a chair next to Steve.

"No different," Steve said, holding up his arm so he could examine the crook of his elbow where the injection had gone. "God, I hope this works."

"Yeah." Bucky rested his chin on his hand, watching Steve's skin too.

In less than a minute, the green shade of Steve's skin started to change: the red dot where the injection had gone in was now surrounded by flushed pink skin, with the green drawing back.

"Is that just my eyes, or is it working?" Steve asked.

Bucky grinned back. "I think it's working."

 

They worked on Steve's formula for days without a break, using Steve as a test subject. Steve's skin was definitely less green, taking on a more regular shade of pale pink: a real peaches and cream complexion.

He also seemed in a much better mood, and started adding injections of hormones to his formula.

Bucky didn't mean to pry, but he was curious by nature. "Why the hormones?" he asked one day, pulling his face mask off as he sat and ate his lunch: take-out again.

Steve hadn't stopped to eat yet. If he didn't stop soon, Bucky would pester him to take a break. His shoulders tensed at Bucky's question, but he didn't look away from his microscope.

"I'm trans," Steve said.

Bucky chewed on his mouthful thoughtfully, then asked, "Did they let you have your hormones in the facilty?"

"Nope."

"Assholes," Bucky said. "So, now you got 'em and all, are things peachy?"

Steve side-eyed him from the microscope. "Peachy? Maybe... I don't have any research to go on for myself now, since the accident changed my whole body."

"You mean, made you green and strong?"

Steve exhaled in a puff, which Bucky had come to recognise as him trying not to laugh.

"In a sense," Steve said. "My entire DNA structure has been altered. My blood has aloe in it, my skin cells have chlolorfyl and toxins in them. I honestly don't know how I'm still functioning right now."

"Pure stubborness?" Bucky teased, giving Steve a cheeky smile.

Steve huffed again, and sat back in his chair. "I wanted to make drugs that were more accessible to patients, and less toxic to the environment. So I used plant extracts wherever I could. I didn't expect to be a walking test subject."

"Well, you're the expert," Bucky told him, slurping up his noodles. "You'll figure it out."

Steve sighed again, and Bucky made a noise to indicate he eat his lunch.

"The expert's gotta eat," he said.

"Alright," Steve said, reaching for his take-out. "Although at some point we should eat something other than noodles and pizza."

Bucky's eyes went wide. "Like hamburgers?"

This earned a smile from Steve.

"Not what I meant, Bucky. We need to eat fruit, vegetables. A salad once in a while."

"Would've thought you'd want a break from the green stuff," Bucky joked, then ducked as Steve threw a chopstick at him.

 

 

 

 


	6. Play With Me

 

 

Bucky didn't like wearing a mask and gloves all the time in the lab.

But it turned out that Steve got so engrossed in his work once he was on the right track, he didn't seem to need a lab assistant anymore.

At least not every hour of the day, and Bucky started to feel bored. He hung around their little hideout making adjustments, trying to make it more liveable, but he could only do so much on his own before he craved some excitement. Bucky didn't want to annoy Steve, and he was well aware that he could be clingy and annoying (or so people had told him in the past) so he got dressed in some regular clothes and leather jacket, put his domino mask in his pocket, and told Steve he was headed out.

Steve barely looked up from his formulas, and Bucky rocked on his heels for a moment.

"Want anything from the outside?" he asked.

"Mm, no, not at the moment," Steve said absently.

Bucky tried not to feel disappointed. "Okay, bye!" he called. Better to leave the scientist to it.

He paused to grab his gun and knives, then he left. He got into the van and drummed his fingers on the steeling wheel as he thought about where to go.

What fun could a wanted felon have in New York City?

Bucky would've liked to go dancing, but he couldn't exactly go anywhere where he'd be spotted. That only left shady places and dive bars then. Bucky put the van into gear and headed off.

 

Turned out going into dive bars probably wasn't the best idea Bucky'd ever had, but it was certainly exciting getting into fights with meathead gang members after he whooped them (and cheated) at games of pool.

When they rushed at him Bucky used the pool cue to fight them off, swinging it round and then cartwheeling over the pool table to evade them. The enraged men brought out their guns, but Bucky tossed a smoke bomb at them first.

He'd picked up a few dirty tricks having worked with Crossbones.

As the men coughed and spluttered in the smoke, Bucky slipped on his mask and grabbed the balls from the pool table. He threw them one by one, hitting the men in the head and laughing at them. He had to run when they finally started shooting, but he'd had a blast.

And he didn't want the fun to end.

 

~

 

Steve had, admittedly, become a little caught up in his research. When he realised Bucky had been gone a while, he couldn't remember exactly when Bucky had left.

Nor did they have a way to contact each other, which was a little frustrating. Steve wrote on his list of things to pick up: burner phones.

Then he paused for a moment as he thought about how quickly he'd become used to Bucky being around.

What if Bucky left for good? What would Steve do then?

Steve hadn't considered that Bucky might leave, but when Bucky didn't come home that night ( _home_ , as he'd come to think of it), Steve did start to wonder.

Maybe Bucky had found something more fun to do. He did seem to crave entertainment.

Well, there wasn't much Steve could do about it even if he had. He didn't know where Bucky had gone and he couldn't contact him.

He hoped Bucky was okay.

Steve tried to focus on his work. There was food in their kitchen, enough to last him until tomorrow. If Bucky wasn't back by then, Steve would go out to get some more.

At least he wasn't green now, he could pass for a regular human being from a distance. If anybody touched him or got too close, then he'd have trouble.

Now Steve had stabilised himself, he could move onto phase two of his plan. The idea Bucky had given him with the atomiser.

Steve needed a test subject that wasn't himself for that phase, so it'd be useful if Bucky did show up.

 

Three days later, Steve heard the van park outside, and was somewhat relieved.

Bucky strolled in, wearing his domino mask and a bright red tutu over his clothes. He dragged a bulging bin bag behind him, and grinned happily when he saw Steve.

"Guess what I've got!" he sing-songed.

"Hopefully not a body?" Steve joked, following Bucky to the back room where their sleeping bags were.

Bucky upended the bin bag over his bed, and out tumbled a whole load of brightly colored dressing up clothes.

"Ta da!" Bucky grabbed handfuls of clothes and tossed them in the air.

Steve moved closer to peer at them. "What'd you do, raid a dress up store?"

"Mmm, maybe?" Bucky flopped down onto the pile of clothes and rolled around happily among the frills and folds of dresses. "I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty!" he sang, terribly off-key.

Steve couldn't help a smile. Bucky was probably very drunk, but he seemed very happy.

"You shouldn't drink and drive," Steve scolded him, but Bucky only sighed contentedly and closed his eyes, hugging the dress up clothes to him.

Steve got a comforter and draped it over Bucky, then left him to sleep.

He'd ask Bucky about the tests when he was awake and sober.

 

~

 

Bucky felt hungover even before he opened his eyes.

He groaned plaintively as he looked up at the ceiling. "Ugh," he said, and startled a little when Steve's voice replied, "What did you drink?"

Bucky looked around for him, rolling onto his side. Steve entered the room carrying a mug of something, in his lab coat and with plastic gloves on his hands.

"Um..." Bucky blinked, bleary. "Tequila, and... vodka, I think."

Steve tsked lightly, and came over to crouch down beside Bucky's bed. "Here." He held out the mug, and Bucky tried to sit up.

His head was swimming. He hoped he wasn't going to puke.

"Try a sip of this," Steve told him, holding the mug to Bucky's lips.

Bucky managed a sip, and it tasted gross and herbal, but the moment it went down Bucky felt marginally better.

"What is it?" he rasped, as Steve pushed the mug at him again.

"Have another sip, then lay back down," he instructed. "It's just something I made to counteract the alcohol in your system."

Bucky sipped, then did as he was told and laid back down. He groaned, closing his eyes. "I'll never drink again," he said with some feeling.

He heard Steve's puff of breath, showing he was amused and likely didn't believe him.

"Get some rest. I'll leave the drink here, try and have a bit more."

"Yes, Doctor," Bucky murmured, already falling back asleep.

When he opened his eyes again Steve was gone, but the mug of drink was there, along with a plate containing a ham sandwich.

Bucky smiled, and shifted onto his side so he could pull the plate toward him. It felt nice being looked after, even a little bit.

Maybe...

Maybe Steve didn't mind him so much after all.

 

~

 

After eating his sandwich and drinking that herb tea, Bucky slept a bit more. He had a few dreams that flitted back and forth between fights with strangers in bars and being in the lab with Steve trying to get his attention.

Bucky woke up with a yawn. It was getting dark outside, so it had to be evening now.

Miraculously, he didn't feel too bad. Steve's tea must've helped. Bucky still had a headache, and his body ached from all the running about the last couple nights and getting into bar fights.

What he needed was a nice long soak in a hot bath, followed by some deep stretching exercises.

Except, they didn't have a bath or a shower here. There was only a couple of sinks, and Bucky wouldn't fit in those.

He sighed, and raised his arms to have a stretch in bed.

The next hideout he found, Bucky decided, would have to have either a bath or a shower, and hot running water.

He sat up in his bed to stretch a bit more, and noticed his sleeping bag had heaps of dress up clothes over it.

"Huh," he murmured, picking up an item between his fingers. It was sheer and sparkly, and Bucky vaguely remembered breaking into a store at night and stealing the clothes.

Hopefully he hadn't been spotted, because he certainly didn't remember checking for any video surveillance.

"Damn tequila," he muttered, and dragged himself out of bed. He picked up his wash bag and a towel before heading into the bathroom.

He wanted to freshen up before he faced Steve.

 

Bucky cleaned up in the bathroom, slowly, because he still felt a little hungover.

Steve knocking on the door made him jump in alarm.

"Buck? You okay?" came Steve's voice.

"Yeah," Bucky called back. "Just making myself presentable..." He winced at his choice of words.

Honestly, Barnes.

"Alright," Steve replied. "Well, when you're done, come into the lab. I could use your help."

"Sure!" Bucky agreed, and caught himself smiling in the mirror.

Oh, no. He looked terrible. Dark circles under his eyes, pallid white skin.

Bucky pulled a face, and quickly reached for the expensive make-up he'd stolen. He'd just have to cover it up, that's all. No big deal. Bucky picked out a compact and a small brush with bristles that fanned out like a peacock's tail.

Admittedly he didn't exactly know how to put on make-up. He knew what he wanted to look like, but he wasn't sure how to execute that.

Also he had a couple day's worth of dark stubble on his face, and he wasn't about to tackle that now.

Bucky painted concealer under his eyes, except it didn't really mask the dark circles (dammit), so he picked out some black eyeliner instead. He drew on eyeliner, but in order to cover up those circles he'd had to draw panda eyes. Bucky pulled a face at his reflection, trying to think.

He'd be better off just wearing a mask.

 _Oh_.

He watched his own eyes widen as the idea sank in.

Bucky put down the make-up and unlocked the bathroom door. Peeping left and right, he saw the coast was clear. Steve had to be back in his lab.

Bucky tip-toed out, and sneaked back to his sleeping bag. He rooted around in the covers for his mask that'd fallen off last night.

The stolen costumes kept catching his eye.

Well... if he was putting on a mask, why not a full outfit? Bucky picked out a selection, and hurried back into the bathroom.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think Bucky will come out wearing? ^.^


	7. The Test Subject

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky test out Steve's formula...

 

 

Steve had plenty to work on, but he checked the time again and wondered what on earth Bucky was doing that was taking so long.

If he wasn't out in five minutes, Steve would go back to check. Make sure he wasn't feeling sick or anything.

Bucky did tend to get distracted easily, Steve was well aware of this.

Steve had already eaten his dinner and gotten back to work in his lab when Bucky finally appeared. He spun into the room wearing a costume, singing, "Ta daa!" Then he stopped abruptly and put a hand to his head. "Ugh," he groaned. "Okay, no spinning. My head hurts."

"That's tequila for you," Steve replied, looking Bucky up and down. He had on a little red and black diamond patterned dress with a tutu over his pants. The dress had a decorative white collar like a clown, and his hair in pigtails with red and black scrunchies tied in.

Bucky adjusted his tutu, seeming shy all of a sudden. "It's a harlequin costume," he mumbled, looking anywhere but Steve.

"Yes," Steve replied, unsure what else to say. "It, uh, it looks nice."

Bucky looked up in surprise, his eyes wide behind the black domino mask. "It does?"

"Sure." Steve cleared his throat, and beckoned him over. "Come take a seat. I could use your help."

Bucky bounced over happily, and plopped down onto the stool next to Steve's at his workbench. "What're you working on?"

"I'll tell you," Steve said. "First of all, how are you feeling? Hungry?"

"Oh, no." Bucky made a face. "I can't think about food right now."

"Are you sure? I've got some vegetable soup. It'd help."

"Vegetable?" Bucky began to snicker. "Isn't that, like, cannibalism for you?"

"What?"

"Plants," Bucky explained, chuckling at his own joke.

Steve suppressed a long suffering sigh. "Ha, ha. I didn't do my work with vegetables, Bucky."

"Imagine if you did, you might be turning different shades instead of green. Purple like an eggplant, red like a tomato."

"Anyway," Steve tried, but Bucky got a surprised look on his face.

"Hey, wait a minute!" he said. "You went and got food? Did you go outside while I was gone?"

Steve raised his eyebrows. "Yes, I did. We were low on food. I also got burner phones, so that means we can contact each other."

"Oh," Bucky said quietly. He blinked a few times, like this piece of news had surprised him.

"Is that okay?" Steve asked.

"Oh, yes!" Bucky smiled. "Yeah! It's a good idea. Wait, they aren't clunky, ugly phones, are they?"

"Er, kind of?"

"Ugh!" Bucky grouched. "I don't want ugly phones!"

Steve huffed a laugh. "We can sort it out later. Meanwhile," he indicated to the workbench with a rack of test tubes at the ready, "phase two is ready for testing."

"Yay!" Bucky cheered, and clapped his hands together. "What's phase two again?"

"In order to move onto phase three," Steve explained, "I need phase two to work on regular humans."

"Regular humans?" Bucky repeated. "Like, me?"

"Yes. You gave me the idea, Bucky, to use an atomised spray agent."

"I did?"

"Yeah, with that perfume? So what I've done is derive a formula from myself and weaponize it."

"No shit," Bucky breathed, staring intently at the test tubes. "So... when you say derived from yourself, what exactly is in there?"

"At this stage, I made the formula based on samples from my skin cells, saliva, and perspiration. There isn't any blood or anything in there."

"Yet?" Bucky joked.

Steve smiled. "I think my blood will be too poisonous to anyone else. All I need this agent to do is act as a temporary sedative, make the subject pliant and suggestible, therefore posing no threat. This is how I get past a shit-ton of advanced security to get into a facility for phase three."

"You and your phases," Bucky murmured. "So, I'm guessing you want to try it out on me?"

Steve looked at him. "Yeah, but if you're not comfortable with that, then we can go find another test subject? I'll need to data gather from a few different test subjects anyway."

"It's not poisonous?" Bucky asked.

"No, there's no toxins," Steve assured him. "And any effects should be mild and temporary only."

"Is it like a truth serum?" Bucky giggled to himself. "Man, Luis will be sorry he missed this."

"It's... mostly a truth serum," Steve said, "but using a different set of drugs, and the dopamine levels will be very high."

"Dopamine? The love drug?"

Steve gave him a wry smile. "In layman's terms, yes."

"Okay, hit me," Bucky told him. "I'm curious."

"If you're sure?"

"Steve, I have a hangover and I am down for trying new things. Hit me."

Steve smiled at Bucky's enthusiasm. "I think we should check your vitals and take a small blood sample before we start, so I can make sure everything's okay when the tests are over."

"If we must."

Steve held up a thermometer for Bucky to put in his mouth, and while waiting for that he took Bucky's blood pressure quickly. When those results showed normal, Steve took a small blood sample from his finger, and set it aside in a petri dish.

"Okay," Steve told him, "I guess we're all set. But we'll just start with a bit, and I'll have to take notes during the trials, so try to stay still."

"Got it. Now, hit me."

Steve held up the first atomiser in front of Bucky's face. "Ready?"

"Steve, for the love of God, just do it."

"Okay." Steve pressed the plunger gently and a burst of formula number one filled the air. Steve was immune to all of them, so he set down the atomiser and watched as Bucky's nostrils flared, inhaling.

"How will I know when it..." Bucky trailed off, his eyes half closing. "Whoa. Hey, get the, the thingy..."

Steve handed over the recording device, old and cheap as it was, to Bucky. Bucky pressed record and held it close to his mouth. "Quite a head rush, feeling really calm and happy, like, very, very drunk..."

"Okay." Steve quickly made some notes too. "And, how would you feel if I asked you to... um, do some jumping jacks?"

"Sure!" Bucky made to stand up, but Steve stopped him with a smile.

"It's okay, maybe later."

He added to his notes, subject very suggestible.

"Feels nice," Bucky said into the recorder.

They noted more observations on Bucky's reaction for a few minutes until the effects began to wear off.

Steve quickly checked his blood pressure and temperature, making sure he was alright.

"Are we gonna test more?" Bucky asked sleepily.

"Well, maybe we should wait until you're back to normal, Bucky. Also, being hungover could affect the results."

"Just one more?" Bucky whined. "Please?"

Steve deliberated.

He'd have to test the formulas on a few different subjects anyway. If he did another one now, he'd have more data to go on.

"Alright," he agreed. "Just one more." He picked out formula number two, and Bucky waited patiently for the spray in the face.

This one was marginally stronger than the first, and Steve noticed the difference immediately. Bucky's pupils blew wide before his eye became heavy lidded. He grinned dopily as lunged forward, much like a wobbly drunk.

Steve grabbed onto Bucky's shoulder to hold him steady. "Are you..." He trailed off as Bucky leaned in, lips pursed.

Steve had to react quickly before Bucky poisoned himself by touching him. He dodged the kiss and put both hands on Bucky's shoulders.

"Bucky, don't," he said firmly.

"Steve," Bucky said, reaching out to touch him, "kiss me."

"Oh, boy," Steve muttered, and decided moving Bucky off the stool would be best.

There was an office chair, so Steve hurried to manoeuvre himself around Bucky, careful that Bucky wasn't touching his neck or any bare skin, then he shifted Bucky into the office chair.

"Steve, please," Bucky sighed happily. "Just a kiss."

"Sorry, Buck," Steve told him. "Please stay in this chair."

"Okay, but just one kiss?"

"Bucky, sit still." Steve grabbed a spare lab coat and wrapped it around Bucky back to front, quickly doing up the buttons around the back of the chair so Bucky was secure in a make-shift straightjacket.

Steve didn't want to risk skin contact.

He swivelled Bucky round to face him, making sure to keep his distance. Bucky grinned at him and tried leaning in again with his lips puckered.

Steve set a firm hand on his shoulder to keep him still, and put his finger under Bucky's chin to tilt his face up.

"Buck, look at me. Open your eyes wide as you can."

Bucky blinked a couple times, slow and sleepy.

"Okay, lemme just have a look." Steve gently lifted Bucky's eyelids to check his pupils. "Even more dilated," Steve murmured, and Bucky pretty much closed his eyes again when Steve let him go.

He was still grinning, like a happy drunk.

"Oh, boy." Steve took a step back and peeled off his plastic gloves. He ran a hand over his face as he thought about what to do. "Clearly far too much dopamine in formula number two," he said.

"Mmmm," Bucky replied, listing to the side.

Steve put new gloves onto his hands and decided the best thing to do was for Bucky to lay down, maybe zipped into his sleeping bag.

So he wheeled Bucky into the bedroom and got him out of the chair.

Luckily Bucky was sleepy enough to simply roll onto his sleeping bag without much fuss. He curled up with his covers and some of the dress up clothes with his eyes closed and a happy smile on his face.

"Sorry, Bucky," Steve said quietly, crouching down next to him and pulling a cover over him.

"It's okay," Bucky murmured. "I feel all floaty and nice."

Steve smiled, watching Bucky fall asleep. He reached out and moved one of Bucky's pigtails aside, so he could press two fingers to his neck and check if his pulse was normal. It was a little slow, like a light sedative. Steve counted how long it took to return to normal, pleased that Bucky was okay.

"Think you better sleep it off for now," Steve told him, but Bucky was already snoring. Steve smiled again, then got up to return to his lab.

"Oh, well. Back to the drawing board."

 

 

 

 


	8. Making Plans

 

 

Bucky was having the most amazing dream: he was being held in a loving embrace, in strong arms.

Steve's arms.

Then he woke up and realised he was hugging his own sleeping bag.

Weird, he thought, sitting up in bed. How long had he been asleep?

Bucky went to get up and saw he was wearing the harlequin's mini dress over his black jeans. He reached up and felt his hair, tied in pigtails. And on his face, the domino mask.

"Huh," he said, getting to his feet. He felt a little groggy, but not too bad. Bucky yawned, and wandered toward the lab where he figured Steve would be.

"Hey," he said, entering the brightly lit room. Steve's sun lamps sure packed a punch.

Steve, sitting on his stool at the workbench, turned to him. "Hey," he replied, looking at Bucky closely. "How do you feel?"

Bucky shrugged. "Not too hungover, I guess. Why?"

Steve chewed on his lip, looking a little shifty.

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Why? What've you got that look for?"

"What look?"

"The got your hand caught in the cookie jar look." Bucky jumped up onto the spare stool and sat there swinging his legs. "Spit it out."

"Um..." Steve twisted away, glancing at the racks of test tubes and stack of notes on his work space. "Well... what do you remember?"

"I went out?" Bucky guessed, his memory hazy. "I got in a few bar fights, robbed a dress up store, I guess? And came home."

"Wait, what?" Steve looked at him with alarm. "You got into fights?"

Bucky shrugged. "Lots of assholes in bars."

Steve was still looking at him with a strange expression on his face. Bucky couldn't figure out what he was mad about.

"What?" Bucky prompted. "You jealous I went without you, or something?"

Steve's frown lessened, but he didn't look pleased. "No, Bucky. It's... not safe, out there. You should be more careful."

Bucky nodded slowly, trying to keep a straight face. "Steve, do you even know what my rap sheet looks like?"

"What? No?"

"Well, it's pretty long," Bucky boasted. "So you don't gotta worry about me."

A smile tugged at Steve's lips. "Maybe. But you shouldn't go picking fights when inebriated."

Bucky snorted a laugh. "But that's when it's most fun."

"I'll take your word for it."

"You never had a drunken bar fight?"

"No," Steve said flatly. "Not drunk anyway."

"So you _have_ been in bar fights."

"Maybe." Steve smiled, and shifted closer on his stool. "So what else do you remember? When you got back here?"

"Um..." Bucky blinked at him, distracted by Steve's very blue eyes up close. His cheeks had some color in them too, which seemed unusual, or... maybe with his skin more pale now, it was just more noticeable when he blushed.

Why would Steve be blushing, anyway?

"I don't know?" Bucky answered.

"You don't remember trying out the formulas?"

"Uh..." Bucky tried to remember.

Shit, was his dream about cuddling up to Steve not a dream after all?

He must've looked concerned as Steve hurried to say, "We tested some of the spray formula on you, and recorded the results. Formula number one was like a mild sedative, whereas number two was slightly more... um, amorous."

Bucky blinked in surprise. "What did I do?"

"Well, nothing," Steve assured him, "because I didn't want you to touch me and poison yourself. But, uh, you were... let's say you were _in the mood_."

"Oh." Bucky felt himself blushing now. "Um... sorry?"

"Don't apologise, I made the formula." Steve indicated his work bench. "I'm making adjustments too, and I think it's safer going forward to test it out on other people."

"Um, right." Bucky nodded, feeling embarrassed. He hoped Steve didn't hate him. "What does it do, then?"

"I've already told you this earlier, but it acts as a sedative slash suggestive agent." Steve pulled a face as he frowned. "Seems to have some memory loss too, so––"

Bucky threw his head back to laugh. "Hah! You made a date rape drug?"

"I did not!" Steve scoffed.

"Sure sounds like it, Steve."

"Ugh, maybe you're right."

"What did you plan to do with it?" Bucky asked.

"I thought it'd be a non lethal way to bypass any security guards, so I can break into a facility and steal some stuff."

"Oh, okay. Like, knock 'em out?"

"Not fully unconscious," Steve explained, "they'll be awake and suggestible if I need, say, security codes or information."

"Cool." Bucky hopped down from his stool. "Shall we go test it out?"

"Um..." Steve looked from Bucky to his test tubes, and back again. "On who?"

Bucky shrugged. "Some lowlife assholes? I dunno, I'm sure we can find somebody to play with."

Bucky thought Steve would put up more of a fight, but surprisingly he agreed, and starting packing up his samples into a bag.

Bucky wandered off to get ready too: he put on his leather jacket, his boots, and adjusted his pigtails in the mirror. He looked like he was dressed for Halloween, and he was fine with that.

He also picked up a baseball bat from his room, resting it on his shoulder as he went to go find Steve.

Steve had his bag ready, and had taken off his lab coat to pull on his black sweater and hat. Teamed with the black pants he already had on, it was an all black ensemble.

"You look like a cat burglar," Bucky commented, watching him. "You should wear an eye mask to complete the look. I got a spare one."

Steve gave him a mild frown in response. "I'm trying to be inconspicuous. Unlike you."

"Steve," Bucky said with a laugh, "trust me, your burglar look out on the streets isn't as _inconspicuous_ as you think it is."

Steve huffed. "Well, what should I wear, then? My lab coat?"

"How about one of the costumes I got?" Bucky suggested. "People will think we're just a couple party people off out somewhere."

That made Steve crack a smile. "Maybe next time."

 

~

 

"How many subjects do you need?" Bucky asked, driving them into the city.

He was chewing on gum and blew out a big pink bubble, drawing Steve's attention.

"Um..." Steve considered, as he tried to stop looking at Bucky's mouth, especially his red painted lips. "Uh, well, maybe one or two to start. We have to be able to do this without causing a scene." He stared pointedly at Bucky until Bucky glanced over at him.

"No scene, huh?" Bucky chuckled darkly. "More like a snatch and go?"

"We shouldn't take anyone back..." _Home_ , Steve almost said. "Uh, back to base. Someplace else."

"Abandoned apartment building?" Bucky suggested.

"Yeah."

"And I take it you wanna test this stuff on guys? Like, whoever would be a typical security guard, or whatever?"

"That's the idea," Steve said.

Bucky nodded, chewing on his gum thoughtfully. "I have an idea."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, they almost had a kiss! ;p
> 
> What do you think Bucky's idea is?


	9. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~
> 
> Heads up for:
> 
> canon typical violence, kidnapping of bad guys and non consensual love dust testing. ^.^

 

 

 

Rick and his buddy, Marv, had been kicked out of a dive bar for being too handsy with other customers.

Now they stalked along the block looking for somewhere else to go. Rick was in a bad mood, and grunted in annoyance when Marv elbowed him.

"What?" Rick demanded, but Marv had stopped dead and was staring down the narrow mouth of an alley. "Why're you elbowing––"

"There's someone down there," Marv hissed, moving to enter the alley. "Looks like a girl."

Intrigued, Rick followed him.

The alley was gloomy, only the dim light from the street filtering in, but Rick saw the body slouched against the wall, turned slightly away from them. There was a frilly skirt all fanned out, and long hair in pigtails.

Rick pushed Marv aside as he bore down on the passed out stranger. "It _is_ a girl!" he said with excitement.

Looked like their evening wasn't turning out so bad after all.

"Hey, little lady," Rick said, crouching down beside her.

Marv crouched down too, but the only response they got was a quiet whimper.

"Think she's drunk," Marv said, and reached out to grab her shoulder. "We could have some fun." He tilted her round, but as her face came into view, the smile dropped from Rick's face.

"What," he said, as he noticed the facial stubble, and the black eye mask.

"I don't think it's a girl," Marv said.

"Yeah, no shit?" Rick snapped back. "It's some freak in a dress."

The eyes on the stranger snapped open. "Now, now," the stranger said teasingly, as he drew out a gun and pointed it at them. "Don't be rude little assholes."

"Shit," Marv said, putting up his hands. "Hey, don't shoot us, okay? We were only trying to help."

The stranger laughed, his eyes shifting to follow something behind them. "How about these two clowns?"

"Perfect," came the reply, and just as Rick tried to whip round and see, something heavy clonked him on the back of the head and everything went black.

 

When Rick came to he lifted his head with a groan, and realised he was tied to a chair.

"Fuck," he muttered, hastily looking around.

The room was cold, dark. He had no idea where he was. Marv was in a chair next to him, also tied up.

Rick tried wriggling, testing his bonds, but he was trussed up tight. "Fuck, fuck," he muttered again, feeling sweat bead at his temples.

This did not look good.

"Ah, you're awake," came a voice to the side, just as something stiff and long was thrust under Rick's chin. He almost choked in surprise, and lifted his head up as the thing underneath his chin jabbed at his Adam's apple.

The person walked around and into view, and Rick saw that it was the weird clown guy from the alleyway, and he had a baseball bat in hand, currently with its end shoved under Rick's chin.

The clown chuckled, sounding happy. He removed the bat, swinging it up onto his shoulder. "Did you sleep well, honeybun?"

Rick swallowed, tried not to show his fear. "Look, whatever you want, I can get it for you. Just... you don't gotta do this."

The clown shrugged, and swung the bat in an arc through the air, relaxed but also slightly threatening.

"Please," Rick whimpered. "I'll pay you? Whatever you want!"

"Jeez, what a whiner," the clown muttered, then called out, "Yo, doc! They're awake."

That didn't sound good either, and Rick tried to look round when he heard footsteps approach.

"Marv," he said desperately, as his buddy groaned beside him, regaining consciousness. "Marv, wake up, for fuck's sake!"

"Wha... what's happening?" Marv slurred, as another guy walked around in front of them.

He was huge, and dressed in all black with a little mask over his eyes.

Rick wasn't afraid to admit, he was pretty scared right about now.

The guy in black checked his watch, then commented to the clown, "Took them longer than I thought to come to. They gotta be drunk."

The clown shrugged, still swinging his bat around. "Try it out anyway? Since we hauled their asses in here."

"I will." The guy in black came closer, right in front of Rick. He produced a little vial and squirted it in Rick's face, making him cough, then squirted it at Marv too.

"What the fuck," Rick coughed, as his vision blurred. "What..." He trailed off as he inhaled, and whatever it was hit his senses. "Whoa," he breathed, blinking slowly.

Marv spluttered beside him, but Rick barely noticed. He focused on the guy in front of him, watching them intently.

Rick didn't go for guys, like... he _never_ went for guys, but in that moment he only had eyes for the one in front of him.

"Wow," Rick murmured. "Hey... hey, what's your name?"

The clown guy, standing a ways off, burst out laughing.

Rick barely noticed, he was too busy staring at the guy in front of him. Marv, too.

"Quick response on formula one," the guy murmured. "Likely due to inebriation."

"Hey, there," Marv drawled, also trying to get his attention.

Rick swayed in his seat, held up by his bonds. "Hey..."

"Wow," the clown drawled, walking closer, "what a pair of charmers, huh."

The guy in black smiled, like he thought that was funny. "How about if I asked you to do something for me? What would you fellas say?"

"Anything," Rick agreed, as Marv mumbled much the same. "Anything you want."

The guy in black and the clown shared a smile. "Sounds good to me."

 

Rick must've closed his eyes, or passed out or something.

He woke up on the floor with his arms around someone, and he smiled as he opened his eyes.

He lost his smile when he saw that it was Marv he was cuddling up to.

"Ugh, Marv," he grumbled, shoving his buddy away. "Get off."

"Wha..." Marv groaned rubbing at his eyes. "Where are we?"

"I dunno." Rick looked around the empty room, but there was no one else there. "Where did those two guys go?"

"Two guys?" Marv sounded confused. "What two guys?"

Rick thought about it, and decided maybe trying not to remember would be wiser. "Ah, never mind," he sighed. "Maybe it's time we stop hanging around this neighborhood."

 

 

 

 


	10. Bad Medicine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More canon typical violence, mostly in a fun way!

 

 

"My ass is wet," Bucky complained, as they sat in the back of their van eating take-out.

"T.M.I.," Steve said dryly, which made Bucky do that cute little snort-laugh he did.

"No, I mean from sitting in those disgusting alleys," Bucky said, shoving noodles in his mouth and speaking with his mouth full. "I got a wet ass playing decoy."

Steve eyed the clothes Bucky had on, the regular black jeans with the little harlequin's dress over it. "Maybe try for something more waterproof next time."

"Next time?" Bucky exclaimed. "Your formula clearly works, Steve. You can probably move onto your next phase or whatever."

"Maybe," Steve hedged.

He still had a lot of calculations, tests and theories to run back at the lab. Taking out one or two guys at a time was fine, it seemed. But taking out more than that, well, Steve had to strategize.

He liked being prepared.

Bucky hummed as he chewed his food. "We need to rob something big," he said between mouthfuls.

"We do?"

"Yeah, I wanna get some leather trousers, which would be waterproof. Ergo, we need more money. If we use your love potion then it'll be a lot easier to rob places fast with minimal effort."

Steve raised an eyebrow and smiled. "That is the idea. Wait, how many places have you robbed on your own since we got out?"

"Mm, a few." Bucky grinned slyly. "Only shady places, I swear. They deserve it."

"What kind of shady places?"

"Gang bars, betting rings, and warehouses where they store their shit. That kinda stuff."

"Jeez, Bucky," Steve murmured. "How do you know where all that is?"

"The, um, guys I ran with before," Bucky said, poking at his noodles, "they were tied to one of the gangs. They talked a lot, I listened."

"I see."

Bucky was quiet a moment, then glanced at Steve with concern. "I didn't intentionally set out to be an asshole, you know."

"You're not an asshole," Steve replied, because it was true. Bucky wasn't an asshole.

Bucky poked at his noodles again but it looked like he'd lost his appetite.

"Why do you think you're an asshole?" Steve asked gently.

Bucky shrugged. "I'm a criminal."

"So am I," Steve countered. "Do you think I'm an asshole?"

That made Bucky smile. "Maybe a tiny bit?"

Steve laughed. "Takes one to know one, jerk."

Bucky giggled, and the tension left the air.

Steve ate another mouthful of his food, letting the quiet wash over them. Bucky still wasn't eating.

"What's bothering you?" Steve asked eventually. "Is it the stealing?"

"I don't know," Bucky replied.

"Can I ask you something?" Steve set his carton down, dusting off his hands that were back in the awful plastic gloves (because he didn't want to touch the van and accidentally transfer his poison to Bucky).

Bucky nodded, so Steve asked, "What incited the change of career?"

"To be a doctor?"

That hadn't been what Steve meant, but he asked, "What were you before you were a doctor?"

"Gymnast," Bucky said quietly. "Or, well. Tried, but wasn't good enough. Luckily I'd also done a Psych degree, so. Doctor it was."

Steve nodded, noting the change in Bucky's voice. He sounded bitter about it. Steve didn't want to push, but... "Didn't you like being a doctor?"

Bucky shrugged again. "It was alright."

"What changed?"

"You mean, when did I lose my shit and turn cuckoo?"

"No," Steve said calmly. "That's not what I meant. I don't think you're cuckoo. Maybe not well-suited to society's strict rules, perhaps?"

Bucky looked up in surprise, and let out a wry laugh. "Trying to shrink me, huh?"

Steve shook his head. "Just trying to understand you better."

"Oh." Bucky looked away, and a rosy blush appeared on his cheeks. It was a good look with the pigtails, Steve thought, and he smiled.

"I, um, had this patient," Bucky said, "and he talked a lot about rebelling against the police and the government, and yada, yada. Long story short, he was going to be shipped off for maximum security but I ended up breaking him out instead, and joined his gang."

"I see," Steve said, and it reminded him of Bucky visiting Steve's cell that day, offering to bust him out.

And the time before that, when Bucky had first visited Steve's cell wearing a guard's uniform, apparently just to talk to him.

Oh, Steve thought, with sudden clarity.

Did Bucky... _like_ him?

Questions tumbled into his mind, and he desperately wanted to ask Bucky if he'd been _involved_ with that criminal he'd broken out, or not, or what had happened. Would Bucky go back to him, or the gang? Or would he stay with Steve?

Despite how badly he wanted to ask, Steve felt nervous and unsure, so he stayed quiet.

Bucky broke the silence, asking, "Are you judging me silently over there?"

"Huh?" Steve looked at him earnestly. "No, not judging. I just... um, are you... are you still friends with him? Or that gang?"

Bucky shook his head. "I guess they didn't like me much anyway. They'd call me names a lot, and no one came to break me out when I took the fall for them. So, no."

"They sound like assholes," Steve said with certainty. "We, um, we make a good team, right?"

Bucky looked at him, eyes round with surprise, but he nodded eagerly.

"I don't think I thanked you for getting me outta that place," Steve said. "So, thank you, Bucky."

Bucky broke into a smile. "No problem."

"Okay. So... you wanna go rob somewhere?" Steve offered.

"Yeah, I do!"

 

~

 

The drove over to the upper east side, with Bucky blaring out AC/DC on the stereo.

He cut the music when they parked down a dark alleyway, and killed the engine.

"Isn't this a little close?" Steve asked.

Bucky had said their target was a basement on the next street.

"Not if we wanna get out fast," Bucky said, slipping into the back of the van. "Besides, I think it's time we upgraded our mode of transportation and ditch this one soon."

"Alright." Steve followed him into the back, where they grabbed their weapons. Guns and a baseball bat for Bucky, atomisers for Steve.

Bucky pulled out a small, black grenade and twirled it in his fingers. "Flashbomb," he said. "I usually throw these in first, then jump in and knock everyone out in the confusion."

"You said this is a mob place?"

"Yeah, they'll be playing cards. High rollers." Bucky waggled his eyebrows.

"Won't they have guns?"

"I got guns too," Bucky replied.

"Sure, but perhaps..." Steve held his hand out, gesturing for the grenade. Bucky handed it over. "We can try something else?"

Bucky shrugged. "I'm game."

Steve had an idea, and he produced a vial of his formula in liquid form. Bucky caught on quick, and chuckled.

"Love-bomb the suckers?" he joked.

Steve smiled. "Let's see if it works."

 

When they were ready, they exited the van and moved stealthily along the alley, Bucky leading the way.

The target, a basement doorway, was just around the corner. Bucky peeped round, then leaned back in and made some silent hand gestures at Steve that he just didn't get.

"I don't know what those mean," Steve whispered, making Bucky roll his eyes.

"It means," Bucky hissed back, "one guard and he's armed."

"Oh. Can I take a look?"

They switched positions so Steve could sneak a look around the wall. It was dark and gloomy, but he saw one lone man sitting on the steps leading down to a basement.

Steve turned back to Bucky and whispered, "Would your decoy work?"

"Nah, he'll just shoot me," Bucky whispered. "Toss the love-bomb?"

"Then we won't have any left for the others," Steve said. "And the atomisers won't reach that far, they'd need a stronger release force."

"Hm." Bucky frowned in thought. "Okay, then we'll both be the decoy until you get close enough to squirt him."

"How?"

"We pretend to be a couple."

Steve looked at Bucky in surprise, and Bucky shrugged.

"What? It'll work."

"How... how exactly do you mean?" Steve asked, as a flurry of images skipped through his mind of him and Bucky together, and it was distracting him from the situation at hand.

"I'd be the girl," Bucky told him, "you put your arm around me and we walk down the alley. We act like we're too busy flirting to pay attention to him. It puts them off guard, and allows us to get closer."

"Um..." Steve pursed his lips. He foresaw several problems with that scenario, the first being that accidentally making skin contact with Bucky could poison him, and secondly there was no guarantee that the guy in the alley wouldn't just shoot them on sight or raise the alarm anyway. "I thought you said I was dressed like a burglar?"

"You are, but unless you have a change of outfits, we don't have much other choice."

"I don't have another outfit."

"Well, then. Decoy it is." Bucky moved in closer but Steve put up his gloved hand to stop him.

"Bucky, no. It's too dangerous."

"I'll be careful not to touch you," Bucky insisted.

"It's not just touch," Steve warned him, "if you're close enough to breathe in my scent that can also be poisonous. At the very least getting a few lungfuls up close will make you light headed and possibly pass out."

Bucky got a wounded look on his face, and he pulled back. "Oh."

"If we had more time to prepare," Steve tried, "it'd be better. Why don't we go home and..."

Bucky pulled out one of his guns and started screwing a silencer onto the nozzle.

"Um, Bucky, what are you...?"

Bucky leaned out of the alleyway and took aim. Steve watched with his mouth open as Bucky pulled the trigger and a soft _phffew_ noise shot out.

"Did you just shoot that guy?" Steve scrambled up to look, and sure enough the man in the alley was slumped over.

Bucky held up his gun and shrugged a shoulder. "It's just a flesh wound, he'll live. Come on." He made to move away, and said over his shoulder, "By the way, these guys deal in human trafficking and run underage brothels in the city."

Steve's eyebrows shot up. "Oh," he said, suddenly feeling a lot less concerned about their welfare. He cracked his knuckles and followed Bucky into the alley. "Then let's go kick their asses."

 

 

 


	11. Let's Get Down To Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge big thank you to the readers commenting on this fic, thank you so much <333 I hope you enjoy the story!
> 
> ~
> 
> Also, the awesome Witchylurker has done beautiful art of Harley Bucky! View on [tumblr](https://witchylurker.tumblr.com/post/182304444496/harleyquinnbucky-for-my-dear-friend-jro616-s) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/Witchylurker/status/1088919494989234176), and show Witchy your appreciation! :D
> 
> ~

 

 

 

"How are we doing this?" Steve whispered, as they crept down the stairwell to the basement door.

"You kick the door in," Bucky whispered back, "I'll throw the love-bomb."

Steve nodded, and waited for Bucky to get in position.

" _Now_ ," Bucky mouthed.

Steve braced himself and kicked at the door, knocking it clean off its hinges. Bucky tossed the adapted grenade into the dimly lit room as voices inside started shouting. The grenade set off a cloud of smoke, quickly followed by coughs.

"You should've kept the door on," Bucky said, giving Steve a quick grin before he pulled a neck-scarf over his nose and mouth. "Let's go."

Bucky dived straight in with a forward flip, and disappeared into the smoke. Steve went to pick up the fallen door, and set it back into the doorway to keep the smoke inside. Then he turned to face the room, hazy from the grenade.

He could only just about see what was happening: the men who'd been playing cards were still circled around a table, some bent over coughing and some reaching for their guns.

Bucky leapt up onto the table, wisps of smoke pluming around him, and swung his bat at two men aiming their guns. He knocked them out one by one. _Thok thok_. "You guys having a party?" he said, and aimed a kick at a third guy. "Where was our invite?"

"Who are you!" a man shouted, having drawn his gun but seemingly unable to point it straight.

The smoke enhanced with Steve's formula was clearly working, but not to full effects.

Bucky whacked his bat into the man's arm, causing him to drop the gun. Steve strode forward and grabbed two other guys from behind before tossing them across the room.

That left only three men standing around the table, and Steve watched Bucky take out two with a roundhouse kick, then he back-flipped off the table and landed hard on the third guy, taking him down.

"You guys need to work on your welcome," Bucky quipped, grinding his boot into the man's chest to keep him on the floor. "Where'd you stash the loot, huh?"

"In the safe," the man mumbled, then blinked in surprise. "I, uh, I shouldn't have told you that."

"That's okay," Bucky laughed. "You probably won't remember." He raised his bat and clocked the guy over the head, knocking him out. Then he got up and gestured to Steve. "Come on, we better find that safe before they wake up."

 

They found the safe behind a shelving unit, and while it wasn't a big one nor that sophisticated, they didn't exactly have time to sit around trying out the combinations either.

"Can you carry it?" Bucky asked, pulling down his scarf now that the smoke had dissipated.

"Yeah." Steve bent down to test the weight, and picked it up easily. "Shouldn't be a problem."

"Then we better haul ass."

After getting back to their van and driving away, Bucky seemed happy now and sang along to music on the radio.

Steve was quieter, thinking things through. He supposed he should've felt more pleased, especially at how his formula seemed to work with smoke. So much potential for taking down more people at once.

But, there was something on Steve's mind.

Bucky seemed to sense it. "Hey, what's up? We scored a big win tonight."

Steve nodded slowly, but he had to speak his mind. "Bucky, you said those guys, that gang, they run things like human trafficking?"

Bucky glanced at him, then looked back at the road. "Yeah. They're scumbags."

"So, any money in that safe we stole, it came from those operations."

"I guess so." Bucky glanced at him again, then started chuckling.

"What?" Steve asked.

"You getting a conscience now? We just spent half the night kidnapping people off the street and testing your drugs on them."

Steve frowned. "Yeah, but... like you said, they were assholes looking for trouble. That's why we went with a human decoy."

"Yeah, I know," Bucky replied. "So, what? So, you don't wanna spend the money we just got? We don't even know what's in the safe, Steve."

Steve had to agree there. "True."

 

They got back to base, and set to work trying to crack open the safe.

"If we had the money," Bucky pointed out, "there's a sweet little gadget you can get that unlocks combinations like _that_." He snapped his fingers.

Steve was bent over the safe, carefully using drops of a special acid that he'd formulated to weaken the metal around the locking mechanism.

Once the acid had eaten through enough of the metal, Steve was able to easily pull the lock away, and the door swung open.

Bucky crowded in, and they both looked at the contents.

Money. Stacks and stacks of money: dirty, used bills tied up in bundles. Steve didn't want to touch it, and when Bucky reached into the safe he thought Bucky would grab the money first, but instead he pulled out a small black ledger.

"Jackpot!" Bucky said, sitting back so he could flip through the pages. "Hoo, hoo!"

"What is it?" Steve asked.

"This," Bucky held the ledger up, "is how we restore karmic balance, my friend. Those guys keep a record of all their businesses. All the ingoings and outgoings, names and numbers. It's all here, same as every gang does."

"So, it's pretty incriminating?" Steve guessed.

"Yup." Bucky grinned. "I say, we get rid of this money fast, then send this ledger into the Feds. It probably won't shut this gang down forever, but it'll fuck them up pretty good."

"I'm good with that," Steve agreed. "But..." He glanced inside the safe, at the dirty money. "I don't want their money, Buck. I just... I can't."

"Where do you propose we get money from, then?" Bucky countered. "Unless you wanna rob a bank? Which I haven't done in a while, by the way. You need a whole crew for that sort of job."

Steve's eyebrows raised a little. "Okay. Um... shit, I don't know. I just don't feel comfortable using money that was made off the backs of exploited people."

Bucky nodded slowly. "Yeah, I get it." He tapped the ledger to his lips, humming in thought. "Okay, look. How about this? We can take a loan. We use some of this money for ourselves, get set up. Once we're good to go, we can hit more shady places, and give all that money to a more worthy cause. How's that sound?"

Steve smiled, relieved and excited. "That sounds real good."

"Shall we use codenames?" Bucky grinned back at him. "You can be Robin Hood, I'll be Maid Marian."

Steve laughed, but that got him thinking too. "We should wear disguises, I guess. Like masks, so they don't know who we are. And that smoke got in my eyes a bit, anyway.

"Yay!" Bucky cheered. "I love masks."

 

They counted up the money and started making a list of things they'd have to buy, and things Steve needed to work on.

Steve hated to admit it, but he really did need funds to set up.

If they stuck to Bucky's plan, though, they'd make it right. Steve knew from experience that he couldn't take on the system or a whole operation by himself with his own bare hands, poisonous as they were. That's how he'd found himself thrown in that government facility, because they'd caught him trying to shut down yet another outdated, toxic and unsafe factory on the city limits.

The system, the gangs, it was all corrupt: they exploited the weak and the poor while also polluting the environment. Steve had tried to take on the world and it hadn't worked, but now he had a partner, and a plan.

This time would be different.

"Hey," Bucky said, strolling into the lab with a piece of paper. "So I made a list of places we can hit, and places around the city we can donate to once we got more cash."

"Great." Steve looked up from his own lists, and pushed one across the counter top to show Bucky. "We can buy a gun that shoots smoke pellets, right? I want to make little smoke bombs."

"Ooh." Bucky leaned in on the counter, looking over the list. "Yeah, you can buy just about anything. And if you can't, then this guy I know can make it."

"What guy?"

"Rocket," Bucky said. "He's cranky as fuck, but if you want good guns, you go to him."

"Are we going now?" Steve asked.

"Can do." Bucky took a piece of bubblegum out from his pocket and unwrapped it. "You should wear something other than your burglar outfit, Steve. I told you about looking less conspicuous."

Steve looked over Bucky's civilian clothes: jeans, a red Henley, and his leather jacket.

"I guess so," he agreed. "But I don't have anything, and whatever I borrow from you, you won't be able to wear again unless you want to get poisoned."

"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill." Bucky popped the gum into his mouth. "I'll go find something to donate to your wardrobe. No problem."

He strolled off, and Steve found himself smiling. Of all the people he'd met since his lab accident, Bucky was the only one who seemed unfazed by Steve's condition.

Steve had to consider what the long term implications were for Bucky, for staying in such close proximity with Steve, inhaling the same air and quite possibly inhaling toxins from Steve's body.

But he had an idea of how to deal with that, as it looked like they'd continue working and living together. He'd tell Bucky about it once he was sure it could be done.

In the meantime, they had work to do.

Steve got up to follow Bucky to their bedroom, and found him rooting through his piles of stolen clothes.

"Here." Bucky tossed a couple items to Steve, who caught them and held them out.

A white t-shirt and a burgundy hoodie.

The rest of Bucky's clothes were mostly all black, red, or sparkly. Steve figured these choices would have to do.

He went over to his sleeping bag and dropped the clothes onto it, then reached for the hem of his top and pulled it off over his head.

There was a trashbag that Steve kept to put his used clothes into, as they didn't have a washing machine here, and he didn't want to risk contaminating their space with clothing that he'd sweated into. Regular sweat was one thing, toxic sweat was quite another.

Steve bent down to stash away his old top, tying the bag up tight. Then he retrieved the new t-shirt and stood up to pull it on.

As he was pulling it down over his chest, he turned round and caught Bucky watching.

There was a brief moment where Bucky didn't seem to realise he'd been caught looking, eyes fixed to Steve's chest. Then he glanced up, locking eyes with Steve, and quickly looked away again.

"I'll, uh, load up the van," he said, and rolled over into a graceful standing position before trotting off.

"Okay," Steve replied, tugging the hem of his t-shirt into place. He grabbed the hoodie and went to follow him.

Once they'd loaded up the van with a couple different bags of cash, Steve lifted the now empty safe into the back, and they shut the doors.

"Buy stuff first," Steve said, "then donate, right?"

"Yeah, and dump this van," Bucky agreed. "Time for a new one."

"Alright." Steve smiled. "Let's do this."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ooh, the tension!)
> 
> what do you think Steve's idea is for Bucky?? ^.^


	12. 'Cos We Are Living In A Material World

 

 

 

Bucky drove them out to a disused lot near the docks, where they ditched and torched the van.

They had to walk a few blocks to a garage that Bucky knew took cash, no questions asked. On the way they were stopped by a street hustler selling stolen goods, small time stuff like ball caps and sunglasses. Bucky saw the concerned look in Steve's eyes as he took in the hustler's old, dirty clothes, so Bucky picked out a ball cap and gave it to Steve, then picked a pair of red and pink rimmed sunglasses for himself.

"Here, pal," he said, handing over a bundle of bills to the guy.

Then he pulled Steve along to hurry him up. "Almost there," he said, slipping the sunglasses onto his face. "What color van shall we get?"

"Something discreet," Steve said, fitting the cap on his head, then pulled his hood over it.

"I was thinking something more fun," Bucky said. "Maybe with a stripe down it, like The A-Team's van." Bucky giggled when Steve gave him a flat look. "No? But it'd look cool!"

"Discreet," Steve repeated.

There wasn't a whole lot of choice in the garage anyway, but they picked out a pale grey van that advertised window cleaning on its sides. It could prove a useful cover.

Bucky paid with cash, while Steve hung back and let him do the talking. When Bucky got the keys, they got into the van sat down. On the first inhale, they shared a dubious look.

"What's that smell?" Steve asked.

Bucky glanced into the back, which was empty but there was definitely a lingering aroma of whatever, or whoever, had been in there last.

"Better not think about it," he said, and pressed a button to wind down the windows. "We can clean it later. Next stop, The Merc."

 

Bucky drove them to the outskirts of the city, to a rundown warehouse currently occupied by Rocket and his crew.

He parked the van outside and led Steve to the side entrance.

"Man, I missed this place," Bucky said, pushing his sunglasses up onto his head.

Just inside the entrance was a desk, where Mantis was writing in a ledger, and Drax lounged in a chair, munching on chips.

Bucky didn't know their real names, just their streetnames.

"Hello!" Mantis greeted, looking up at them. "Welcome to The Merc. Oh, Bucky! Hi!" She waved at him.

"Hey, Mantis." Bucky waved back. "Hey, Drax."

"Mmph," Drax mumbled around a mouthful of chips. He was shirtless, which was usual for him, covered in bold tattoos and visibly armed with guns and knives. He was the deterrent to stop thieves from stealing.

Bucky glanced at Steve, who was eyeing Drax warily. "This is Drax," Bucky introduced, "and Mantis. Guys, this is Steve. He's with me."

"Rocket is expecting you," Mantis said with a smile. "He's just finishing up another order. Why don't you take a number, and have a look round while you wait?"

"Sounds good!" Bucky took a little ticket with a number on it, and elbowed Steve. "C'mon. Let's go check out the merchandise."

"Okay," Steve said, gazing around curiously.

They went through the little turnstile and into the main warehouse, gloomy with only a few overhead lights, shelves stacked high with everything a career criminal could want.

Bucky scanned the nearest aisles, their signs written on scraps of cardboard with marker pen. "Ooh," he said, eyes falling on a sign for _rocket launchers_. "Steve, c'mon!" He hurried over there, hands outstretched in glee. "Hello, sweetheart," he murmured, and stroked a bazooka on the shelf. "Come to mommy."

"What's that?" Steve asked.

Bucky lifted the bazooka, testing the weight before setting it on his shoulder. "Short range rocket launcher," he said, and grinned at Steve. "Can we get it?"

"Uh..."

"Please, please, please, please!"

"Okay." Steve held his hands up. "This is your area of expertise, get what you think we need."

"Yay!" Bucky bounced on the spot. "Get one of those carts from over there, and we'll load up."

"Carts?" Steve looked around, so Bucky pointed to the rack of carts by the wall, clearly stolen from grocery stores.

"Huh." Steve got a large cart, and wheeled it over.

The tanoy ding-donged lightly overhead, then Mantis's voice announced jovially, "Don't miss out on our half price firearms sale, in aisle number five!"

"Ooh, a sale!" Bucky gasped.

Steve looked at him quizzically. "What _is_ this place?"

"Like Wal-Mart for crooks?" Bucky set his bazooka into the cart, and patted it lovingly. "Gonna give you a good home, baby."

"You do realise you're talking out loud," Steve said dryly.

"I'm gonna name him Elton," Bucky replied, then noticed the blank look on Steve's face. "Elton John? Rocket man?"

"Oh," Steve said finally, as Bucky laughed. "Right. Very funny."

"You and pop culture aren't bosom buddies, huh." He wrapped an arm around Steve's shoulders. "C'mon, blondie. Let's see what other fun goodies we can find."

 

~

 

Steve pushed the cart, following Bucky around the black market warehouse as he pulled items off shelves and threw them into the cart like they were nothing more than groceries.

Steve stepped in once they had boxes of grenades in the cart, and made sure he took the items from Bucky's hand and placed them into the cart himself, _carefully_.

Bucky only giggled at his caution, and Steve wasn't sure if Bucky was trying to ruffle him on purpose, or if he really didn't care about being blown sky high.

Maybe a little of both.

Steve felt kind of like a parent at the supermarket with an unruly kid right now, pushing his cart down yet another aisle while Bucky skipped ahead and did a few balletic spins.

They picked out firearms, ammo, smoke pellets. Then Bucky found a pair of nun-chucks and decided to give Steve a demonstration, swinging them around and around.

"Bucky," Steve tried, glancing about to check no one was within hitting distance.

The warehouse was quiet, but Steve had spotted a few other people wheeling carts around. The last thing they needed was to accidentally fling some nun-chucks at another criminal in a place that was loaded with weapons.

"Look, Steve! I can do it one handed," Bucky said, spinning the nun-chucks this way and that.

"Yes, Buck, I can see," Steve said, and reached out to grab them mid swing. "You can practice at home, alright?"

The word was out of his mouth before he'd realised: _home_.

Bucky stilled, allowing Steve to take the nun-chucks away. Steve felt heat rush to his cheeks, but Bucky didn't tease him or anything. He smiled back shyly and fell into step beside him, helping to push the cart.

"Won't you yell at me for practising indoors?" he asked softly.

"No," Steve said, and cleared his throat. "Just don't do it in my lab."

Bucky's smile grew, and he moved his hand on the cart's handle a little closer to Steve's. "Deal."

"Actually," Steve said, "I... well, I was gonna ask you if... um, would you show me some moves?"

Bucky laughed quietly. "Show you some moves, huh."

"For fighting," Steve clarified, but he couldn't help a smile. "You're very efficient at taking people down."

"Such a sweet talker," Bucky teased. "Make me some more of those love-bombs to smoke people with, and I'll show you whatever moves you want, blondie."

"It's a deal."

The tanoy ding-donged overhead, reading out a number and Bucky exclaimed, "Hey, that's us!" He pointed in the direction of the management office. "This way."

 

Bucky led the way to a back room, and they left their cart by the door.

They squeezed into what seemed like a jam packed auto-shop to Steve. There were engines, parts and scrap metal on every surface, and at the center of it all was a tiny, stocky guy in orange overalls and welding goggles, with the biggest salt and pepper mutton chops Steve had ever seen.

"Hey, Rocket," Bucky greeted. "This is Steve."

The man named Rocket burst out laughing, a deep bellowing laugh. He lifted the goggles up and peered accusingly at Steve.

"What sort of dick name is that?"

Steve raised an eyebrow, but Bucky waved his hand. "Ignore him, Steve," Bucky said. "Although... you could do with a codename."

"And how'd _you_ get out?" Rocket directed to Bucky. "Heard they shipped you off to that freaky human-weapon facility upstate."

Steve looked at Bucky, but he only shrugged, seemingly unconcerned. "Yeah, but I got out with some guys. Got Steve out too."

"And what d'you want me for?" Rocket scoffed. "I'm a busy man, you know."

"We need customised firearms," Bucky said, leaning on a work bench.

"Get your ass off my stuff," Rocket snapped. "Customised, huh? Like...?"

Bucky gestured to Steve, and he produced the list he'd already written out. "I have the specs here," Steve said, offering the note.

Rocket kicked himself forward on his wheeled stool and snatched the note out of Steve's hands. He looked it over, then hummed under his breath.

"Interesting. Chemical warfare, huh?"

"Yes and no," Bucky said with a laugh.

"What gas are you using?" Rocket asked, eyeballing them both.

"My own design," Steve said. "It's plant based, and I'm working on non toxic versions."

"Oh," Rocket said. "You're _that_ guy."

Steve replied calmly, "What guy?"

"The poisoner," Rocket said with a snicker. "Ex-botanist, now eco terrorist, the papers said."

"Ooh, they gave him a streetname?" Bucky said. "There you go, Steve. Poisoner, that's your codename."

Steve rolled his eyes. "I'm not calling myself that. So, can you make these guns for us, Mister Rocket?"

"Sure, kid." Rocket kicked back on his stool, wheeling across the floor to his bench. "Lemme check my schedule."

Steve waited, and hoped they could get out of here soon. Bucky paced around the workshop, then burst out laughing at something. When Steve looked over, Bucky was holding up a crossbow.

"Rocket," Bucky laughed, "this reminds me. Inside I met this guy, he was such a riot. Said he was an assassin and used a bow and arrow. Hah!"

"Hm?" Rocket glanced up. "Oh, you mean Hawkeye?"

"What?" Bucky gaped. "Don't tell me he's real!"

"Blond guy." Rocket nodded. "Yeah, he's legit. Good hitman too."

"No. Way." Bucky set the crossbow down, frowning in thought. "Huh. I wonder if I should go break him out. I forgot all about him."

"No need, I heard he got out already," Rocket said. "So when do you need these customs done? I can start work on 'em next week, so three weeks from now?"

Bucky looked to Steve, and he nodded. "Okay," Steve agreed. Bucky took out a wad of bills from his jacket, and set it on Rocket's workbench.

"Feeling flush, huh?" Rocket snickered. "Don't suppose you two know anything about the hit on Genovese's crew a couple night's ago?"

"What?" Bucky grinned. "Nope, no idea."

Rocket gave them both a half smile, then checked the notes. "These better be unmarked, kid."

"Yep, already checked. And we'll give you the rest when our order is ready," Bucky told him. "See you in three weeks."

"Alright, alright."

They were about to go, then Rocket called, "Hey, poison guy. You like plants, right?"

Steve opened his mouth, but Bucky beat him to it, saying, " _Loves_ them."

Rocket stuck his thumb over his shoulder, indicating a shelf. "I messed up my Bonsai tree. Can you fix it?"

Steve looked at the shelf where a sorry little pot with a half dead tree was sitting in the gloom. He went over and picked it up. There were no leaves on the tree, it was barely a stump.

"Well?" Rocket pressed.

Steve sighed. Why people couldn't look after their plants, he had no idea.

"I can try," he said. "No promises, though."

"I'll give you a discount if you do," Rocket told him. "My buddy gave me that tree. If he finds out I killed it, I'll be in the doghouse."

Steve nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

And with that, they left the workshop. Steve set the Bonsai tree carefully into their shopping cart, and they wheeled their goods over to the checkout.

"Do you need help taking anything out to your vehicle?" Mantis asked cheerily.

Steve almost smiled at the absurdity of it all.

"No, thank you," he told her. "We can manage. I'll bring the cart back after we load up."

"Great!" She smiled at them. "Thank you for shopping at The Merc today!"

Bucky went outside first to get the van, parking it close to the entrance, then Steve wheeled their purchases out. He loaded them into the back of the van, which was thankfully less smelly now, and when they were done he took the cart back as promised.

"Next stop, burgers," Bucky said, getting into the driver's seat. He smiled at Steve, putting the key in the ignition. "Then home, right?"

Steve smiled back. "Yeah. Then home."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The slowest of burns!! :p but don't worry, they are getting there! 
> 
> ~
> 
> Did you spot 'Groot' in this chapter? ^.^
> 
> (Also, 'The Merc' is from Gotham tv series, which I've been rewatching recently bc it's great! Talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jro616) about it! :D and also the new harley quinn movie 'birds of prey' which will be released this time next year. excuse me while i flail into infinity!)
> 
> If you want to see specific characters pop up in this au, tell me in the comments! :)


	13. A Little Less Conversation...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky start to train

 

 

 

"Home again, home again, jiggity jig!" Bucky sang as they arrived back.

Steve tried to hide his smile at first, but as usual Bucky's natural exuberance melted his resolve, so he gave in and let himself smile.

"Unload first?" Bucky asked, killing the ignition. "Or eat?"

They'd gotten take-out, and a few other necessities on the way back, and the smell of the warm food had gotten into Steve's nostrils. His stomach gurgled impatiently.

"I'm pretty hungry," he admitted.

Bucky nodded. "Let's unload when it's dark, then. Better that way." He twisted round in his seat and blew a kiss to the back of the van. "I'll be back for you soon, Elton! My baby, my love!"

Steve felt a bit... _strange_ hearing Bucky say that. "Will you and Elton be needing your own room?" he snarked, getting out of the van. He picked up the greasy take-out bag.

Bucky followed him, carrying the other bag from the 7-11. He fished out a bottle of tequila and grinned at Steve. "Depends how much of this I have! Ooh, tequila!"

"Bucky, you can't get drunk if we're gonna unload the stuff later," Steve told him. "Besides, I thought you were gonna show me some moves?"

"Oh, I will," Bucky replied, opening the bottle. "But first I'll just go slip into something a little more _uncomfortable_."

 

 

Bucky spent long enough in the bathroom that by the time he emerged, Steve had already eaten.

Bucky didn't seem too concerned about dinner yet, drinking his tequila and twirling into the room wearing one of his costumes, with make-up on his face.

"Ah, I feel like a human being again!" he declared.

"You gonna eat?" Steve asked.

"Nah, I'm good." Bucky produced the little portable music player he'd presumably stolen at some point, and switched it on. "Dada-dada, da, tequila!" he sang, shimmying through the room. "Shall we move to the lounge?"

Steve smiled, and followed him to what they'd dubbed the lounge, and what'd once been the waiting area for the clinic. Bucky set the music player and his bottle of tequila on the counter, then started doing some stretches.

"So what d'you want me to show you?" he asked.

"I want to take down more people, more efficiently," Steve said.

"Who doesn't," Bucky giggled, raising his arms above his head to stretch up. The little top he wore rode up too, exposing his midriff.

Steve didn't mean to look, but he was curious. He also suspected Bucky wanted the attention anyway, because that's just how Bucky was.

Not that Steve minded, or anything. He'd started to feel very aware of it recently, that was all.

"You're strong," Bucky stated. "I think if we do some slow motion stuff first, work on your technique a little."

Steve nodded. "Sounds good. Just try not to touch my skin."

He'd kept on most of his clothes, as a precaution, and his plastic gloves too.

"Yeah, yeah," Bucky said, coming to stand in front of him. "I know."

"I'm serious, Bucky."

Bucky's lips curved into a smile. "Yes, you are."

Steve smiled too, but he needed Bucky to understand. "I don't want to hurt you..."

"You won't." Bucky drew his fist back, and paused. "So, in slow motion, you pretend to be a regular meathead, and I'll come at you. Got it?"

"Got it."

"I'm gonna aim a punch to your face," Bucky explained, moving his fist slowly toward Steve. "What would you do?"

"Block?"

"Okay, so block."

Steve lifted his hand to protect his face, and realised his mistake when he received a knee to his exposed side. He grunted softly. "Ow?"

Bucky pulled back, giggling. "You see what I did there?"

"Yes, I felt it too."

"I'm sure you can take it, big boy."

Steve's face grew hot, but he set his jaw with determination. "Can we try again?"

"Sure. Hang on." Bucky pulled out a pair of little gloves, one red and one black. He slipped them on, then got back into position. "Okay, same move. Ready?"

Steve nodded, and when Bucky came in with a slow punch to his face, Steve was ready to block that and then the knee that followed.

Except then Bucky leapt up, booted feet jamming into Steve's hip and stomach as he propelled up Steve's body and twisted around onto his back with an arm around Steve's throat.

Steve could've thrown him off, but he didn't want to hurt Bucky. He wasn't entirely sure what to do, and in the next moment Bucky had hopped away.

"Tequila!" he sang.

Steve turned to him with a mild frown. "What's the lesson here?"

"What do you think the lesson is?" Bucky replied.

Steve shrugged.

"You need to move more!" Bucky flung his arms out. "I've seen you fight, Steve. You rely on your strength and stay rooted to the spot like a tree, punching only when someone gets close to you."

"I guess?" Steve conceded. "I haven't, like, tried anything else. I was afraid I'd hurt people."

"Isn't that the point?" Bucky laughed.

"I'd like to be able to defend myself," Steve said.

"Okay, let's try something else..." Bucky wandered over to the tequila and had a quick drink.

Steve grimaced. "I don't know how you can drink that stuff."

"Try to catch me." Bucky backed away into the corner, eyes on Steve. "I'll show you some evasive moves."

"Alright." Steve hesitated, watching Bucky before he advanced on him. He was pretty sure Bucky would try to slip away before he could make contact, and he was right: Bucky kicked himself up the wall and swan-dived over Steve's head.

Steve turned around, impressed, and tried to follow after him. He made to grab Bucky, but it was like trying to grasp at air: he twisted and turned out of Steve's grasp every time, giggling in delight.

The only thing Steve managed to grab onto was Bucky's sparkly tutu, and it ripped off as Bucky evaded him.

Steve stood there holding the torn frills, Bucky now on the other side of the room in just the leggings he'd had on underneath. He glanced down at himself then set his hands on his hips as he glared at Steve.

"Hey! That one was my favorite!"

"Um, sorry." Steve offered the skirt out. "I didn't mean to rip it."

Bucky charged at him, snatching onto the skirt and using it to trap Steve's arms as he twisted behind Steve.

But Steve was ready for him this time, and turned to match Bucky's turns, grabbing onto him around the waist before he could escape.

"Hah!" he said with a grin. "I win."

Bucky blinked back at him, his eyes wide and his eyelashes sooty with mascara. He inhaled in Steve's arms, and as Steve realised how close they were he released his hold and began to apologise. Bucky used the opportunity to run up Steve's body like a springboard and then his thighs were tight around Steve's neck and Steve just... He froze, then Bucky toppled him like a felled tree before he rolled away on the floor. 

"Hah," Bucky parroted back. "I win."

Steve blinked up at the ceiling, flat on his back and aware that his entire face was flushed. "You win," he murmured.

"Wanna try again?" Bucky asked.

Steve turned onto his side, saw that Bucky was laying on his front, chin in hand and feet waving in the air. Steve smiled wryly. "How are you kicking my ass while drunk? It's just unfair."

Bucky smiled back at him. "One, I'm not that drunk... _yet_. Two, evading isn't that hard once you get the hang of it."

"Maybe I should stick to brute strength," Steve grumbled.

"You just gotta keep practising." Bucky rolled onto his side and kicked one leg up high, bringing it down and using the momentum to stand gracefully.

Steve felt like such a heavy lump in comparison as he got to his feet. "Maybe later," he said with a sigh. "Why don't we unload our stuff from the van."

"Ooh, yes, Elton!" Bucky cheered, and turned a cartwheel before dashing out of the room.

Steve followed after him, and as they opened up the van the first thing Bucky took out was the sorry little Bonsai tree.

"Don't forget Rocket's pride and joy," Bucky snickered, handing it over to Steve.

"Oh, yeah." He looked the tree over, and figured he'd leave it in the lab under his sun lamps. Maybe a spray of his formula would help it out.

 

 

 

 


	14. Somewhere That's Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve saves 'Groot', Bucky serenades, and Steve shares his plan

 

 

_The next day_

 

 

 

"Steve," Bucky said, leaning in on the lab's work bench, "is it just me, or is that plant moving?"

"Hm?" Steve glanced up from his work to see Bucky staring at the Bonsai tree. "Oh, um. Yes, it sort of... responded to my serum, I guess?"

The tree's branches wiggled, just a little.

Bucky turned a wide eyed look to him. "You think?"

"Well, what?" Steve shrugged. "It's alive, it's getting some leaves back, practically overnight. By the time we see your pal, Rocket, again, it'll be good as new."

Bucky snorted. "Yeah, or it'll be the size of a house and saying, feed me, Seymour!"

Steve looked at him with a frown.

" _Feed me, Seymour!_ " Bucky repeated, affecting a deep voice.

Steve shrugged.

"Little Shop of Horrors?" Bucky said. "Ring any bells? No?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Steve told him, "but if you're worried about the plant mutating, then..." He hummed. "I have no guarantee that it won't, actually."

Bucky sat himself up on the workbench and looked at Steve. "What _exactly_ can you do with plants? When they left you in that cell, the walls got all mossy and overgrown, and you literally turned green."

"Because I didn't have my medicines," Steve reminded him. "I think plants are, um, attracted to me now? The cells were damp already, the moss just appeared. It happens more when I can't regulate my meds."

"So, you're like The Pied Piper to plants?" Bucky pressed.

Steve shrugged again. "I don't really know."

"Don't you want to test it out?" Bucky picked up the Bonsai tree, holding it in his lap. "I mean, using plants could work to your advantage."

"Maybe?" Steve hedged. "I've been a little busy with these formulas, Bucky. What would I do with a plant pot in a fight, anyway? Break it over someone's head?"

Bucky threw his head back to laugh. "Yes, please do that, Steve. No, I mean... I don't know, but there could be something useful about it? Here." He held the tree out to Steve. "Talk to it."

Steve felt a little embarrassed, but he had to admit, he was curious too. He leaned in and murmured softly, "Hello, little tree."

The Bonsai wiggled again. Steve and Bucky shared a look.

"Steve, I really think this is something you should look into," Bucky said.

"Okay, fine, I will," he promised. "But I'm working on something else right now, and it's important."

Bucky set the tree down, and hopped off the bench. "Anything I can help with?"

"It's for you, actually." Steve cleared his throat. "I want to, um. I thought we could run a patch test, if you agree to it?"

"A patch test."

"It's a series of small scratches on the arm," Steve began, "to see if a person is allergic to––"

"I know what a patch test is," Bucky interrupted. "What are you testing me for?"

"Um, me." Steve felt too shy to look at Bucky, so he focused on the set of petri dishes in front of him.

"You," Bucky repeated.

"We're cohabiting," Steve pointed out. "The ventilation in here isn't amazing, even with those air purifiers we got. I'm worried you'll get sick if you stay in such close proximity to me over a prolonged period of time."

Bucky was quiet a moment, and Steve couldn't bear the tension. He shifted in his seat, anxious. "It's entirely your call, Buck. You don't have to do it. I just thought... it'd make things a bit easier."

"Have you done this before?" Bucky asked, stepping closer and looking at the petri dishes.

"Um, no," he admitted. "Anyone who comes into direct contact with my skin gets poisoned almost immediately, and death can be either instantaneous or slow and painful. But I've isolated some of the more powerful toxins in my system and I think I can work from there. Once I know which toxin affects you, I can work on an antidote, or more specifically, a vaccination."

Bucky exhaled a puff of air, like he was amused. "So, a flu shot?"

"That's the idea," Steve said. "But it'll have to be in stages. Patch test on your arm first."

"Okay," Bucky said breezily. "I'm down with it."

Steve looked at him in surprise. "You are?"

"Sure." Bucky flashed him a quick smile, though he didn't quite meet Steve's eyes. "Like you said, it'll make things easier, right?"

"Uh, yes." Steve nodded. "Yes, I hope so."

Bucky rolled up his sleeve and offered his arm out. "Do what you gotta do, doc."

 

~

 

They still had two weeks before their weapons order from Rocket would be ready, which meant they weren't really going out anywhere.

Steve was dealing with the patch test on Bucky's arm, which had broken out in various rashes and hives for each scratch. Steve treated each one, making sure the poison didn't do anything lethal to Bucky.

It did make him a bit unwell for a few days, but nothing too terrible. Steve insisted he take it easy, so Bucky stayed in his sleeping bag in the bedroom, covered with blankets while he sewed costumes together.

Once Bucky was out of the danger zone from the patch test, Steve could get to work on the next phase of making Bucky immune.

But it would take time.

When Bucky felt better, they went over a few more training sessions, and Steve tried his best to improve his fighting style. Bucky rigged up some long rope and ripped bed-sheets from the ceiling, getting Steve to have a go climbing up it and dangling from a makeshift swing.

"It'll help your balance," he insisted, as Steve flailed about until he got the hang of it.

He kind of liked it, playing around with Bucky. Though Steve still had to be cautious that they didn't touch, not skin to skin. Bucky was his friend, his only friend. If Steve hurt him by mistake, he'd never forgive himself.

But he was confident he could find a solution. Then he wouldn't have to worry so much, then he could...

Steve wasn't sure exactly what would come next. He had a feeling Bucky liked him, and he wanted to explore that. Maybe a kiss, maybe some hand holding.

Preferably without accidental death.

When the three weeks were up, Steve had been busy working in his lab, not only for Bucky's tests but also engineering his formula to be distributed by gas.

Bucky had been busy too, making costumes for them. Steve was somewhat dubious about his when Bucky presented it to him: a skintight catsuit that was black for the bottom half, and green mesh material up top.

"Jeez, Bucky," Steve said. "I don't know..."

"It's what you asked for!" Bucky asked. "The mesh on your upper body means anyone who tries to touch you is––" He slid a finger across his throat and made a choking noise.

"Yeah, but I wasn't expecting it to be so transparent," Steve told him. "I mean. I may as well walk around naked!"

"So?" Bucky shrugged. "Wrap some plants around you? That can be your gimmick. Plant boy. And if you run out of ammo, throw some poison ivy at them or something."

Bucky cackled at his own joke, but an idea formed in Steve's head.

"Actually, Bucky," he murmured, "that's not a bad idea..."

 

~

 

"A picture out of Better Homes and Gardens _magaziiine!_ " Bucky sang, terribly off key. He had the Bonsai tree cradled in his lap, sitting in the passenger side of the van.

Steve drove, with his gloves on, and glanced over with a smile.

"Far from Skid Row," Bucky sang, "I dream we'll go! Somewhere that's _greeeeen!_ "

The tree wiggled in its pot, like it was enjoying the song.

Steve chuckled. "What're you singing?"

"It's from Little Shop of Horrors," Bucky said, lifting up the pot in his hands. "Feed me, Seymour!" he said in a deeper voice.

The tree wiggled again.

Steve had to pay attention to the road, though they were stuck in slow moving traffic trying to get across town. "Maybe we should've got Rocket a new Bonsai," Steve mused.

"He said this one's important to him," Bucky said. "And you fixed it! Now we'll get a discount on our shit."

Steve shrugged. "Well, he's your friend. If you're sure you want to give him a mutant tree."

Bucky snickered in delight. "Yes. Yes, I do!"

 

When they got to The Merc on the outskirts of the city, Steve parked the van and they got out. Bucky carried the plant in his arms, and they headed to the entrance.

They were in civvies today, trying to look inconspicuous, but at home their costumes were waiting, nearly finished.

Steve was excited, they were so close to realising their plans. Now they just had to pick up their customised weapons, and get to work on the finishing touches.

Mantis greeted them at the door. "Hello!" she said brightly. "Welcome to The Merc! Rocket is expecting you."

"Thanks, Mantis!" Bucky said.

Drax was lounging in a chair, munching his way through a tube of Pringles. He looked up and grunted, "Thought that tree was a goner."

Steve kept quiet, but Bucky beamed like a proud parent. "Steve has a very green thumb," he said with a chuckle.

Steve cleared his throat. "C'mon, Buck. We don't want to keep Rocket waiting."

They went through to Rocket's workshop, and Rocket was just as curmudgeonly as the last time Steve had met him. He did seem a little surprised when Bucky handed over the Bonsai tree, now healthy and full of leaves.

"Huh," Rocket said, looking it over. "Well, how about that. You sure you didn't switch my tree out for another?"

"Nope, same one." Bucky told him. "So, that means we get a discount, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, alright." Rocket set the Bonsai tree aside, then showed them over to one of his workbenches. "Check your order over first."

"Neat." Bucky picked up what looked like some suped up machine gun, testing its aim. "This my smoke gun?"

Steve stepped closer to look. He couldn't wait to get it back home to test it out with the love-bombs he'd made.

"Yep," Rocket confirmed. "All your short and long range grenade launchers, as requested. I presume you're getting your own ammo, so they're empty right now. And over here..." Rocket wheeled along on his chair. "Your flare guns, and handguns."

Steve looked them over one by one. Though he'd designed the specs for the customised firearms, he wouldn't know for sure if they worked unless he could test them with the ammo he had back in his lab.

"If there's any issues, can we come back?" he asked, looking to Rocket.

Rocket gave him a flat look. "Normally I'd say, screw you and no returns," he spat. Then he sighed and added, "But, seeing as you saved my Bonsai, then alright. Just this once!"

"Relax, guys," Bucky chuckled, and picked up a pair of pistols. "I'm sure everything will be fine and dandy."

Rocket rolled his eyes. "Shut up and pay me, so I can get back to work."

Bucky handed over a roll of bills. "Pleasure doing business with you, cranky pants."

They collected their weapons together, and just as they walked out the door Rocket grumbled, "Do I need my eyes checked, or did that tree just fucking move?"

Steve bit his lip, and Bucky snorted but managed to smother his laughter as they hurried away.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up next: time to suit up! 
> 
> What do you think Steve and Bucky will do first? ^.^
> 
> Thank you all so much for your kind comments on this story, I really appreciate it! <33


	15. I Don't Care (I Love It)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this au! And your lovely comments <33
> 
> And huge big thank you to sappyrogers on tumblr for drawing a beautiful [Steve and Bucky art](https://sappyrogers.tumblr.com/post/182832770513/this-one-is-for-jro616-based-on-their) for this au! :D
> 
> ~

 

 

 

Tonight was the night, and Bucky had been dying to show off his new outfit.

He pulled on his custom pants: one leg a deep red and the other black, with an alternating diamond pattern down the thighs. They were made of a special material, easy to move in but reinforced to protect him. Bucky liked them because the material felt soft and buttery to the touch, plus they made his ass look amazing.

He'd had a little jacket made of the same design, with lots of useful pockets and cute zips. Underneath he wore a simple workout top that said in glitter writing across the chest, _Surprise, bitch!_

Bucky loaded up on guns, ammo, knives, and a belt of smoke bombs made by Steve, each grenade painted with a little red heart.

Bucky deliberated on bringing Elton, currently tucked up snug in Bucky's sleeping bag, but they had to travel light tonight.

"Next time, baby," he said, blowing Elton a kiss.

Bucky tied on his pair of boots that were the lightest to move in, with glitter black laces. Then he took his make-up bag into the bathroom to do his face.

"Steve!" he yelled. "You ready, yet? Time's a tickin'!"

"One sec!" Steve called back.

Probably still tinkering in his lab. They needed to leave on time if they were going to hit everything on Bucky's carefully thought out list in one night.

Bucky applied his make-up in the mirror, humming to himself. He could afford to be a little outlandish tonight, and he smeared black glittery eyeshadow over one eyelid, and red over the other. He painted on waterproof red lipstick, and smacked his lips together.

It was a shame he couldn't wear one of his perfumes, but Steve had already spritzed him with some anti-toxin spray earlier, saying it would help counteract all the love-dust and smoke they planned to use.

Bucky fixed his hair into high up pigtails with colored scrunchies, so it was out of the way. He had a pair of goggles for later, and set those in place on his head, and the small gas mask around his neck for easy reach.

The sooner Steve could make him fully immune, the better.

Bucky pulled on his leather fingerless gloves with the reinforced knuckles, and mentally ticked things off his list to check he had everything. His go bag and a couple smoke guns were already waiting by the door.

"Well, I'm ready," he announced, breezing out the bathroom. "Are you––"

He paused when he saw Steve in the bedroom, his back to Bucky as he wiggled into the tight catsuit. 

Bucky couldn't help watch, all that smooth skin and thick, bunching muscles on display. Steve was built like a superman. He'd gotten the catsuit up to his waist, but seemed a bit stuck with the top section.

"Want some help?" Bucky offered, going over there.

Steve looked round at him. "Put your gloves on."

Bucky huffed in annoyance, but he snapped on a pair of plastic gloves. He'd started keeping them in his pocket.

"Hold still," he instructed, as he helped untangle the green mesh part of Steve's costume. Together they got it into place so Steve could slide his arms through the sleeves, and Bucky helped him to tie up the front.

There was a generous amount of man-cleavage showing, and Bucky not to accidentally brush his hands over Steve's enormous pecs. He finished tying the top, and looked up to see Steve watching him.

Bucky smiled. "You look great."

"I feel like a dork," Steve said, making Bucky snort-laugh.

"Have a little flair, Steve."

"I'm not really a flair type person," he grumbled, looking Bucky up and down. "You look nice, though."

Bucky's cheeks flamed up in response, and he smiled shyly. "Thank you. Now, let's go finish your look." He took hold of Steve's arm and steered him to the lab. "I'll play the I don't care song for you, and everything will be fine."

"The what song?" Steve asked.

"You'll see."

 

Bucky got his portable music player and blasted upbeat pop songs, singing along as he painted green glitter around Steve's eyes.

"See?" he said, handing Steve the mirror after. "You'll be serving up looks tonight."

Steve seemed a bit perplexed, but as he examined his reflection in the compact, he hummed in thought.

"Okay, I guess it goes with the outfit."

"Yay!" Bucky cheered.

Steve checked the time. "I better load up."

Bucky watched and helped, fetching the items Steve needed. Steve put on black boots, a belt of smoke bombs around his slim waist, and thigh holsters of ammo. He strapped his custom weapons from Rocket onto his forearms: one a miniature dart gun, the other a vaporiser.

Lastly, Steve opened up a small tank in the lab and took out his latest experiment: a long vine of poison ivy. He'd been doctoring it over the last week, feeding it a special serum, and the vine wiggled as Steve lifted it from the tank.

"The finishing touch, I guess?" he said, wrapping it around his upper arms and shoulders, like a stole.

Bucky clapped his hands together. "I love it! Can we take a picture?"

"Uh, okay?"

Bucky had stolen a Polaroid camera a while back, and went to fetch it. He stepped in close to Steve, careful not to touch, and held the camera up.

"Say cheese!"

They smiled at the camera and Bucky pressed the button. The flash was bright and left them both blinking.

"I think I might've blinked," Steve said, as Bucky shook off the Polaroid.

"Let's take a couple more," Bucky suggested. They could spare a minute.

When they were done, he left the Polaroids on the bench in the lab to develop, and they headed out the door. Bucky grabbed his smoke guns and bag as they left.

"Let's paint the town red!" he whooped, getting into the van.

The plan was to drive it to a secure spot, and leave it while they procured another vehicle for the night.

The early evening traffic had died down a little, and they parked the van on the outskirts of Hell's Kitchen.

"Time for a sweeter ride," Bucky said, locking the van and pocketing the keys.

Steve stood on the curb, looking around nervously. "People are gonna look at us."

"Steve, we're near the theater district," Bucky pointed out. "If anyone asks, just say we're with a show." He began walking down the side-walk, checking out the parked cars. "I want a convertible."

"Isn't that a little conspicuous?" Steve hissed, falling into step behind him.

Bucky threw him an amused look. "That's the point."

Steve gave him an unimpressed look in return, and the ivy leaves around his shoulders appeared to bristle.

Bucky snorted in amusement. "Live a little, Steve. Oh," he added, frowning in thought, "we should probably use code-names now."

"Oh, swell," Steve muttered. "Like what?"

"Gee, I don't know..." Bucky eyed up the cars on offer, looking for a suitable target. "Why don't we just go with the obvious? Poison Ivy and Harlequin?"

"Mmf." Steve pressed his lips into a flat line, clearly not on board with those suggestions.

"Well, you come up with a better idea," Bucky said, leading them down the street.

A couple tourists asked them for a photo, which Bucky was happy to oblige. Steve looked a bit uncomfortable, so after a quick photo they hurried along to the next street.

"Bingo." Bucky gestured to a bright red convertible, parked illegally with some douche sitting in the driver seat talking on his cell phone.

Bucky led the way over, Steve right behind him. "I'll knock him out," Bucky offered.

"Or," Steve replied, "we can use my formula?"

"Oh." Bucky had almost forgotten in his excitement. "Okay. Do your thing."

They closed in on the car, Bucky at the passenger side and Steve at the driver's.

"Hi," Steve said, leaning in and blowing a puff of love-dust right in the surprised man's face.

The man stopped talking on his phone and immediately got a dopey look on him as he gazed back at Steve.

"Hi," he slurred.

Steve smiled at him and said, "Say, can we borrow your car?"

"Sure!" the man agreed, and hurried to get out.

Steve shot Bucky a proud smile, then they got into the car together and Steve turned the key in the ignition. "Thanks!" he called, as they left the guy standing on the curb.

Bucky whooped, and turned on the car's radio. "Look out, New York! Here we come!"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Yes, totally going in the ["No man can stop us!"](https://66.media.tumblr.com/dad2800348c2b39e2590a5eca9d40c5d/tumblr_inline_pnwexzlexZ1v86a0h_540.jpg) direction!)


	16. And They Called It Puppy Love

 

 

 

The first hit went smoothly enough.

In the basement of a run down restaurant was a count-house. Steve and Bucky entered the restaurant section first and set off a smoke bomb, gassing the place and turning all the staff and patrons into love-drunk fools.

Bucky sent a couple smoke grenades down the service shaft in the kitchen, and when they got into the basement all the thugs were already half asleep from the smoke.

They used bin-bags to bag up the cash, piles and piles of it. Bucky in his gas mask and goggles, Steve unaffected by the smoke. They got in and out quick, stuffing the bags into the trunk of the car.

Bucky had already planned out their route, so it was a short drive to a soup kitchen that he knew was run by good people.

Steve drove them round the back, and Bucky hopped out to get a bag of money. He let himself in the back door, and when he spotted Darcy, one of the volunteers, he left the bag and ran back out.

The less people knew who their secret Robin Hood's were, the better.

Bucky ran up to the car and did a front forward flip into it, landing neatly on the seat. "Ow, my ass," he grumbled, because the seats weren't all that soft.

Steve smiled at him, and peeled out into the street.

Next stop, a women's shelter, run by one of Peter Quill's associates, Gamora.

Steve stopped the car outside, while Bucky ran in with a bag of cash. As soon as he saw Gamora, he dropped the bag and ran.

"Bucky?" she called after him.

"Can't stop, G!" he called back, and ran out the door. He got in the car again and they drove to their next two stops, both homeless shelters.

Once they'd dropped off all the money, Bucky checked the time and they drove to their next hit: a betting ring run by the same gang.

The ring operated this same night each week in an old warehouse. It should've been a piece of cake, but when they pulled up outside in the alley, there was two unmarked black vans already parked there.

"Huh," Bucky said, as Steve stopped the car. "I wonder if..." He trailed off as the vans opened their doors, and men with guns got out. "Oh," he said. "Guess they beefed up security since I was last here.

"You think?" Steve hissed. "What now?"

The men trained their guns on them, as one guy shouted out, "You're not on the list, so turn around now or we'll shoot!"

"Relax," Bucky whispered to Steve, "I got this." He slipped a couple grenades into his sleeves then raised his hands in a sign of surrender. Bucky slowly stood up, standing on the car seat. "Hey, fellas!" he called out cheerily. "Long time, no see!"

"Aw, shit," the same guy said, training his gun squarely on Bucky. "What the fuck do you want, freakshow? Crossbones ain't here."

"Aw, pity." Bucky made a sad face. "But I ain't here for him." He tossed the grenades out and shouted, "Bombs away!"

"Fuck!" The men scrambled, trying to dodge the grenades. Some started shooting, so Bucky ducked down and shot back with his pistols.

Steve ducked down too as the grenades went off, smoking the men. "Now what?" he said.

"Now, we go bust down the front door," Bucky said, "before they all bust out." He holstered his pistols and grabbed his smoke gun, jumping out the car.

Bucky shot a series of smoke bombs in through the windows, while Steve kicked in the front door and tossed in a grenade.

They fought their way inside as goons dived in on them, Bucky dodging blows and bullets, Steve knocking people out the way then using his darts and love-dust

The smoke brought everyone down soon enough: the gangs, the patrons, and even the bare knuckle boxers in the dirty ring.

Bucky led Steve through the dazed and coughing bodies, his gas mask on. He kept an eye out for Crossbones, but Bucky didn't see him anywhere, which was a good thing. Just that one guy out front that'd recognised him.

Bucky cartwheeled over the bar, and went in search of the night's takings. He found it in a box, wads of dirty cash.

Steve opened up a couple bin bags, and they loaded up the money.

"This doesn't seem as much as the last place," he commented, as they tied the bags securely.

"It's probably not even half," Bucky guessed, "but this here is a nice little earner for the gangs, that's why it runs every week." He glanced up at Steve, and gave him a smile. "You did good back there. Fighting off all those guys."

Steve smiled wryly. "Thanks."

"C'mon, blondie. Let's blow this joint." Bucky began to tug a heavy bag of cash, when Steve stepped in to pick it up.

"Allow me."

"Be my guest!" Bucky skipped along behind Steve as he carried all the cash, waving goodbye to the dazed people on the floor.

A high-pitched whine stopped him in his tracks, and even Steve paused to turn round.

"Was that a dog?"

"Sounds like it," Bucky said. "Go load the cash, I'll check it out."

Steve nodded, and went out the door. Bucky followed the whine, which was soon joined by another doggy-sounding whine.

"Here, pooch," he said softly. "Where are you?"

The whines picked up, and Bucky found a back room, dark and gloomy. He hit the lights, and removed his gas mask and goggles when he saw dozens of dogs in cages.

"Oh," he said, walking up to the first cage. A big, fluffy St Bernard gazed balefully back at him. "Aw, poochie," Bucky cooed, holding his hand up to the cage.

The dog whimpered, and the other dogs joined in on cue. Bucky's heart broke, and he said determinedly, "Don't worry, buds. I'll get you out of here."

"Bucky?" Steve's voice called.

"In here!" Bucky called back. "Come look!"

"What're you..." Steve entered the room, and looked around. "Oh, shit," he murmured. "Look at all these dogs."

"We have to free them, Steve," Bucky said, looking at him pleadingly. "We can't leave them here, they'll get made to fight."

"Oh," Steve said, looking at the dogs, then to Bucky. "But... won't they be dangerous if we let them out?"

"They seem okay." Bucky gestured at the placid dogs, all poking their different sized snouts at the cage doors and whimpering.

"Probably the gas," Steve mused. "But if it wears off, what then? I haven't exactly tested this serum on animals."

"I can't leave them here, Steve."

"Okay, just..." Steve sighed, and aimed his arm with the vaporiser on. "I'll do one small burst now and walk out with it, and they'll probably follow the scent."

"Good thinking." Bucky got up and went to unlock the first cage. He nodded to Steve. "Ready when you are."

"Alright, doggies," Steve said, spraying a small puff of love-dust in the air. He wafted it with his hand, then backed out of the room. "Come with me! Follow me."

Bucky unlocked the cages one after another, and luckily the dogs obediently followed Steve's trail. They were mostly medium and large sized dogs, all different breeds. Bucky ushered them along too, and together they herded the dogs outside of the warehouse.

"What now?" Steve asked, as the dogs simply stood around, waiting patiently.

"Well... I know someone who rescues dogs?" Bucky said. "Maybe with a hefty cash donation, they'd be willing to take them in?"

"Okay," Steve agreed, and glanced at their car. "We won't all fit in the convertible."

"Aw, shit." Bucky made a face. He loved that car.

Steve pointed out the black vans. "We could use one of those?"

"I guess we could," Bucky said, and got to work opening the van and tossing out the shit inside, including one half passed out thug. Then he got in and patted his thighs. "C'mon, doggies! C'mon! Come to mommy."

The dogs got into the van, Steve helping to usher them in. He closed the side door, then went to fetch the bags of cash, throwing them in the front seats as he got into the driver's chair.

"Where to?" he said.

"Head to Jersey," Bucky told him, sitting down on the floor with the dogs. The St Bernard had cuddled in close to him, and a big lean wolfy looking dog sat on Bucky's other side. "Aw, pups," he murmured, scritching their heads.

The other dogs, still somewhat subdued, all sat down like well behaved pets as the van started up, and Steve drove them away from the warehouse.

Bucky used their burner phone to call his contact, and offered him a large cash sum in return for taking in the dogs. Bruce ran a self funded animal rehabilitation shelter in his spare time, but he was kind of paranoid and didn't like people coming to his home address.

Once Bucky explained the situation to Bruce, they arranged a meeting point just outside of New Jersey, and Bucky directed Steve where to go.

 

It was dark now, all the better for a meeting. They turned off the highway and onto a more rural road, where Steve spotted a lone figure on a bicycle waiting by the side of the road.

"Think we found your guy," Steve said, bringing the van to a stop.

"Awesome," Bucky said, spluttering from doggy kisses on his cheeks. "Aw, pups."

Steve had turned around in his seat and peered into the back. "So... shall I get out and meet him?"

"Yeah," Bucky said. "He's pretty jumpy, but he's good with animals."

Bucky waited in the van with the dogs, the St Bernard cuddled in under one arm, and the big wolfy dog under his other arm.

The side door opened, and Steve stood there with Bruce.

"Oh," Bruce said, surprised. "That's... a lot of dogs."

"I told you it was a dozen," Bucky said. "We'll give you money."

"It's not that." Bruce rubbed a hand through his dishevelled hair. "I'm pretty full up right now, and these are all big dogs."

"Oh..." Bucky felt bad, but then an idea occurred to him. He looked at Steve with wide, pleading eyes. "We can take some?"

Steve blinked once, then pulled his thinking face. "Like, temporarily?"

"Sure!" Bucky said, and ruffled the heads of the two dogs who'd taken a shine to him. "They can be our guard pups!"

"Mmm..." Steve sounded dubious.

"If you take two," Bruce said, "I think I can take the rest."

"Great!" Bucky declared. "Hey, have you got some collars we can borrow?"

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is where my au's [Bud and Lou](https://66.media.tumblr.com/d95f1998d9ddd5e78376bbd9e4a8691e/tumblr_inline_pnwf85iqii1v86a0h_540.jpg) come in! Canon Harley has a pair of hyenas, but I'm giving Bucky a St Bernard and an Anatolian Sheepdog.
> 
> What do you think our intrepid anti-heroes will do next?? ^.^


	17. Who Let The Dogs Out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading this au and all your lovely comments!
> 
> Please take a look at this gorgeous art G.G. has done of [Harley Bucky and Poison Ivy Steve](https://gg-003.tumblr.com/post/183313553793/fanart-for-the-fic-by-jro616-one-shot-of-poison) going out in their costumes! Go show them some love.  
> Thank you so much, G.G.! <33
> 
> ~ ~

 

 

 

"This is not how I pictured tonight would go," Steve said dryly, as they walked down the road side by side.

Bucky had the two enormous dogs on leashes, borrowed from Bruce, and they walked calmly enough but tugged Bucky along like he weighed nothing. Bucky seemed thrilled though, with a big, dopey grin on his face and his pigtails bouncing with each step. He had his smoke gun strapped on his back, and Steve carried the other gun for him.

"Think on the plus side," Bucky said. "Now we've got guard dogs we'll be safer at home."

"Yeah, but, how safe are the dogs?" Steve pointed out. "They can't touch me, remember, or they'll be poisoned."

"I'll keep them out of the lab," Bucky assured him. "We'll work something out. Now let's find a car. I'm not walking back to the city."

They'd entered a residential area, with homes spread out along the quiet roads and little street lamps shining. Nearly all the homes had driveways with at least one car.

Bucky nudged Steve and gestured up the first street. "There."

"I don't know how to hotwire a car," Steve told him, gazing around at all the people carriers and Hybrids.

"No, Steve." Bucky rolled his eyes. "Go knock on a door, book of Mormon style, and get the keys."

"Oh," Steve said. "Wait, what do you mean, book of Mormon?"

"Seriously, Steve?" Bucky was yanked along by the dogs, but he looked at Steve over his shoulder. "It's a musical. Come on."

Steve followed him, looking left and right at the houses with their lights on inside. "So..." he started, looking for a place that seemed like they could afford to lose a car for the night, "I just, like, knock on the door?"

"And ask if they've heard of our lord and savior, them _boom!_ " Bucky mimed a blowing action. "Hit 'em with your love dust!"

"Right." Steve saw a house with an expensive Hybrid on the drive. "What about this one?"

"All these cars _suck_ ," Bucky grumbled, as they made their way up the drive to the house. "I miss my convertible already!" The dogs huffed and panted, pulling Bucky along.

"You guys stand out of sight," Steve said quietly, ushering Bucky and the dogs away. Then he cleared his throat and rang the doorbell. "Be cool," he told himself, "be cool, Steve."

The door was answered by a woman in sweats, looking very harried, and when Steve heard the yells of rambunctious young kids inside the house, he said, "Uh, sorry, wrong house!"

He quickly backed away, leaving the woman staring after him for a moment before she shut the door again.

"Steve!" Bucky hissed, as they hurried away down the drive. "What the hell?"

"We can't steal her car, Bucky," Steve hissed back. "What if she's on her own with kids? A single mom? I don't want to steal her car."

"Steve!" Bucky groaned. "Then pick another and do it quick. These pups are gonna pull my arms out."

"Okay, okay." Steve scanned the other properties, the pointed across the street when he spotted two cars in one driveway. "Look. How about over there?"

They crossed the street to check out the car.

"Ooh, a sunroof," Bucky mused. "Make sure you get this one," he told Steve.

"Right. Sunroof." Steve stepped up to the front door, and tried again.

This door was opened by a man: a white man wearing an expensive looking sweater. Steve dusted him right away, squirting a puff of his serum into his face. "We need to borrow your car," he said, holding out his hand. "Would you hand over the keys?"

"The one with the sunroof!" Bucky called out.

"The one with the sunroof," Steve amended with a smile. The man nodded, clearly spaced out on the love dust, and went to fetch the keys. Once he handed them over to Steve, Steve shut the door and walked to the car, unlocking it with the electronic button.

Bucky opened the back door and the dogs scrabbled to get inside, their fluffy tails wagging. "Awesome!" Bucky shut them in and went around to the passenger side. "Let's take the kids into the city," he joked.

 

 

Steve had never driven a vehicle with dogs inside before.

He made a mental note to get himself some ear plugs if they ever did this again, because the dogs barked the entire drive into the city.

"Knock it off!" Bucky yelled into the back, but the dogs took little notice.

Steve had wound down all the windows, and both dogs were poking their snouts out each back window and either barking loudly or letting their tongues loll out in the wind.

"So," Steve said, driving them into to midtown as per Bucky's directions, "we won't exactly have the element of surprise with all this noise."

Bucky had his hands over his ears, and winced. "Ugh, they're so loud. Oh, wait!" He pointed down the street. "Pull in at that convenience store, I'm gonna get something that'll shut them up."

"Good thinking." Steve had to park illegally, but he didn't exactly care.

Bucky darted out of the car, leaving his smoke guns behind, and ran into the store.

Steve drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. The dogs became quiet now they weren't moving, but still with their giant furry heads stuck out the window, sniffing at the city air.

At least they seemed relatively well behaved, Steve thought. Aside from the barking.

Bucky came back from the store carrying a big bag of doggie biscuits under one arm, and a smaller bag in his other hand.

"Right," he said, getting into the car and stashing the kibbles in the footwell. "They had some big ol' chew sticks, so..." He unwrapped some chew bones quickly and tossed them all in the back. "Have at it, pups!"

The dogs picked up the chews, and immediately went silent as they settled down to munch on them.

"Ahh, peace!" Bucky declared, sagging in his seat.

Steve had to chuckle. "It was your idea to take the dogs, Buck."

"I can't hear you," Bucky told him, pulling out some earplugs. "By the way, I got us some earplugs."

"Good thinking," Steve said with a smile. "So, what shall we do?"

Bucky looked at him. "What? Don't you want to do this hit?"

"How many hits can we do with these dogs in tow?" Steve asked.

"Um..." Bucky got out his list to read it over. "Okay, so... we've lost time now. Maybe we can hit one more place tonight before word gets out we hit their other joints."

"Okay, one hit," Steve agreed. "Which one?"

"The others were all small potatoes," Bucky said. "But the hotel where that one boss lives? We could hit him."

Steve nodded. "I wanna hit him."

"I mean, it won't stop the gang forever," Bucky shrugged, "but it'll slow them down a lot."

"Good." Steve started the car. "Let's do it."

 

 

 

 


	18. Live and Let Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A heads up for some canon typical violence, please see chapter End Notes if you want more info!
> 
> ~

 

 

 

Following directions, Steve drove them to the block where the hotel was.

And a very nice hotel it was too: upmarket, but not too ostentatious or noticeable. Bucky had said that it let out its penthouse suite to one of the mob bosses, and he ran a lot of his operations from there.

They drove past the hotel to scope it out from the front, not seeing anything to warrant suspicion, then drove a couple blocks away to park.

"Look," Bucky said, as Steve killed the engine, "if you want to stay with the dogs, I can handle this one alone."

"What? No!" Steve told him. "If anything, I can go alone and you stay with the dogs."

Bucky sighed. "So I guess we're both going." He glanced in the back, where the two dogs were still hunkered down, munching their chews. "I hope they keep quiet until we get back."

"Will they be okay?" Steve asked.

"Sure, wind up the windows but leave a small gap for air," Bucky told him.

Steve did, and Bucky picked up his smoke guns as they exited the car.

"Be good, babies," Bucky told the dogs, blowing them kisses through the window. "We'll be back soon."

Then he popped a stick of gum in his mouth and led the way around the back of the hotel.

Steve followed his lead, grateful that it was dark so they had some cover. When they found the entrance for deliveries, Bucky took the gum from his mouth and quickly fixed it over the security camera.

He pressed the door's buzzer, nodding at Steve to get ready.

Steve aimed his arm with the atomiser, ready for when the door opened. They waited for a few seconds, and Bucky pressed the buzzer again.

Nothing.

"Change of plan," Bucky whispered, beckoning Steve away. "We'll take a different entrance."

"Do you think they're onto us?" Steve asked, following behind him.

Bucky shrugged. "They _might_ know about the hits tonight, but they might not. Depends how quickly your love dust wore off all those guys." He took them two buildings over, and in a dark alley pulled down the fire escape ladder. "Up we go!"

"Great," Steve said, watching as Bucky shouldered his smoke guns and started to climb up. "And how do we get over to the hotel? Jump?"

"Yep!" Bucky called down. "It'll be fun!"

"I had to ask," Steve muttered.

So they climbed up the fire escape, Bucky humming little songs all the way to the roof. When they got there, Bucky went quiet as he crouched by the ledge and peered at the next building.

Steve copied him, crouching down so they were mostly hidden. "See anything?"

"No," Bucky said, then giggled, "but we didn't bring binoculars. It's dark and they must have their lights off."

"So, what do we do?"

"See over on the hotel?" Bucky pointed to the building. "The penthouse suite has a balcony. I think that's our quickest entrance point to bossman."

"And what if there's guys pointing guns at the windows?" Steve asked.

"Then we'll have to be super quick," Bucky replied. He got up and adjusted the guns over his shoulders. "But first we have to get over there."

He took a run up at the ledge and vaulted the space, landing neatly on the other building. Steve blinked in surprise, then looked down into the dark alley below.

"Psst!" Bucky called to him. "C'mon!"

Steve sighed, and got to his feet so he could get a run up. He was pretty sure he'd be able to make the jump, it just wasn't something he'd ever attempted before.

"Okay," he said under his breath, getting ready. "Here goes nothing."

Steve ran hard, and jumped off the ledge. He cleared the gap between the buildings easily, surprising himself as he sailed through the air and then landing roughly on the other side.

"Impressive," Bucky said, smirking as Steve picked himself up and dusted down. The poison ivy leaves around his shoulders moved and bristled.

"Sorry," Steve told it. "That was a bit of a hard landing."

Bucky giggled, and they crossed the roof together. "Ready to do that again?"

"Sure."

This time they jumped together, and Steve didn't put as much force behind it so he landed a bit more gracefully this time.

Bucky nodded in approval, and now they were on top of the hotel.

They peered cautiously over the ledge, onto the balcony of the penthouse suite. It seemed quiet, but Steve wondered if the mob inside were waiting and armed.

"I have an idea," Bucky whispered. "I know what the windows are like, I can blow them out with the smoke gun and smoke whoever's in there."

"Not before they shoot back," Steve pointed out.

"You're gonna dangle me down," Bucky whispered, gesturing to the poison ivy around him. "Think it'll hold my weight?"

"Um..." Steve knew it probably could, he'd performed tests back in the lab, but he felt anxious about Bucky's plan. "Can we use rope instead?"

"Well, I left my bungee cord at home," Bucky replied. "C'mon, this'll work."

The poison ivy around Steve wiggled excitedly, and he figured they didn't have any other bright ideas.

"Alright," he agreed, and started unwrapping the vine from around him.

"Yay!" Bucky clapped his hands quietly, then unstrapped his smoke guns. He set one down on the roof and kept the other gun in hand.

"Raise your arms a bit," Steve instructed, as he held the vine out to Bucky. Bucky raised his arms, and Steve focused hard on the plant in his hands: he told it to attach to Bucky securely, and the ivy vine rustled then whipped out and circled Bucky's waist.

"Hey, it works!" Bucky grinned at him, lowering his arms. "So you just drop me down like a yo-yo, okay? I'll smoke 'em."

"You got it."

They moved to the edge of the roof, where Steve got in position and braced himself. Bucky checked the balcony down below, then pulled on his goggles as he nodded at Steve. "Bombs away," he said, before pulling the gas mask over his mouth.

"Bombs away," Steve whispered back, and Bucky jumped over the side.

Steve held onto the ivy vine, ready to take Bucky's weight. The vine pulled taut, and Steve heard glass shatter as the smoke gun went off. He also heard Bucky laughing.

Steve yanked on the vine, willing it to bring Bucky back up. The vine obeyed, lifting Bucky into the air and back onto the roof.

Bucky yelled a bit in surprise.

"You okay?" Steve asked, checking on him as he untangled the vine from Bucky.

"Yeah!" Bucky moved his gas mask aside so he could speak. "That vine's strong!"

"I'm just glad it worked." Steve wrapped the ivy around himself again. "Did you see anyone in there?"

"No, too dark," Bucky said, "but I heard people yelling."

"Are we going in?"

"We probably should," Bucky laughed. "For all we know we just smoked a couple of civilians on their wedding night."

Steve winced. "That would be awkward."

Bucky set his gas mask back in place, and picked up his other gun. They waited a few more seconds, then jumped down onto the balcony together. Steve kicked in what was left of the French windows, and looked around. "Huh," he said, surveying the two guys in business suits passed out on the floor. "Is this it? Two guys?"

Bucky quickly made his way through the room, pistols pointed as he checked the bathroom, then the other rooms. He cursed, muffled by the gas mask.

Steve heard something outside, and went back to the balcony. Down on the street, men in suits ran from the hotel as two black cars pulled up outside.

"Um, Buck?" Steve said. "I think they're down there."

Bucky hurried over, pushing his goggles up as he leaned over the balcony.

"Fuck," he hissed, then aimed his guns. Steve placed his hands over Bucky's, pushing his guns down.

"You can't possibly hit them from up here with regular guns. And you might hit a bystander."

Bucky growled in frustration, and looked Steve dead in the eye. "You gotta get down there and stop them."

"Me?"

"Yes, you!" Bucky told him, holstering his pistols and unstrapping his smoke gun. "Gimme the car keys and you get the fuck down there and stop them. I'll go down the stairwell, clear out any bad guys left over."

"But––"

"Hurry up, or he's gonna get away," Bucky told him.

Steve handed over the car keys, then Bucky dashed from the room. Steve watched him go, then looked down at the street again.

The cars were leaving.

"Aw, hell," Steve murmured, and unwrapped the ivy vine. "I, uh, I need to get back up on the roof," he said, and threw the vine out like a rope.

Amazingly the vine caught onto the edge of the roof and pulled Steve up. He started in surprise but it happened so fast; one moment he was propelled into the air, the next he'd landed on the roof.

"Whoa," he said, catching his breath. "Well, that was easy?"

He secured the vine around him again, and went to look down in the street. The cars were headed south, and Steve followed after them, running across the roof and vaulting over to the next building, and the next.

He caught up to the cars as they got stuck at an intersection. Steve figured he couldn't jump over rooftops forever, and in the spur of the moment he couldn't think of anything else except to leap off the roof.

It's only four or five floors, he thought wildly, as he soared through the air. The wind rushed around his face, and the ground came up fast. Steve braced himself as he landed on top of one of the cars, crushing it firmly.

"Oh," he gasped, straightening up and looking at the damage he'd just done to the car. "I... _shit_."

Whoever'd been inside would surely be toast, and as Steve looked at the second black car, a whole bunch of guys stuck their guns out the windows and started shooting at him.

"Fuck, fuck..." Steve scrambled down and ducked behind the mangled car.

People on the street screamed and dove for cover too.

Steve managed to dodge the bullets, and a moment too late realised he should've sent over a smoke grenade.

His brain was still playing catch up after everything that'd just happened.

The car spun its wheels noisily and sped away, still shooting. Steve peeped around his cover to watch, then heard another car skid to a stop close by.

He looked over and saw Bucky at the wheel, with the dogs yapping at the back windows.

"Get in!" Bucky yelled.

Steve hurried over and got in the passenger side. "We're bringing the dogs?" he asked, as Bucky peeled out and followed the black car.

"Well, we can't leave them!" Bucky drove through a red light, dodging traffic as he tried to catch up.

"Oh, God, we're gonna die!" Steve yelled, as the dogs barked excitedly.

"Would you keep your hair on!" Bucky yelled back, flooring it across the wrong side of the road. "Get one of my guns and shoot out their tyres!"

"How the fuck do I do that!"

They were gaining on the black car, with other traffic swerving out of the way and blaring their horns.

"Like this!" Bucky took one hand off the wheel and pointed a pistol out the open window. He took aim at the car in front of them and started shooting.

"Aren't they gonna shoot back?" Steve shouted, as the back window of the black car shattered.

"Probably! Get a grenade in there!"

Steve pulled the pin on a smoke grenade and leaned out the car window. As he was about to toss it, a car coming the other way nearly drove into them, so Bucky swerved to avoid it. Steve dropped the grenade.

"Uh, oh..."

The grenade went off on the street, leaving a mushroom cloud of smoke behind them.

"Steve, that is not what you were supposed to smoke," Bucky laughed. "Here, take the wheel."

"What!"

The car they were chasing now had men leaning out the broken back window, aiming guns at them. Bucky abandoned the wheel as he leaned out the window with his smoke gun, so Steve grabbed the wheel to keep them steady.

The poison ivy vine grabbed onto the wheel too, startling Steve.

"Uh, thanks?" he said.

Bucky shot off a smoke bomb at the car, nailing it through the open window. "Suck on that!" he shouted, as the black car filled with smoke. It started to swerve, circling in the road.

Bucky got back into the car and took the wheel. He followed the black car at a safe distance until it crashed into a lamp post.

"Neat." Bucky stopped their car and opened his door. "Steve, get in the driver's seat." He got out and slammed the door.

"Where are you...?" Steve watched Bucky stalk across to the crashed car and peer inside, meanwhile he buckled his seatbelt and got ready to start the car again.

Bucky came back, and got in on the passenger side calmly as he shut the door. "Okay, we good. It was Genovese and his goonies. They're either dead or very broken."

"Bad guys," Steve confirmed.

"Very bad," Bucky said. "But they won't be doing bad things for a while. Now we better get outta here."

One of the dogs barked in apparent agreement, and Bucky turned around in his seat to coo at them. "What good babies! Such good babies for mommy!"

"You got another chew toy for them?" Steve asked.

"Probably..." Bucky rooted around for doggie treats, as Steve drove them away from the scene as quickly as possible.

"Where shall I head?"

"Back downtown," Bucky advised, as he tossed some more chews into the back for the dogs. "We should lay low and swap out our ride after that spectacle."

"Yeah." Steve grinned, driving them down the streets. "I'm amazed we got away with it."

A police siren wailed behind them, and Steve shared a look with Bucky before Bucky turned around to look.

"Eh, it's only one cop car," he said.

"Uh, there's more up ahead," Steve warned, spotting the flashing blue lights.

"Hmm." Bucky looked out the front, assessing. "Two out front, one in the back. We can handle it." He pulled his goggles down. "Steve, open the sunroof."

"Sunroof...?" Steve looked around for the button, and pressed it. "You gonna smoke 'em?"

"Yeah, so keep driving and don't stop." Bucky put on his gas mask and picked up a smoke gun.

"Okay, here we go," Steve said, putting his foot down and driving them straight at the cops.

Bucky got up onto the seat and leaned out the sunroof with his gun. "Hello, boys!" he shouted, blowing off a few smoke bombs all around them. "Don't crowd us, we got places to be!"

Steve kept driving as the cops outside ducked for cover from the smoke. Bucky fired off more shots, aiming for the cars and dropping smoke bombs everywhere. The plumes of smoke billowed out and provided an effective smoke screen.

Traffic in the street was brought to a standstill, but Steve kept on driving, dodging cars, then took a sharp left turn down a side street.

"I know a short cut," he said, as Bucky grunted up above.

"Hey, watch it," he called down.

"Sorry!"

Steve drove them away from the cops, down another street and straight into a multi storey car park. "Time for a different ride?" he suggested, as Bucky plopped back down into his seat. "Then head home?"

Bucky grinned. "Boy, I like the way you think!"

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon Typical Violence details for chapter:
> 
> typical gunfire and action, then car chase and a (bad guy's)car crash. No details, nothing graphic.
> 
> ~
> 
> (Steve be like, "IVY VINE, TAKE THE WHEEL!") ^.^


	19. Sympathy For The Devil

 

 

 

They boosted a car and piled the dogs in the back.

Bucky drove, cranking the music system up loud as he floored it through the city streets. "Pleased to meet you!" Bucky sang along. "Hope you guessed my name! Whoo, whoo!"

The dogs barked in reply, and Steve winced at all the noise. "Maybe we could listen to a different song?" he tried.

"Whoo, whoo!" Bucky sang, taking a street corner too hard and skidding a bit.

"Bucky, slow down," Steve told him. "We're supposed to be on the down low, remember?"

"Alright, alright," Bucky said with a laugh. "Keep your ivy on, would ya?"

The ivy on Steve's shoulders bristled in response, so he reached up to pet it. "He didn't mean it," Steve said softly.

"Oh, yeah, I did," Bucky replied, but he did slow the car and start driving at a more reasonable speed.

He drove them the long way round the city to go pick up their van. It didn't seem as though they'd been followed, and after sitting parked at the curb for a few minutes, they decided to make the switch.

"Okay," Bucky said quietly, ushering Steve out first. "Go, go, go."

Steve took the keys and went to open the van. Bucky had the dogs on their leashes and they all jumped into the back when Steve opened the side door. Then he closed it up and got into the driver's side.

"All good?" he asked, putting on his seatbelt.

Bucky climbed into the front with him and slid into his seat. "Yeah, let's go."

Steve put the van in gear and drove. He'd take them the scenic route back home, just in case.

The dogs had settled down in the back with some doggy chews, and Bucky wriggled around in his seat as he took off his jacket. He huffed a bit as he sat down, and when Steve glanced over he noticed Bucky looked a bit pink in the cheeks.

When they paused at some traffic lights, Steve adjusted the air con on the dash, setting it to cooler air.

"That's better," Bucky murmured, leaning back in his seat.

"Well, if you will wear all that leather," Steve teased him, making Bucky giggle.

They drove in quiet for nearly a half hour, and Steve decided it was safe enough to take a more direct route home.

Bucky had pulled off his goggles and mask from around his neck, and tugged at the collar of his top. "Aren't you hot?" he asked, winding the window down.

"Uh, no?" Steve glanced over again, concerned. "Are you okay?"

Bucky looked pale, and definitely not himself. He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Bucky," Steve started, as Bucky leaned forward making a retching sound. "Bucky! Shit."

Steve started to pull over, but Bucky sat back up and said, with his hand over his mouth, "Get us back home, Steve."

"But you––"

" _Now!_ "

"Okay, okay." Steve shifted gears and drove faster.

Bucky was right: at home he'd have what he needed to fix whatever was making Bucky sick. Though Steve had a sinking feeling that _he_ was the cause of it.

Bucky made another retching sound, though nothing had come up yet, and each time Steve glanced over at him he looked worse: pale, sweaty, with his eyes closed.

"Bucky, hold on," Steve told him. "Just hold on, okay?"

The dogs started whining in the back, clearly aware something wasn't right.

Steve drove them home, skidding to a stop in their little driveway. It was dark, so Steve left the keys in and kept the van's headlights on. He unbuckled his seatbelt and unwrapped the ivy vine from around his shoulders, placing it onto the steering wheel. He made to get out of the van, but the ivy vine grasped onto his shoulder and jerked him back.

"Ivy," Steve muttered, and untangled himself again. "Please just wait here, okay? Just... sit!" he commanded, and thankfully the ivy wrapped itself around the steering wheel. "Okay, good!" Steve slammed the door shut and hurried around to the other side. He opened the door and tried to help Bucky out of his chair, but Bucky murmured something as he pushed Steve away.

"What?" Steve said. "I can't hear you, Bucky."

"The dogs," he murmured, head lolling back. "Put them somewhere safe."

"Bucky, I need to help you first."

"Don't leave the dogs with the ivy," Bucky said more firmly.

Steve hesitated, but when Bucky pushed at him again, he gave in. "Alright, okay. Jeez, Bucky." He opened up the side door and hoped the dogs wouldn't run off. Steve didn't want to touch them for fear of harming them, too.

"Uh, okay, doggies," he said, unsure.

Both dogs sat there looking at him, then looked over to Bucky when he made a noise like he was going to be sick.

"Okay, I have an idea," Steve said, and went back to Bucky. "I'm going to pick you up now, alright?" He reached in and got his arms behind Bucky's back and under his legs, lifting him out of the van. Bucky made another retching sound, clinging onto Steve's shoulder.

"Just hang on," Steve told him, and carefully started to carry him. "Doggies!" he said over his shoulder. "Come on! Come with us!"

The dogs' ears pricked, and they jumped out of the van, following at an eager trot.

"Good doggies," Steve praised them, relieved. "Good dogs."

He let them into their home, still carrying Bucky and turning on lights as he went. Steve would've headed straight for his lab, but Bucky tugged at his shoulder and murmured about the dogs again.

"Oh, um..." Steve looked around and wondered where the best place for them was. In every room Steve had touched something or left something of his that could potentially be toxic, especially to a nosy dog.

"Shit," he muttered, looking around. The rooms would need to be cleaned, and he didn't have time right now, he had to help Bucky.

Then he realised.

"The yard out back," he said, and made his way over to the door that led to a small, closed-off outdoor space. There was even some old kennels there. "Come on, doggies, follow me. Please."

It took some coaxing, but the dogs filed into the yard one by one, and Steve was able to close the door.

"I'll be back," he called, and quickly took Bucky to his lab. "Hold on, Buck. Everything's gonna be okay."

 

~

 

Bucky came to feeling groggy, and opened his eyes.

He was at home, which was a relief, laying in his sleeping bag bed with extra pillows propping him up.

He felt okay, though when he tried to move he found himself weak, and noticed there was an IV drip in his arm.

Bucky glanced up at the tube connected to him and saw a bag of fluid hung up on the wall. He wasn't sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him, but the fluid had a green tinge to it.

"Steve?" he croaked out, throat dry.

"Bucky!" Steve replied in a muffled voice. "You're awake!"

"Yeah, I..." Bucky trailed off as Steve moved into his view, crouching down on the floor next to him. He had on full scrubs, a face mask, and a plastic hat over his hair.

Bucky looked him up and down. "Were you planning on doing surgery and stealing my kidney while I was out?"

Steve's blue eyes crinkled up as he smiled under the mask. "I'm glad you're feeling better. You had me worried."

"What's with the Hazmat suit?" Bucky asked.

"I didn't want to risk you contracting more poison," Steve said, offering him a cup with a straw. "Drink this, slowly."

Bucky took the cup and stuck the straw in his mouth. He was parched, and the liquid was cool and refreshing.

"How do you feel?" Steve asked, watching him closely.

"Not too bad." Bucky shrugged a shoulder. "Bit tired, I guess."

Steve nodded. "If you're lucky, this will pass like a case of the 'flu and be over soon."

"Heh," Bucky replied. "Yeah, I feel so lucky right now."

"Bucky, this is serious," Steve said, eyebrows scrunching up in concern. "You were out for two whole days. I thought– I thought you..."

He stopped himself, and looked away. "Anyway, you're gonna get better."

Bucky watched Steve getting all upset, and reached out a hand to squeeze his arm. "Hey. Quit worrying, would ya? I'm fine."

Steve sighed, but when he looked back at Bucky he seemed to be smiling again. Bucky could only see his eyes, but he could tell.

"You better," Steve said. "Otherwise how am I gonna look after two enormous dogs on my own?"

"Oh, my babies!" Bucky tried to sit up, looking around for the dogs. "Where are they?"

"Just sit there," Steve instructed. "They've had baths, and if you promise to take it easy, I'll let them in to see you."

"Yay," Bucky sighed happily, leaning back down again. "Bring me my pups!"

Steve got up and left. Barely a moment later, the dogs rushed up to Bucky's bed, tails wagging and noses sniffing.

Bucky giggled as their wet noses tickled him, and both dogs huffed excitedly and pressed their snouts into his face and his hands when he held them out.

"Aw, pups! Hello, babies," he cooed, tickling them both.

They were so well behaved, and so clean and floofy. Bucky noticed they both had pretty red bows on their collars too, and he laughed.

"You made them pretty for me," he said, as Steve came back into the room and sat on a chair nearby.

"Yeah, I got them all ready to see you," he said. "I gave them baths in an anti-toxin solution. It's perfectly safe for them, and I figured it was a good idea."

"You gave them a sheep dip?" Bucky giggled. "How did they like that?"

"Eh." Steve shrugged a shoulder. "It wasn't too bad. So, what're you gonna call them? Because I was calling them Wolfy and Bernard."

Bucky laughed, still petting the dogs as they settled down on either side of his bed. "You can't call my baby _Bernard_ ," Bucky said. "How about Beethoven?"

Steve looked bemused. "Why Beethoven?"

"Haven't you seen that movie? About a big dog and he's called Beethoven."

"Oh, wait, yeah." Steve nodded. "I do remember that one. Okay, sure. And the other one?"

"Hm..." Bucky scritched the head of the more wolfy-looking dog, noticing a little curly tuft of hair on his head. "Elvis," Bucky said.

"Elvis," Steve repeated. "You really want to be out there in parks yelling for a Beethoven and an Elvis?"

Bucky giggled at the thought of it. "Yeah. It's cute."

"Well, they're your dogs," Steve said. "I'm gonna try keep my distance."

"Aw, Steve, don't be like that," Bucky said. "Why don't we make them immune too?"

Steve was quiet a moment, then exhaled quietly. "Let me get you immune first, Bucky. You're not out of the woods yet."

That was kind of disappointing to hear.

"Oh," Bucky said sadly. "Okay."

"Look, get some rest," Steve told him, and stood up. "I gotta go out because, um... the ivy is still in the van, and..."

Bucky looked up at him. "And?"

"Well, it's sort of..." Steve fidgeted, looking all shifty.

"Sort of what?" Bucky pressed.

"Sort of... gone on a joy ride?" Steve winced. "It's okay, I know where it is. I just gotta... you know, go and get it, and drive the van back here."

Bucky blinked at him, sure he'd misheard. "Wait, what? The ivy vine drove off in our van?"

Steve shrugged. "I guess?"

"You _guess?_ "

"Well, I didn't see it happen," Steve explained. "I was in here looking after you. But I can... feel it? I think?"

"You feel the ivy?"

"Yeah." Steve sounded unsure. "That's weird, right?"

Bucky frowned, and decided he was too tired to deal with this right now. "Okay, I'm gonna take a nap. You go deal with your wayward child."

"It's not a child, it's a plant," Steve said, petulant.

"If you birthed it in your lab," Bucky pointed out, "and it's misbehaving, I'd say it's your offspring and you should go show it who's boss." Bucky stroked the two big soft heads of his dogs. " _My_ children are so well behaved. Yes, they are. Yes, you are, aren't you? My big doggy-dogs."

Steve huffed. "Well, you and your dog children stay here. I'll be back soon."

"Have fun," Bucky replied, as Steve left.

Bucky closed his eyes, warm and content in his puppy pile.

Then he thought of Steve's ivy vine actually driving their van, and snorted softly to himself.

"What the actual fuck," he murmured.

 

 

 

 


	20. Jungle Boogie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up for mentions of pharma companies, the system, and obtaining prescription medicine via insurance. 
> 
> ~

 

 

 

Steve removed his scrubs and strapped on his wrist gauntlets: poison darts on the left, vaporiser and love-dust on the right.

Then he changed into sweatpants and a hooded top. They were new: everything Steve had already worn either had to be safely disposed of, or locked away so no one else could be contaminated.

Steve carefully covered the gauntlets on his wrists, and pulled his hood up.

He had an ivy vine to track down.

Annoyingly, he had to walk a few blocks until he was a safe distance from their hideout. Bucky was vulnerable while he recovered, and Steve didn't want to take any chances. He thought about boosting a car, but he was wary of leaving behind witnesses too close to home.

Then Steve had an idea.

As soon as he spotted a small delivery van parked on a street, and the driver about to get in, he hurried over there.

"Hey," Steve said, getting the guy's attention as he blew a waft of love-dust at him. "I need you to drive me into the city."

The delivery guy blinked a few times before getting a dopey smile on his face. "Sure! Whatever you want."

"Great!" Steve went around the passenger side and got in.

He instructed the obedient delivery guy on where to go, headed in the direction Steve felt was right. He wasn't only worried about the ivy vine, but their van full of weapons too.

They ended up driving toward Central Park, which made sense.

Steve got out of the vehicle and told the delivery guy to go back to his route. It was late into the afternoon now, and Steve was warm in his sweats but he didn't want to risk being recognised.

Steve slowly started to walk the perimeter of the park, with the trees nearby offering some shade on the side-walk.

That ivy had to be around here somewhere, Steve felt. And the van too.

He walked a little further, and spotted the van parked across two spaces.

"Thank God," he muttered, and jogged up to it.

There was a wheel clamp in place, although it wouldn't pose much of a problem for Steve's strength.

At least the van hadn't been broken into.

Steve went up to the window and peered inside. The keys were still in the ignition. Green mold covered the front seats and windows, with a few small vines wrapped around most of the dashboard.

Strange, though, as Steve couldn't sense that the ivy vine itself was inside.

He walked around to the other side, and noticed that the driver's window was wound down a bit. Just enough for a vine to slip out.

"Shit," Steve muttered, and glanced over at Central Park.

It had to be in there, somewhere.

Then he smiled to himself. "Somewhere that's green," he murmured, remembering the song Bucky had sung.

Steve exhaled lightly and set his hands on his hips.

Okay, so... if the ivy was in the park anyway, it'd probably take some time to find it. Meanwhile, it'd be practical if Steve dealt with the van full of dangerous weapons and potentially poisonous vines first, before it got towed away or broken into.

Steve looked about the street, still full of people walking and tourists taking photos. Lots of witnesses.

What would Bucky do? Steve wondered.

He'd just have to be casual about it. So he strolled around to the wheel that was clamped, and lifted up arms up to do a stretch and fake yawn.

Then he bent down to pretend to tie his shoe. While he was crouched down, Steve reached out and took a hold of the wheel clamp. He grit his teeth and pulled, spliting the plastic and metal components, and removing it from the wheel.

Cradling the broken parts to his chest, Steve oh-so casually walked around to the driver's side. He put his hand up to the window and willed the little ivy vines inside to respond to him.

Their leaves rustled, and the vines curled around, reaching for the door lock and handle.

As soon as the door opened, Steve tossed the plastic bits into the footwell and got in the van.

"Phew," he said, closing the door. "Okay, now..." He trailed off as he glanced in the back, doing a double take when he saw all the vines dangling from the van's ceiling. "Ah... okay. You all must've grown on your own? Interesting."

The vines moved at the sound of his voice, rustling a little.

Also interesting.

But Steve still had to go retrieve the main vine, and first he had to stow the van somewhere safe.

He started the engine, relieved when it purred to life. "Okay, here we go," he said to himself. Steve found a quiet side street with spaces, and parked the van there. He locked it all up and took the keys with him, praying that it'd be safe there.

He had to walk back to the park now, and passed a couple stores on the street.

A young woman in a beanie hat came out of a pharmacy crying. Steve paused, looking over to make sure she was alright.

"They won't give me my insulin," she sobbed to someone on her cell phone. "My insurance was declined. I don't know what I'm going to do."

Steve knew he should go deal with the ivy, but he couldn't leave someone crying. He walked over to her.

"Excuse me," he said gently. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help overhearing..."

She looked up at him in alarm, but Steve held his hands out to show he wasn't intending to hurt her.

"I'm going to get your insulin for you," he said. "Would you like to step back inside the store and give them your name? I'll take care of the bill."

The woman's eyes were overflowing with tears. "Are you for real?"

Steve nodded, and gestured for her to go first. "Let's go get your medicine."

Inside the store, a couple more people were queuing for their prescriptions, including a tiny old man at the front of the queue. By the sounds of it, he wasn't getting his medicine either and was very upset.

The store's security guard was making his way over, so Steve decided to step in.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said, raising his hand to blow love-dust at the security guy. "Now, go guard the door for me."

"Okay," the security guard said dreamily.

Steve made his way up to the counter, slipping in behind it with the harried looking pharmacist there.

"Hey." Steve dusted them next. "Would you be good enough to give everyone here their medicine. Approve all of their insurance."

"You got it!" they replied, as the queue of people gaped in surprise.

"Here you go, sir!" The pharmacist handed over a bag of medicine to the little old man. He was so surprised he could barely speak.

Next, the young woman Steve had met outside. She cried again when she finally got her insulin. "Thank you," she sobbed. "Thank you so much."

Steve made sure everyone in the queue got their medicines, then he took the pharmacist in the back room and asked them to show him the prescriptions list.

Steve had robbed quite a few pharmacies lately for himself, but always with Bucky and not on his own.

The first thing he did was instruct the pharmacist to approve all prescriptions on insurance, and cover the charges. He didn't want the pharmacist to get in trouble for it, but Steve didn't know how to hack computer systems.

This was why he needed Bucky.

He didn't know how to disable the security feed when he found it in a storeroom either. But with instruction to the loved-up security guard, Steve had him erase the footage.

Before he left, because it was getting close to dusk now, Steve took a few papers with him from the back office. Orders and deliveries from pharmaceutical companies who jacked up the price of medicine.

Three of the very big pharma companies, Steve knew already and despised them for charging so much for life saving medicine. The injustice of the whole system had been what inspired Steve to get into chemistry and botany in the first place. He'd wanted to offer a more healthy and accessible alternative to big pharma medicines.

Things hadn't gone according to plan, of course. But Steve was still here, and he was still pissed at big pharma.

It was time he did something about them.

 

 

 

 


	21. Park Life

 

 

 

"What've you got for me, Lieutenant?" Sharon asked, entering the CSI lab.

"A familiar face," Lieutenant Coulson replied, handing over a manilla folder. "We thought the FBI would be interested."

Sharon opened the folder and flicked through the first set of photos: a nighttime street scene downtown from traffic cameras, cop cars and smoke everywhere. Zoomed-in and grainy shots of someone in goggles and a gas mask, hair in pigtails, shooting smoke bombs out the sunroof of a moving vehicle.

Sharon sighed lightly. "Yep, that's Barnes. I'd recognise those pigtails anywhere."

"And the smoke bombs?" Coulson asked, gesturing to the lab table with evidence bags. "These haven't been his M.O. before?"

"Not this kind of smoke bomb," Sharon admitted, looking at the evidence. "When he was with Rumlow's gang they used the typical kind of tac gear that SWAT teams use, off the black market, of course. But you said the reports are it's not tear gas?"

"It's not tear gas," Coulson said. "Hard to get a trace on it, but it wasn't harmful to the officers on scene, not that we know of. Seventy-two hours since the incident, and they're showing no symptoms of even being gassed at all."

"Interesting. Barnes isn't a chemical expert, or so we thought." Sharon held up an evidence bag with the remains of one smoke grenade. "If Barnes has partnered up with someone new, my guess is it's one of the guys he broke out of Zola's facility with."

"I regret to say that the NYPD doesn't have much information on that," Coulson said, carefully neutral.

Shaon gave him a wry smile. "Oh, you noticed that Zola keeps his secure hospital very secure? Yeah, we noticed that too."

Coulson smiled back, just a little.

"In the mean time," Sharon continued, "looks like at least one of those escapees is with Barnes."

"We thought these incidents all over town was a gang hit," Coulson told her. "With Genovese and his inner circle being targeted at their hotel, and a number of his establishments all in the same night. They knew exactly where to hit them. But it seems more like these new players are more interested in playing Robin Hood."

"Oh?"

"Street traffic cameras caught a car stopping outside a homeless shelter on the same night, and someone matching Barnes' description goes inside with a bag, comes out without it."

"You think he dropped off the cash to a homeless shelter?" Sharon said flatly.

Coulson smiled, amused. "The evidence is long gone, but this is one of the possibilities we're speculating, yes."

"I see." Sharon flicked through the images again, finding the grainy traffic camera shots of a figure with pigtails dragging a heavy black bag into a very run down homeless shelter. "If that's true," she said, "and he's not with Rumlow anymore, then he's turned over a new leaf. At least, partially."

"You profiled him. What do you think he'll do next?" Coulson asked.

Sharon exhaled, and put the photos back into the folder. "Honestly, it's anyone's guess. Barnes isn't so bad, like, compared to some other criminals, but he's a loose canon, and he's a follower. So whoever he's hooked up with now, they're the ones who'll be calling the shots. Barnes just goes along with what they want."

Coulson nodded. "So we should look into his escape partner?"

"Leave it with me," Sharon said. "I'll try do some digging without Zola being any the wiser. I've been waiting for an excuse to get a warrant on that place, and this may just be my ticket in."

"If I can help, let me know."

"Thanks, Lieutenant." Sharon smiled at him, and turned to leave. "Keep me posted if you spot Barnes anywhere!" she called back. "I'd like to talk to him."

"Will do, Agent Carter."

 

 

~

 

 

"Anything?" Bucky asked, holding onto the doggy leashes as Beethoven and Elvis sniffed at the edge of the path with interest.

They were in Central Park, because Steve had failed to find the ivy vine last night and didn't want to leave the van full of weapons and ivy in the city any longer, so he'd gone back home to regroup. They'd come to the park today, with Bucky out of bed and wanting to walk his dogs.

He was still a little weak, so Steve was keeping a close eye on him. They were dressed in their civilian clothes: Steve in his sweats, Bucky in a crop top, shorts, and roller-skates.

Not exactly in disguise, but at least he had a ball cap and sunglasses on.

Steve sighed, looking around the park and all the places an ivy vine could go hide. The park was so enormous, it'd take all day to walk around it.

"I don't know," he said, starting to feel annoyed.

The dogs had found something exciting to sniff, and starting pulling on their leashes. Bucky was pulled along slowly on his skates, looking at Steve over his shoulder.

"Maybe they found a scent?" he said.

Steve walked alongside Bucky. "How would they scent a _vine?_ " he wondered aloud, then considered. "Hm, I wonder if they could."

"They've been at home in our scents for, what, a couple days?" Bucky said, watching his dogs. "What if I let them off the leash and see what we find?"

"Well," Steve started, "the park signs said dogs must be on a leash after nine AM, and..." He trailed off as Bucky bent down to unleash the dogs, and they took off at a run.

He sighed, but Bucky only laughed.

"C'mon!" he said, pushing off with his skates and zipping along after the dogs. Steve had to jog to catch up.

"This is ridiculous," Steve muttered, running along the path as Bucky skated easily and sang to himself.

The dogs had clearly caught someone's scent, and Steve hoped it wasn't a wild goose chase. They were lucky they didn't run into the park security, only a couple of other dog walkers who seemed annoyed about dogs running free.

"Here, doggies!" Bucky called half-heartedly, skating along and waving the leashes. Only once they were out of sight again Bucky cooed, "Good doggies! Go find the ivy!"

The dogs led them into one of the overgrown rockery areas, where the paths were a little bumpy and not as well used by everyday park goers.

Bucky complained that he couldn't skate easily here, and clumped along step by step. Steve reached out and offered his hand, wearing gloves today despite the heat.

Bucky flashed him a happy smile, and took Steve's hand.

They walked along the path together, approaching the rockery. Both the dogs had stopped in front of a large group of rocks and turned their heads to Bucky.

"Looks like they found something," Bucky said. "Such good doggies! Aren't you good boys!"

"Should I go look?" Steve asked, looking left and right. The coast was clear.

"Yeah, but if you find that ivy vine curled up like a rattlesnake and hissing," Bucky said, "be careful."

Steve snorted lightly. "It's not a snake, it's a plant."

"Mm." Bucky made a face, and retracted his hand. "Help me leash up the pups, and you go take a look."

"Okay."

They got the dogs back on their leashes, and Steve left them with Bucky on the path as he approached the rockery. He looked back over his shoulder, seeing all three of them watching him.

"Go on, Steve," Bucky said, making a shooing motion with his hand. "We haven't got all day."

Steve chuckled, pleased that Bucky was feeling better again, and moved closer to the rocks.

Now that he was alone and concentrating, he sensed the ivy was close by.

How about that, he thought, carefully stepping over boulders and walking around the rockery. That ivy had to be here somewhere.

The man-made rock formation was kind of old and neglected, probably meant to be a shelter for wildlife. One large slab of rock sat over two square shaped rocks, forming a small tunnel of sorts. Children could've run in and out of there, Steve thought, as he peered into the gloom... but definitely not with all that ivy hanging down from the ceiling.

Bingo.

"Found it!" Steve called over his shoulder, hearing Bucky whoop in reply. Steve edged in closer. "Hey," he said softly, nearing the mouth of the sort-of cave. "This is where you went, huh?"

The ivy, draped everywhere, bristled and recoiled a little.

"It's okay," Steve said gently, slipping under the rock and crouching down. "I'm just gonna sit here, and maybe you'll come and say hi."

He felt a little ridiculous, but that was starting to become a habit these days. He also had a whole van-load of mini ivy vines back home that he'd have to deal with, but he wanted to get the big ivy vine home first.

"So," Steve looked about, like he was visiting a friend's place, "how's the park treating you? You like it?"

The ivy vine rustled its leaves, and Steve felt a wave of contentment from the vine.

"Yeah," he sighed wistfully. "I like the park, too. But it's not safe here, if someone else found you they might spray you with weedkiller or hack you down."

The ivy bristled, defensive.

Steve rubbed a hand over his chin, thinking. "Maybe... maybe there's a way I can make a more hospitable environment at home for you. Like a greenhouse, or something. Your own little park."

The ivy rustled and dropped down from the ceiling, curling around Steve's shoulders.

It felt bigger and heavier than before, which was a surprise.

"Like the greenhouse idea, huh? Okay." Steve inspected the ivy vine, made sure it looked healthy. "Well, you seem okay. Would you come back home with me, so I can get to work making a nice green space for us all?"

The leaves rustled, and Steve took that for a yes.

"Okay, great. Um..." He had a reusable shopping bag in his pocket, and he unfolded it now. "If you're a good vine and ride in here for me, I'll get us home quick and make you a nice space. Deal?"

The ivy didn't seem pleased, but Steve silently urged it in, and the ivy obeyed.

"There we go," he said, tucking the ivy inside the now bulging bag, and getting to his feet.

He left the rockery and went to go find Bucky, who was tossing treats into the air for the dogs to catch. He looked up when Steve approached.

"All good?"

"Yeah." Steve indicated his bag. "Let's get home, quick. I got lots of things we need to plan."

"Ooh, exciting!" Bucky declared.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the break in updates (blame egg game!) and I swear I will finally get to the big heist scenes I've been planning all along! :D Thanks for reading!!


	22. Stayin' Alive

 

 

 

"Okayyy," Bucky said thoughtfully, after Steve had told him all about the pharma companies.

They were still in the park, back on the smooth path now so Beethoven and Elvis could pull Bucky along on his skates as they walked. Steve had to walk briskly to keep up.

"So, you wanna stick it to these companies," Bucky mused, "because they jack up the price of medicine for people who can't afford it."

"Exactly," Steve replied, anger simmering at the thought. The ivy vine sent out a tendril from the bag at his side, and Steve gently coaxed it back in.

"I mean... hmm..." Bucky went quiet, chewing on his gum and blew a pink bubble. The bubble popped and Bucky said, "There's only two of us."

"Yeah," Steve sighed. "I'm not sure what to do. I thought about storming their board rooms, or something."

Bucky laughed lightly. "Then what? Even if you clear out a boardroom of suits there's gonna be more suits waiting to take their place, plus all the shareholders. I mean, why bother with them when we can fuck them up in other ways?"

"Like how?"

"I have some ideas." Bucky gave Steve a wicked grin. "But what we need first is Intel, and the best way of getting that would be discreetly."

Steve nodded. "We can do that. Can't we?"

"I'm pretty sure we can. We'd need to plan it, though."

"Okay." Steve was eager, but he could be patient. He wanted to make sure Bucky felt well enough for it, too. No point rushing into anything.

"So aside from fucking with these pharma companies," Bucky said, "is there anything else on your mind?"

"Well..." Steve glanced down at his bag. "I need somewhere for my plants to grow. I don't think our place is big enough, unless they're outside the building and that's not safe. A greenhouse would be better."

"Ooh," Bucky cooed. "That would be awesome. We should definitely do that! So, we got a lot to do."

"And making you immune to me," Steve added.

Bucky laughed. "I'll need a vacation after all this work, Steve."

"I'd be down for that," Steve replied.

Bucky looked at him and smiled. "It's a date."

 

 

They spent the next day at home, with Steve pulling together a makeshift plant home out of their old van. He took the wheels off so this time the van couldn't go anywhere without him.

Or, so he hoped.

He'd taken the weapons out and stashed them indoors, leaving the van partially open and tucked around the back of their building.

Hopefully it would do for now.

Bucky spent the day in his bed, hooked up to the IV again to replenish his system, and hopefully make him more immune to Steve's toxicity.

Bucky had a battered laptop and a notepad on his lap, making plans. Steve brought him food after drawing some blood for tests. Beethoven and Elvis had been playing out in the yard, then came in and sat on Bucky's sleeping bag to snooze.

Steve went into his lab to look at Bucky's blood samples. He took a pippet and put a drop of blood onto a slide, then put it under his microscope.

"Come on," he muttered under his breath, leaning in to look. "Please."

He focused the microscope, looking at the sample. There was a good balance of white to red blood cells, though the white blood cells looked more green than before.

Steve checked two more samples, then drew a small sample from his own arm. He had to make sure.

Steve's blood was a mix of varying green and red shades under a microscope, and he made notes of the green shade Bucky's white blood cells had turned.

He hoped that meant they were on the right path to immunising Bucky.

Steve cleared up his workstation and changed his clothes. He shut the lab, so the dogs couldn't get in, and made some tea. He brought the cups into the bedroom, where Bucky was cuddled up with the dogs.

"Hey," he said, looking up at Steve with a smile. "You remember Ghostbusters?"

"Uh." Steve handed him a cup. "Vaguely?"

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Steve, I swear..."

"What?" He sat on an empty seat, and sipped his tea. Beethoven was fast asleep on Bucky's legs, snoring lightly. Elvis was on Bucky's other side, and raised his head to watch Steve.

Steve felt a little jealous of them, honestly. It wasn't like he could go and cuddle his ivy vines.

"In the sequel," Bucky said. "Remember that slime?"

Steve shook his head.

"Of course you don't. So, the slime," Bucky explained, "it became angry and bubbly when they shouted at it, right? But when they played pop music, it was happy."

Steve took another sip of tea. "Right. And?"

"Your plants?" Bucky waved a hand like it was obvious. "Remember when I sang to the Bonsai tree and it liked that? Wiggled its leaves and stuff?"

"Oh, yeah," Steve said, smiling at the thought. "So, what? You want to sing to my plants?"

"Not me."

"Well, I'm not singing," Steve told him.

"Use music," Bucky said. "I think we should get you, like, a music player and speakers. So you can walk around with it."

Steve raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"To help control the plants."

This was not the sort of experiment Steve had ever expected to perform, but he supposed he could add it to the list. He'd have some downtime while they planned their next move anyway.

"Alright, sure," he agreed. "How's your research going?"

"They're secretive, these companies," Bucky said, tapping his notepad, "but I got some leads. There's a sweet opportunity to get the execs from all three companies at one event in two week's time."

"What's the event?"

Bucky threw his hands in the air. "A charity gala! Glitz, glamour, and if we crash it, a little excitement too!"

Steve grinned. "Sounds perfect. What did you have in mind?"

"It says online that the gala's entertainment is a special circus performance. Some Cirque du Soleil ripoff. Anyway, I think that's a perfect cover to get in with our costumes, get close to targets and gather Intel."

Steve nodded slowly, picturing it in his head. "That sounds good. I mean, we could also just go in black tie as a disguise, right? Wouldn't that be easier?"

Bucky gave him a flat look in response. "What have I said about having flair, Steve?"

"Alright." Steve shrugged. "We'll do it your way."

"Yay!" Bucky wriggled in his sleeping bag, disturbing both the dogs. "Aw, sorry, pups. Mommy got excited."

Steve smiled fondly. 

"You know," Bucky went on, "the sort of hacking this type of Intel gather will require, it's not impossible for me but if I'm out on the floor as your backup, I can't be hacking at the same time."

"You think we need more people?"

"We definitely need more people for this job," Bucky said, looking at Steve. "Kurt is the best hacker I know. Scott is a heist expert. And Luis and Dave are solid backup. If I can get in touch with them, I think we could really use their help."

"Uh, won't they want to be paid?" Steve asked.

"Yeah." Bucky laughed. "And we're low on funds."

Steve hummed, thinking back to the other day at the pharmacy and how easy it'd been for him to infiltrate it. "What if... we rob a bank? To add to our funds?"

"We'd need more people for a job like that," Bucky told him.

"I think I just need me," Steve said. "If I can get to whoever's in charge, I can dust them and they'll do anything I ask."

"Hm." Bucky raised his eyebrows and made a considering face. "That's a good point. If we pick a smaller bank, or a quiet period, that could be pretty easy to set up. All you'd need is a distraction to slip in, and I could be a distraction."

"And then it's just getting all the cash out of there," Steve added.

" _Steve_." Bucky laughed. "It's a bank. They could just wire you the money wherever you told them to put it. If I set up a dummy account in advance, you get them to transfer money into that account, and I'll transfer it as soon as we got it. Boom."

"Oh. Yeah, that could work."

"Okay, cool." Bucky wrote onto his notepad, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth. "Case some banks. Man, our to-do list is getting longer and longer."

"But once we've done all this, we can take our vacation," Steve said.

"I'll _need_ a vacation," Bucky replied. The dogs huffed in apparent agreement.

 

 

After more planning, and take-out for dinner, Bucky was worn out and settled down to sleep early.

The dogs seemed happy, and slept on either side of him. After removing the IV for him, Steve made sure Bucky had a drink and snacks within reaching distance, and went over to his side of the room.

His sleeping bag was now kept inside a box to keep the dogs from sniffing it, and Steve unrolled it so he could lay down. He had the notepad, and looked over the plans Bucky had written down.

It could work, Steve was pretty sure.

He read for a while, made some extra notes, then after a yawn he put the notes aside and turned off the small lamp.

Steve stared up at the cracked ceiling as his eyes adjusted to the dark, turning things over in his mind as he drifted off to sleep.

It felt like he'd barely shut his eyes before he was woken by the sound of the dogs growling quietly.

Steve sat bolt upright and listened, but he couldn't hear or see anything out of place. Bucky was curled up asleep, probably sleeping more deeply because his body was still fighting off toxins.

The dogs were both alert, ears pricked and both staring at the one window and the door.

Someone was out there, Steve knew it.

He got up silently and took a deep breath. Centering himself, Steve closed his eyes and willed the ivy vines in the van outside to help him: _open and close the doors for me_ , he told the ivy. _Create a distraction._

He knew the ivy heard him, and when Steve heard the van doors bang shut outside, he got up and hurried to the bedroom door.

The dogs started growling again, and Bucky stirred. "Wha... Steve, what's––?"

"Wait here," Steve ordered, and shut the bedroom door after him. There was no one in the reception area, or so he thought as he rushed to the main door.

Someone leapt at him from the dark, climbing onto his back and trying to get him in a chokehold.

They were small, likely a woman, and Steve had practised this move with Bucky so he kept on running for the door, opened it and tossed the person off his back onto the gravel outside.

The van banged its doors in the dark, and Steve held out his hand to command the ivy to get ready. "You shouldn't have come here," he said, watching the black-clad figure on the ground pick herself up again.

Another figure stepped out of the shadows to join her, facing off against Steve. It was almost too dark to see, then the new figure got out a flashlight and lit the underside of his face.

"Hey," he said, appearing calm. "We're looking for Bucky."

Steve felt fear and anger rise inside him at the thought of Bucky in danger, and the ivy responded to it, ready to attack at his word.

"You should walk away now," Steve warned them.

"Hey, man, I just wanna see him," the guy said.

Something about his demeanour seemed genuinely friendly, not hostile, and Steve hesitated.

Then the door to their home burst open and Bucky stood there holding his rocket launcher, both dogs barking beside him.

"Alright!" he shouted, aiming Elton the rocket launcher. "Who wants to meet my little friend!"

"Hey, Buck," the guy called, waving a hand. "Don't shoot me, okay?"

"Clint?" Bucky lowered his rocket. "What're you doing here?"

Steve stood down, looking between Bucky and the new arrivals. "You know him?"

"Yeah, we were locked up together," Bucky said. "What's up? Oh, hey, so I found out you weren't lying about using a bow and arrow. Hah!"

Clint laughed. "Why would I lie?"

"I dunno." Bucky set down his rocket and crouched to subdue his dogs. "Seemed pretty unbelievable. Anyway, I stand corrected."

Steve sighed, still wary of the pair who looked like they'd come dressed in full tac gear and ready for a fight. "Why are you guys here, creeping around inside our home?"

"My bad," the woman said, not sounding in the least bit sorry. "Clint wanted to check on his friend."

"And you are?" Steve asked.

"This is Nat," Clint introduced. "She's my better half."

"Oh, my God!" Bucky squealed, getting to his feet. "This is your girlfriend! Ahh!" He clapped his hands together. "Did you bust him out of jail? Was it awesome and super cute?"

Steve raised an eyebrow, but Clint and Nat seemed to find it amusing. "Maybe we should continue this discussion inside," Steve suggested. "That is, if you're not planning to kill or otherwise inconvenience us."

"No, dude," Clint said. "Nothing like that. I wasn't sure if Bucky was okay or not. Yeah, let's go inside. I got news."

"C'mon in," Bucky said, getting the dogs by their collars and taking them inside.

Steve let Clint and Nat go in first, and once they were inside and the light was turned on, Steve went in last to guard the door. He willed the ivy to creep out of the van and over to the house, waiting as backup if he needed it.

Beethoven and Elvis seemed nervous at the disruption, but when Clint crouched down to give them pets they stopped barking and started wagging their tails instead.

Nat kept more of a distance, standing back and observing the room just like Steve was. Clint and Bucky seemed unconcerned about any tension. Bucky gave him a hug, and Clint grinned at him fondly.

"I'm so happy you escaped!" Bucky said. "Rocket told us you'd gotten out."

"Told you I would," Clint replied. "Would've busted you out too, but you beat me to it."

Bucky clasped his hands together and bounced on the spot. "It was so cool! I wish you'd seen us. We hightailed it outta there without any fuck ups!"

Steve tilted his head in a considering motion. Nat seemed to catch his expression, and she smiled wryly.

"Oh, my God!" Bucky exclaimed, peering around Clint to poke at the quiver full of arrows on his back. "Ahh! What the hell, Clint, why use arrows?"

"My arrows are awesome," Clint replied. "Anyway, my news. You should know about this, it's why I came to find you and wasn't sure if you were on your own, or held hostage, or what."

"What's the news?" Bucky asked.

"Rumlow put a hit out on you," Clint told him. "I know some snitches who tell me what the gangs are up to, so I checked online to see if it's legit. He's offering a price for you dead or alive."

"Ooh, exciting," Bucky cooed. "How much?"

"Bucky," Steve chastised. "This is serious."

"Yes, it is," Bucky said. "How much?"

"Twenty thou," Clint said.

Bucky scoffed. "Is that all? Rude."

"Do you know anything else?" Steve directed to Clint. "Has anyone taken the hit?"

"Yeah, a couple low level scumbags," Clint said with a shrug. "If they had the element of surprise, you could be in for some trouble. This is why we came to warn you."

"Aw, thanks, buddy!" Bucky glomped onto Clint for another hug. "You're the best!"

Steve pressed his lips together in a thin line, and shared a look with Nat across the room. She made an expression that seemed to say, what can you do?

Steve exhaled, thinking through their options. "We should move. As soon as possible."

"Agreed," Nat said.

"You can come crash with us," Clint offered, but Steve shook his head.

"That's not possible. I'm toxic."

Both Clint and Nat looked at him quizzically, and Bucky burst out laughing. "He means actually poisonous," Bucky clarified. "Aside from that issue, Steve is a good room mate."

"Oh..." Clint nodded, like he was remembering something. "You're the poison guy."

"His codename," Bucky stage whispered, "is Poison Ivy."

"No, it's not," Steve said flatly.

Nat grinned. "I'm Black Widow. He's Hawkeye. Embrace the codename, Steve."

"No," Steve said, which made Bucky laugh.

"We're working on it," he said. "Okay, so, I guess we're moving house. We better pack our shit up."

"We'll help you," Clint offered. "Do you even know where you're going?"

"I have a few ideas," Bucky said, frowning. "On second thought... Steve, we need to add killing Rumlow to our to-do list. I've had enough of that guy."

"Okay," Steve said. "Wait, you mean tonight?"

"No time like the present!"

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look out, Crossbones, lol


	23. Back in Black

 

 

 

 

"This calls for a special outfit!" Bucky announced, and began rooting through the bags of stolen clothes.

Steve followed him into their bedroom and closed the door, with Clint and Nat still in the other room with the dogs.

"Bucky, I think we should plan this more," Steve said quietly.

"Mm, not this, and not this," Bucky muttered, tossing outfits over his shoulder. "Ooh, this one!" He picked out the tiny red and black harlequin's dress with a tutu attached. "Where's my make-up bag?"

Steve frowned, concerned. "Bucky, this is serious."

"I know, you keep saying," Bucky chuckled, dress tucked under his arm as he searched for his make-up among the mess of clothes. "Gotta loosen up, Steve."

Steve sighed lightly. "So. What's your plan?"

"I'll go in as a hostage to throw them off," Bucky explained. He found his make-up bag and headed into the bathroom. Steve followed him and hovered by the door.

"Shall I dress in black like Clint and Nat?" Steve asked.

Bucky looked at him in the mirror as he started doing his make-up. "You can if you want, but you're not coming with us, you're going to take the pups and our stuff to our new place."

"What? No," Steve argued, "I'm coming with you."

"I need you to look after the babies."

"Bucky, no. I'm coming with you."

"Steve." Bucky turned around to look at him calmly. He had black glittery paint around both eyes. "Please. I can't do this if I'm worried about the pups. I need you to look after them for me. You're the only one strong enough to take them and all our stuff to the new location."

"Why don't we do all that together _then_ go get this Rumlow guy?" Steve pleaded.

"There isn't time for that," Bucky said, then stuck out his bottom lip. "Please? Please, please, please?"

Steve frowned, not liking this one bit. "Bucky..."

"Please, Steve."

"How do we know we can trust those guys?" Steve hissed, gesturing to the other room.

Bucky shrugged. "Sometimes you gotta take a chance on people. Like when I came to bust you out of your cell, even though you'd been such a cranky-pants to me. Remember that?"

Steve huffed, and his cheeks heated up with embarrassment. "Yeah, well. I wasn't feeling myself."

"And I still took a chance on you," Bucky said firmly. "Look, Steve, trust me, this isn't as big a deal as you're making it. I know these guys, I know what the risks are, and I know what I'm doing."

Bucky looked at him very seriously, and Steve searched his eyes for any doubt there. Bucky seemed determined.

Steve exhaled quietly. "I'm just... I worry, that's all."

Bucky broke into a smile. "I know, and it's cute. But what did I tell you when we first met?"

"Uh..." Steve blinked, a little flustered. "Your name was Bucky?"

"And?" Bucky prompted.

"And..." Steve tried to ignore his face getting hot, and recalled the time Bucky had first snuck up to his cell door dressed as a guard, having hacked into the security footage so no one would see him. "Oh..." Steve remembered what Bucky had said. "People underestimated you?"

Bucky grinned, and he opened a tube of mascara with a wet pop. "Exactly!" He turned back to the mirror and applied his make-up. Steve watched him for a moment, turning things over in his head.

"So... what exactly are you going to do when you see him?"

"I'll kill him," Bucky said, applying mascara to his lower lashes then smudging it with his finger.

"Yeah, but... how?"

"I haven't decided yet."

"Well, can I make a suggestion?" Steve asked.

Bucky met his eyes in the mirror. "Sure."

"I have a way you can kill him instantly, but only if you get within range."

"Ooh." Bucky smiled. "Tell me more."

 

 

~

 

 

"Okay, I'm ready," Bucky said, exiting the bedroom. He was back in his favorite outfit: the harlequin dress and tutu over tac pants, make-up on and hair in pigtails. "Which one of you lucky people gets to tie me up later?"

Clint chuckled at that, while Nat looked him up and down. "Don't you want something with more protection?" she asked.

Next to Bucky, Steve sighed. "I did try to tell him."

"I need to look vulnerable," Bucky said, rolling his eyes. " _Obviously_."

Nat nodded once. "Fair. I'll be your cover, so Clint can tie you up before you head to the location."

"Goody!" Bucky clapped his hands together. "Lemme go put the pups in the van, so they're safely out the way." He bent down and held his arms out for his dogs. "Come here, babies! Come to mommy."

Elvis and Beethoven both trotted over to him, pushing their noses into his hands.

"Good babies," Bucky told them. "I need you to be good babies for Steve. I'll be back soon." He attached their leashes, and got up to lead them outside.

Steve trailed along behind him, waiting as Bucky ushered the dogs inside the new van, not the ivy van, and blew them a kiss before shutting the door.

Bucky tried to ignore the twinge of worry he felt about leaving them, and made himself smile as he turned to face Steve.

"Here's the address," he said, producing a folded piece of paper. "It's been abandoned for years. Please remove any enormous spiders you see before I come and meet you. You know I hate them."

Steve smiled, and took the paper. "Alright," he said, and offered out a small capsule to Bucky. "Please be careful with this, Buck. One wrong move, and you'll wind up killing yourself."

"I'll be fine." Bucky took the capsule and opened the lid, inspecting the needlepoint tip. "This should do nicely."

 

 

~

 

 

 

Clint had a black SUV parked nearby, and they used it to drive back into the city.

Bucky gave Clint the address and explained the layout as Clint drove them through the dark streets, and they made their plan.

Once they were done talking shop, there was a moment's quiet and Clint asked, "You sure about this, Bucky?"

"A hundred per cent," Bucky replied, spread out on the backseat all to himself. "I need this asshole out of my hair."

"And after that?" Clint asked.

"We got a to-do list a mile long, and I wanna get back to it," Bucky said.

"Huh." Clint shared a look with Nat, riding shotgun. "You mean, you and Steve?"

"Yes."

Nat twisted round in her seat, looking at Bucky curiously. "You and Steve."

Bucky raised his eyebrows at her. "Is it time for The Inquisition?"

She gave him a little smile. "Are you happy?"

"Yeah, 'cause, you know," Clint interjected, "the offer still stands if you wanna come crash with us."

"Thanks, but I'm good," Bucky assured them. "Me and Steve, and the pups, and, uh, the ivy... we're having fun."

"You said Steve is poisonous?"

"Yeah," Bucky said, "so you probably don't want to jump on him again, it's not safe."

"Why is he poisonous?" Nat asked.

Bucky shrugged. "Lab accident. He survived and became like, a plant Superman."

"Can he fly?" Clint asked, making Bucky burst out laughing.

"No, Clint."

"You said Superman."

"I meant, like, with strength."

"Oh."

Nat chuckled, and sat back round in her seat. "So, you can't touch each other?"

"Um. Not really," Bucky admitted.

Nat and Clint were quiet, and Bucky felt the need to defend his current situation. "Look, I know it's not exactly normal, but so what? We're having fun. Steve's nice. He's nice to me."

Clint and Nat shared a look again, and Clint shrugged. "As long as you're cool, pal. That's all we're concerned about."

"I am cool," Bucky grumbled. "I'm very cool."

"We're only a few blocks away from the location," Nat pointed out. "Let me out here and I'll get in position."

Clint pulled over, and before Nat got out she leaned across in her seat and shared a quick peck on the lips with Clint.

Bucky couldn't help watching, envious.

Nat slid out of the car and closed the door. Clint put a finger to his ear and said quietly, "Good luck." Nat's figure melted away into the dark, and Clint reached back to offer a small earpiece to Bucky. "Here, put that in."

Bucky shook his head. "He'll notice. He's stupid, but he's not _that_ stupid."

Clint sighed. "Alright. Then you gotta follow the plan exactly."

"Sure thing."

They sat in companionable quiet for a while, waiting for Nat to get in position.

Curiosity got the better of him, and Bucky leaned forward to poke his head between the seats. "How long you been with Nat?"

"A few years," Clint drawled. "On and off."

"On and off?"

"Yeah. She likes her own space sometimes," Clint said with a shrug. "I like mine too."

Bucky frowned, trying to imagine what that'd be like. "Do you mean you see other people?"

"No, we just have time apart," Clint said.

Bucky made a face. He didn't understand that at all.

Then again, more than a couple people over the years had told Bucky he was clingy. He wondered if Steve thought he was too clingy. Steve had seemed happy so far sharing a home together, though. Bucky had never had that before, not without the other person getting mad at him or storming off a lot.

Clint twisted round to look at him. "What's that frown for?"

"Hm? Oh." Bucky shook his head. "I'm just thinking."

"Are you sure you're alright with that guy?" Clint pressed.

"Yeah." Bucky smiled wistfully. "I'm having fun."

"Just the no touching sort of fun?"

Bucky frowned at him. He was about to tell Clint about his and Steve's plan to make him immune, but then Clint touched his earpiece.

"Copy that," he said, then nodded to Bucky. "She's in position."

"That was fast," Bucky said, impressed.

Clint grinned. "Right? Anyway, I better tie you up and put you in the trunk."

Bucky laughed lightly. "All my life I've dreamt of a man saying that to me."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up for Rumlow appearance in next chapter, 24, but if you want to skip him entirely then skip to chapter 25 when it's up.  
> (Altho I think you'll like chapter 24!)


	24. Shoot to Thrill, Play to Kill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter with Rumlow in it, FYI. If you want to skip him, skip to next chapter when it's up.
> 
> Heads up for canon typical violence!

 

 

 

The trunk of Clint's SUV wasn't too bad, Bucky thought. Considering he had his hands tied behind his back.

Kinda hot though, and now Bucky had an itch on his nose he couldn't get to.

The car rumbled along slowly, and the suspension was really good. Bucky could hardly tell where they were, but then the telltale sound of wheels on broken asphalt signalled they'd arrived at the scrapyard. Bucky remembered that sound well.

The car door opened and closed, and distantly Bucky heard Clint's voice talking casually, getting closer to the trunk. Bucky got into character quick, and made himself start to sob and cry.

The trunk opened, and a flashlight shone in his eyes. Bucky whimpered, closing his eyes and allowing whoever it was to see his face. By his guess, it was the perimeter security, not Crossbones himself.

"Yeah, that's him alright," a gruff voice said. "You can go on in."

The trunk slammed shut again, leaving Bucky in the dark. He listened as Clint got back into the vehicle and started the engine, driving slowly.

Inside the scrapyard was a small car workshop, which was where Crossbones and his inner circle liked to hole up.

Bucky had never liked the scrapyard hideout because it smelled so bad. But it was useful to Crossbones because he liked using the automated compactor to get rid of evidence or worse, bodies.

Hopefully he wouldn't just sling Clint's car into the crusher because that could be tricky, Bucky thought. But he knew Crossbones' tactics: the guy was a smug asshole, he liked gloating. He'd likely take Bucky out, have a gloat in front of his men, then shove Bucky into an old car and put it in the crusher.

Bucky hummed under his breath to keep himself amused. Then the car stopped and the engine cut out. Bucky went quiet, listening.

With any luck they'd be inside the shop, with Nat hiding somewhere. Bucky heard voices, all guys, getting closer. They sounded jovial, and considering how late it was that meant they were probably a bit drunk.

Good.

Bucky got back into character and started to cry and sob. The more tears to get his make-up runny, the better.

The trunk opened, light flooding in, and Clint announced, "Here ya go."

Bucky whimpered for effect, and tried to hide his face. He'd witnessed more than a few of these exchanges before, so he knew the drill and fully expected it when two of the big lackeys leaned in and hauled him bodily out of the trunk.

So far, so predictable.

They dragged Bucky into the center of the clearspace of the workshop, with broken down cars on blocks and stacks of tyres all around them. Bucky made sobbing noises, and glanced at his surroundings, counting off the lackeys as he saw them.

The two holding him shoved him onto his knees on the floor, and with his hands tied behind his back Bucky had to balance himself to stop from falling face first into concrete.

He saw Clint's legs walk into his periphery, and Bucky trusted Clint to have his back. He also hoped Nat was enjoying all the excellent hiding spots nearby, probably crouched behind a car or crate right now.

"Well, look who it is," said a familiar voice, taunting and definitely a bit slurred with alcohol.

Bucky raised his eyes as Crossbones walked up to him, dressed in black cargo pants and a tank top, with no ammo vest or mask. Bucky wanted to smile, but managed to stop himself. He had to pay attention, or things could go south fast.

Crossbones came up to him, sneering down with clear disdain on his scarred face.

There had been a time, Bucky remembered, when he'd considered Crossbones handsome, charming even, and Bucky had overlooked his nastiness and the way he'd treated everyone around him.

But not any more. Bucky saw past that now.

Crossbones reached out and grabbed one of Bucky's pigtails, yanking his head sharply to the side and pressing his face close to his.

"You," he spat, sneering in Bucky's face, "stole from me? After everything I did for you?"

Bucky met his eyes, his heart thumping wildly. Coming face to face with Crossbones shook him a bit more than he'd anticipated.

"You know what happens to little punks who steal from me?" Crossbones hissed, still holding onto Bucky's hair.

Bucky held his gaze, and didn't say anything.

"What?" Crossbones snorted. "No smart reply? Got nothing to say for yourself now? You little––"

" _Ahem_ ," Clint cleared his throat pointedly. "You guys wanna pay me? 'Cause I got more jobs to do, I don't have all night."

"Yeah, yeah," Crossbones sneered, looking round at Clint. The slight twist of his head exposed the side of his neck, and Bucky took his chance. Inside his mouth, Bucky broke the capsule open and moved it between his teeth. He threw himself forward, sticking the dart into Crossbones' bare neck.

Crossbones shouted, throwing Bucky off of him. Bucky rolled away, undoing his hands from their bonds and landing in a crouch.

"What the...?" Crossbones felt at his neck where the dart was embedded, and started to list and sway on his feet.

"Boss?" One of the lackeys drew his gun.

"Now," Clint said, tossing a flash grenade onto the floor.

Bucky watched in delight as smoke filled the space, and Crossbones' lackeys tried pulling their guns but didn't even get a chance to aim before they went down from shots off fired behind them.

Natasha appeared through the smoke, gun aimed at the bodies on the floor. "I've swept the perimeter, but this is the last of them."

"Awesome," Clint said, waving smoke away from his face and coughing a bit. "Good job."

Bucky got up and strolled over to Crossbones, now lying on the floor. He was making sounds like he was choking, his face red and strained. Bucky crouched down, peering at the skin where the dart was: vivid green lines flowed out from the impact point. The poison had done its work.

Bucky smiled, and swung himself round to sit heavily on Crossbones' chest, making him gasp harder.

"Well, honestly, Rumlow," Bucky said, leaning forward to look him in the eyes, "I'm a little disappointed. I thought you'd make this _way_ harder. But!" He sighed dramatically. "I'm used to you disappointing me." He watched as Crossbones choked out his last breath, and went still.

Bucky felt on the other side of his neck for a pulse, and heard none. "And that's that," he said, getting to his feet.

Clint and Nat were waiting, and Bucky held his hand out to them. "Can I borrow a gun real quick?"

Nat tossed her gun to him, and Bucky caught it. "Thanks." He turned and aimed at Crossbones' body, firing off three rounds into his chest.

When he handed the gun back, Nat raised an eyebrow at him. Bucky shrugged. "Can't be too careful."

"C'mon, let's split," Clint said. "We'll drive you."

"Yay!" Bucky clapped his hands together. "Oh, wait." He ran over to the shell of an old Mustang, a car that'd been there since forever. Bucky leaned inside it and pulled at the backseat. With a couple tugs, it came free.

More than a dozen bundles of money sat inside.

"Here." Bucky began tossing the bundles over to Clint, who caught the first two then ran out of hands and dropped the next one. Bucky laughed. "You may as well take it. Your fee for helping me out."

"Don't you want some?" Nat asked, holstering her gun so she could carry some bundles of money.

"Nah." Bucky grinned. "Me and Steve have our own plans."

 

 

Clint drove them up to Yonkers, to the address Bucky had memorised.

"You sure this is the place?" Clint asked, as they drove slowly up a dark and unlit driveway to a sprawling estate.

"Uh huh." Bucky was pressed against the window to look, but he couldn't see much on the dark. "It's been abandoned for years."

"What was it?" Nat asked.

"Some institute for botanical research," Bucky said, as the car approached a locked gate.

"Well, the gate's closed," Clint mused.

Bucky peered through the window at the gate in the car's headlights. It was old and rusted, but Bucky spotted the familiar vines of ivy wrapped around its wrought iron railings. He smiled.

"That's okay. I'm gonna head inside."

Both Nat and Clint twisted round in their seats to look at him. "You sure?" Clint asked.

"Positive," Bucky said. "I'll be fine. Drop in to see me sometime, though."

"Here." Clint handed over a small burner phone. "If you need us, just call."

Bucky grinned. "Thanks. I owe you one."

"No sweat," Clint assured him. "Just take care, okay?"

"You, too." Bucky got out of the car and closed the door. He waved at Clint and Nat as they turned around and left, the car's headlights taking the light with them.

Bucky took a fortifying breath, and approached the gate. "Um, hello, ivy vine," he said. "Can I come in?"

The gate creaked ominously, but it opened up enough to let Bucky pass.

He skipped through. "Thank you!"

It was dark on the grounds, and the path was overgrown but Bucky could see just enough from the moon's light. After a short walk, the silhouette of the building came into view, and Bucky spotted the two vans parked outside.

He broke into a jog, calling out, "Steve? Are you there?"

"Bucky!" Steve's voice replied, and Bucky followed it.

Elvis and Beethoven started to bark, and they barrelled up to Bucky, jumping in excitement and sniffing him.

"Hi, babies!" he said, bending down to pet them.

They were very excited to see him, tails wagging and noses sniffing.

"Have you been good babies?" Bucky cooed, ruffling their heads.

Steve came into view, and Bucky stood up.

"Hey," Steve said. "It's a bit dark, but..."

Bucky threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around Steve's shoulders. To his surprise, Steve hugged him back.

Bucky hung on, revelling in the feeling of being held. They clung onto each other for the longest time, with Elvis and Beethoven sniffing around their feet and huffing excitedly. 

Bucky exhaled, and smiled to himself. "Thought you'd tell me it was too dangerous to hug you," he murmured.

"It probably is," Steve replied. "But I can give you a shot of antihistamine when we get indoors."

"Yay," Bucky said, stifling a giggle. "What's it like in there? Have you gotten rid of the spiders?"

"It's _huge_ inside," Steve replied, pulling away to look at Bucky. "I think I found a room to camp in for now. Wanna come see?"

"Hell yeah!"

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see the inspiration for Steve and Bucky's new home, I put some pics on my tumblr [here](https://jro616.tumblr.com/post/186677040975/the-abandoned-boyce-institute). It's the William Boyce Institute for plant research that was abandoned decades ago. I love abandoned buildings and overgrown greenhouses, and I think Steve and Bucky (and the dogs and the ivy) will have a lot of fun here!


	25. Take The Money And Run

 

_Five days later_

 

 

 

 

"We're here," Bucky said, parking their (stolen) car at the curb. He pulled up the handbrake and unbuckled his seatbelt. "Run me through what you're doing," he said, toeing off his sneakers.

"I go into the bank," Steve recited, "inconspicuous as possible. I wait for your diversion, then I go over to the manager and get them to transfer money into our dummy account."

"And let me know as soon as it's in," Bucky said, adjusting his pigtails in the car mirror. "I need to whip that money out quick, before anyone catches on and they reverse the transaction."

"Right." Steve nodded, and exhaled shakily.

Bucky looked at him, to make sure he was okay. Steve looked back at him, and smiled. "Are you nervous?" he asked.

"Me?" Bucky shrugged. "Only in a good way. I've robbed banks before."

"Oh," Steve said.

"But never like this," Bucky added quickly. "This is gonna be _way_ more fun."

Steve looked at him again, blue eyes sparkling and a big smile on his face. "Yeah, I think it will be fun."

Steve was incognito today: casual clothes, a ball cap, and a pair of sunglasses ready. Bucky was mostly casual too... sort of: colorful workout clothes, his hair in pigtails, and a very nice pair of headphones currently resting around his neck.

"Earpiece," Bucky said, offering one to Steve. He took it and put it into his ear, and Bucky did the same.

"Be careful, Bucky," he said, making to get out of the car. "I'll see you at the rendezvous point."

"You bet." Bucky smiled at him as Steve closed the door. "Testing Comms," he said quietly, as Steve gave him a thumbs up through the window.

"I hear you," Steve said, giving him one last smile before he walked away. "I'll let you know when I'm in position."

"Roger." Bucky reached behind his seat and pulled out his rollerskates. He opened the car door, much to the annoyance of the people on the side-walk, and stuck his legs out the car so he could put on his skates.

Bucky hummed to himself as he laced his skates up, ignoring the grumbles of people walking by. He put his sneakers into his backpack, and left the keys in the car's ignition when he got out and shut the door.

Bucky exhaled as he put the backpack on and stretched his arms up. He'd have time for some warm up stretches before Steve was ready.

"Let's get physical, physical," Bucky sang to himself, stretching his upper body. Then he turned around and used the car's hood to stretch his legs up one at a time. "I wanna get physical. Hm, hm-hm, physical." He glanced at the bank on the street corner: a small Manhattan branch of a large American bank.

"Come on, Steve," Bucky muttered, getting impatient.

"I can hear you," Steve's voice filled his ear. Bucky grinned.

"What are you doing in there?"

"They moved the seating area around since we were last in," Steve said. "I was just trying to find a good spot near the desks."

"Okay," Bucky said, setting both skates onto the side-walk. He used the rubber stopper on one foot to hold himself still as he bent his hands down to touch his toes. "Let me know when you're ready."

"Move out of the way, pansy," some white haired guy in a suit grumbled as he tried to shove past.

Bucky grabbed him and jabbed the tip of a knife into the guy's ribs, pulling him close to look him in the eyes. "What did you say?"

"N-nothing," the guy stuttered, fear in his eyes.

Bucky gazed back at him calmly. "That's what I thought. Now get out of my face before I cut you open right here."

The guy nodded, and Bucky shoved him away, making him stumble through the crowd of people on the side-walk. Bucky snorted, and tucked his knife back into his sleeve.

"Some people," he muttered. "Think they own the place."

"Buck, I'm in position," Steve's voice said in his ear.

Bucky smiled, and slipped his headphones on. "Hammertime!" He pushed off on his skates, skating casually down the side-walk as people jumped out of his way. "Move it or lose it," Bucky called, skating along until he reached the doors of the bank. "I'm coming in," he said into Comms.

"Ready," Steve replied.

Bucky threw himself through the revolving doors of the bank with a whoop, and entered the smooth tiled reception area doing a fast spin across the floor.

People leapt out of his way, gasping in shock and muttering complaints. Bucky had to smile, it was too easy.

"Excuse me!" a clerk in a suit tried to say, but Bucky pretended not to hear him as he skated around in circles.

"My, my music hits me so hard!" Bucky sang, dancing on his skates and spinning around.

"You can't skate in here!" the clerk said, before Bucky whooshed past him. "Get security!" he yelled in a fluster.

Bucky whooped for effect, and continued to skate around like he didn't have a care. As he spun round he scanned the room for guards, and for Steve.

 

Steve watched for a moment as Bucky created a brilliant distraction, and everyone in the bank stared at him in alarm.

Steve had to smile: Bucky had natural flair. He didn't have long though, he had to act fast. Steve dusted the first clerk he found and told them, "I need to see the manager right away. It's a private matter."

The clerk gave him a dazed smile in return, and gestured behind her. "Let me take you to them, sir."

 

 

Across town, Agent Sharon Carter had just left the city morgue to examine the body of none other than notorious criminal, Brock Rumlow, otherwise known as Crossbones.

He'd been poisoned by a dart to the neck, and had three gunshot wounds to the chest.

Definitely a premeditated murder, Sharon thought, and agreed with the Medical Examiner's report of homicide. The three shots to the chest had been close to the heart too, which suggested either a hired hit or someone who knew how to use a gun.

There was no rifling on the bullets, and the poisoned dart was even more unusual, and so far Sharon had no leads on this, but she had a hunch.

She was driving back downtown when a call came through on her workphone. Sharon pressed the button on the car's system to accept the call.

"Carter," she said, eyes still on the road.

"Agent Carter," Lieutenant Coulson's voice said. "I thought you might want to know, dispatch just reported a white male with dark hair in pigtails causing a scene in the City Bank branch off Broadway and Worth."

"You said _pigtails?_ " Sharon flipped the switch by the steering wheel, setting off the blue lights and siren on her car. "That's Barnes. I'm headed there now, Lieutenant. I want him detained immediately."

"Working on it," Coulson said. "The traffic is slowing down my units, but I'm sending all available officers to the scene."

"I'm only four blocks away," Sharon said, putting her foot on the gas. "Hold him till I get there."

 

 

"Buck, the money's in," Steve confirmed via Comms.

"Sweet," Bucky replied, and paused his skating for a second to check his smartwatch. "I'll transfer it and..." He spotted two security guards aiming their guns at him. "Hold that thought," he muttered, and threw himself into a spin, narrowly dodging bullets. "Hammertime!" he said, kicking his leg out as he executed a spin, smacking both guards in the face with his skate. They went down hard, and Bucky skated backwards across the floor as he looked around for more guards.

People had started running for the exit, screaming frantically. Bucky spotted Steve among them, his eyes wide as he looked at Bucky.

"You need help?" he asked, but Bucky shook his head.

"I got this, you get going and I'll meet you like we planned."

"Bucky––"

"Steve, get out of here." Bucky checked his watch again, logging onto his account as fast as he could tap, and transferring the money over.

This was the most nerve wracking part, but he wanted to get it done.

"C'mon, c'mon," he muttered, watching the screen.

Finally it said transfer complete.

"Yes!" Bucky said. "We're rich, buddy. We're in the money."

The _whoop-whoop_ of a police siren sounded outside, along with the screech of tires.

"Uh oh," Bucky murmured, and skated over to the revolving door to peep out. "Are you clear yet?" he whispered, hoping Steve was out of the way.

"I'm clear," Steve confirmed. "I'm not leaving until you're clear too."

"No problemo," Bucky replied. "I told you, I got this." He fished around in his backpack until he found what he wanted, as the cops outside pointed their guns at the door.

"You in there!" the cop's Tanoy blared out with a squeal. "Come out with your hands up!"

"If you insist," Bucky sing-songed, and pulled the pin from his smoke grenade. He tossed the grenade inside the revolving door and pulled at it, making it spin round. The grenade bounced outside and let off plumes of smoke, masking the door completely.

Bucky quickly pulled on a small set of goggles and a paper mask over his mouth, then slipped through the door while they couldn't see him.

Once out of the smoke and on the now clear side-walk, Bucky skated away fast to get out of their range.

"There he is!" a voice shouted, coughing from the smoke. "Stop right there!"

Bucky giggled and kept skating, knowing he was well out of range for a couple of beat cops to hit him.

He pulled the mask off his mouth and sang to himself as he skated onto the road, zipping between slow moving cars. "I fought the law and the law won, I fought the law!"

At the intersection, Bucky thought he was home free, but the smile dropped off his face as an unmarked car with flashing blue lights skidded to a stop in front of him.

A blonde woman in a suit got out and trained her gun on him immediately. "Barnes, hands up!" she shouted.

Bucky raised his hands, squinting at her. "Hey, you look familiar. Have we met?"

"Agent Carter," she said, using her car door as a shield while still keeping her gun on him. "I want you to come in quietly so we can talk."

"Oh, yeah, Carter!" Bucky smiled, remembering her now. The nice lady who'd asked him all the questions when they'd caught him. "Gee, sorry, Carter, but I really gotta be going."

"That's not gonna happen, Barnes," she replied. "Don't move, or I'll shoot."

"With all these cars and civilians around?" Bucky countered, and started gently edging his skates backwards. He had to get to the intersection, _now_.

"Barnes, I will shoot you."

"D'ya wanna know some secrets?" Bucky called back. "Doctor Zola uses inmates in a secret training program. It's in the lower levels of the facility."

That made her pause, Bucky saw the change in her features. It was the moment he needed, and he pushed out onto the busy road.

"Barnes, don't!" she yelled, as Bucky grabbed onto the tail-end of a small van.

"Shit!" he shouted, as he was pulled along at top speed. He had to keep his skates and knees steady, and he bent down low to keep his center of balance.

"Bucky!" Steve's voice in his ear sounded worried. "What's happening?"

"Had to take a little detour," Bucky gritted out, hanging on for dear life. The van hurtled along the road, whisking Bucky out of the path of the cops, but he couldn't hold on for much longer.

"Okay, that's far enough," he said to himself, and let go of the van. He broke into a fast skate to keep the momentum, with cars honking at him either side as they tried to avoid hitting him.

"Hey, get outta the road!" someone yelled from their window.

Bucky yelled back, "You get outta the road!"

He almost hit a signpost as he approached a turning point, and yelped as he reached out to wrap his arms around the post and bring himself to a skidding stop.

"Holy shit," he gasped, wilting with relief. "That was a close one."

"Bucky," Steve said, and Bucky groaned.

"I'm coming, Steve, hold your horses." He skated down a narrow alleyway to take a shortcut. Sirens blared in the distance, but Bucky knew the traffic was too jammed to keep up with him. "On my way to rendezvous point now."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I've been waiting to get to this part of the story! Thank you for reading and sticking with me!
> 
> (Behind the scenes photo of Harley on skates for BOP in Feb 2020 [here](https://66.media.tumblr.com/10fdb34d2c2284fd2a2359fbc4f1db82/5190dfc40efef9d3-82/s540x810/06907c71c6bc9bf64a958370f856c1346c6a3611.jpg).)


	26. Stick To The Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to reiterate to certain readers in particular: I don't want you to write unsolicited fanfiction of my own fics. I don't want your input or demands on how I write my plots either. So please do not comment with things like that in future on any of my stories.
> 
> Enjoy what I write how I write it, or don't read it. It's quite simple.
> 
> ~~

 

 

 

Bucky hummed to himself as he drove his (new and smaller) van up to the gates of his new home: the old abandoned botanical institute.

He stopped in front of the gates, encased in ivy vines, and wound his window down. "Steve, I'm home," he sing-songed, and watched as the ivy vines wriggled in response.

The gates creaked open slowly, and Bucky smiled. Talk about a home security system.

Then one long vine extended to Bucky's open window, offering him a small red flower.

"Oh," Bucky said, surprised. "For me?"

The ivy vine held the flower out, so Bucky took it in his fingers. He wasn't wearing any gloves, and he felt a faint tingle on the pads of his fingers from the stem of the flower, but nothing more.

"Thanks," he told the ivy, and the vine withdrew into the other vines.

Bucky set the little flower onto the dash, and drove through the gates. He drove up the winding path to the building, and parked outside. His new van said _Electricals_ on the side, with a bogus business name, which was a perfect cover.

Bucky got out and peeled off his fake mustache. It was a warm day, and he undid his blue work overalls so he was just in a t-shirt, tying the arms around his waist. He resumed humming to himself as he picked up the package that he'd gone into the city to collect, tucking it under his arm. Bucky also grabbed the red flower, then he trotted off into the building.

The place was a mess after years of neglect. Colorful graffiti adorned the walls, and Bucky kind of liked that. The building had certainly been grand once, a long time ago: the interior was huge, and had a bright, airy quality especially in the daylight.

Bucky picked his way through the debris, further into the building where he'd set up an office slash bedroom in one of the cosier rooms. He'd cleaned this room and laid down a lot of new cardboard, and placed (stolen) rugs on top.

The dogs slept in here with him at night, and sometimes Steve did too if he wasn't working in one of his greenhouses.

Bucky set his little flower to hang in a cobweb in one of the windows, disturbing a spider there, and headed over to his sleeping roll. He tossed the package onto his bed, and picked up the radio from its charger.

"Hi," he said into the radio, "I'm back."

He waited for a reply, knowing Steve must be working.

"Hey," Steve eventually replied. "Yes, I know. You got what you need?"

"Yup," Bucky said into the radio. "I'm gonna go ahead and set it up, if you're okay with the pups for now?"

"Yeah, they're playing fetch," Steve replied.

Bucky frowned. "With who?" he asked.

"The ivy vine," Steve said. "It's holding those handled stick things you pick up the balls with."

"Uh huh," Bucky said, wandering over to the window. "As long as the ivy doesn't touch the balls."

"No, not the balls," Steve confirmed. "The dogs are safe, don't worry."

"Okay," Bucky said, looking closer at the cobweb where he'd put the flower. The spider wasn't moving now, apparently dead.

Huh.

"Hey," Bucky said into the radio, "did you give me a flower? Or was that the ivy vine?"

"A flower?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, when I came through the gate," Bucky said. "The ivy vine gave me a little flower."

Steve took a long moment to reply, then his voice crackled through, "Don't touch the flower, and if you did, use that spray I made for you."

Bucky felt disappointed. Also, kind of bemused: either the ivy vine liked him, or... Well, maybe better not think about the _or_.

"Alright," he said into the radio. "I'm gonna go set up now."

"Okay, Buck," Steve replied.

Bucky set the radio back in its holder, then picked up the spray bottle Steve had given him. He spritzed his hands, working the aloe solution into his skin.

He didn't feel ill, or anything. Surely he was becoming immune by now. Bucky glanced over at the dead spider next to the flower.

Better safe than sorry, though.

Bucky got onto his bed and opened the package. "Ooh, yes, come to mama!" he said, unwrapping the modified modem.

He set it up, plugging it into the extension lead to the mains, then his laptop. Success, he was online and now totally protected.

Bucky lay on his front and tapped away on his laptop, opening a chat request. Kurt answered with a video chat, his bespectacled face appearing in the chat window. "Ah," he said, peering into the camera, "it work, yes?"

"Kurt, I love you, man!" Bucky grinned. "I'm gonna transfer the funds to you guys now, and send you over the plans."

"Mm-hm." Kurt nodded, then turned away to talk to whoever was off camera. He'd said he had a place with Dave and Luis, with Scott occasionally dropping by. Bucky was going to need all four of them for what he and Steve had planned.

"Okay, I send you account details," Kurt said, tapping onto his keypad.

Bucky received the numbers, and he transferred the money over. It was a large portion of the bank heist money which had been sitting in Bucky's super secret account since the robbery.

"Got it," Kurt confirmed.

"Great, I'm sending you the plans now," Bucky said. "I want you guys to look it over, and confirm by tomorrow if you're good. We only got a four days until this gala."

"Mm-hm, yes," Kurt hummed, looking at his screen. "It should not be problem. I will call you tomorrow."

"Great. Mwah!" Bucky blew a kiss at the screen. "Laters!"

He closed his laptop, and quickly checked his notepad for his list. So far, everything was on schedule. A tight schedule, but as long as they got help for the actual job, they'd be fine.

All he had to do now was finish up his and Steve's costumes for the gala, but he could do that later tonight.

Bucky got up and skipped along the halls. Time to go play with the pups.

On his way through the building, Bucky passed the biggest hall where he'd already rigged up a length of silk rope from the ceiling. Bucky ran at the rope, leaping up to catch it and whooping for joy as he spun round the entire room in two rotations. His voice echoed off the walls, and Bucky dismounted into a cartwheel.

What he really needed in here was smooth floors, then he could use his rollerskates. But for now, he skipped through the many rooms and hallways, exiting out onto the gardens at the back.

The greenhouses were all lined up in rows on the grounds, and Bucky headed over there. He spotted the dogs on the lawn, Elvis chasing a bouncing ball around, and Beethoven flat on his back sunbathing.

Bucky waved to them. "Hi, babies! Mommy's home!"

Both dogs looked over, ears pricked, and upon spotting Bucky they broke into a run to greet him. Bucky bent down to give them cuddles. "Aren't you the sweetest babies?" he cooed, petting their heads. "Yes, you are! Yes, you are!"

He fished in his pocket for doggie treats, tossing them into the air. "Here you go! Now play for a bit longer, I gotta go talk to Steve real quick."

The ivy vine was ready to toss the balls again, so Bucky left them to play. He entered the large greenhouse where Steve had set up his lab, making sure to close the door after him so the dogs couldn't get in.

"Hey," he said, looking for Steve among all the plants and greenery.

Steve's ivy and the overgrown plants that'd already been here had grown even more wild in the short time Steve had holed up in here.

"Steve?" Bucky called, edging his way carefully through the plants and vines.

"Over here!" Steve called back.

Bucky followed his voice, and watched in amazement as the draping vines lifted and parted way to reveal Steve at his lab table.

"Huh," Bucky said, eyeing the vines above him. "That's some neat camouflage."

"Right?" Steve chuckled. "Look, Buck, I'm almost ready with the plants!"

Bucky came over to his table, looking at the dozens of small potted rosebushes. "Cool," Bucky said, leaning on the edge of the table to look more closely at a rosebush. "What's it gonna do? Turn into a venus flytrap and eat the evil pharma executives?"

Steve gave him a flat look. "No, Bucky. These are going to be my bugs in every boardmember's home and office. I'll know everything they get up to."

"Maybe you should put a plant in their bathrooms too," Bucky joked, chortling at the idea of it. He glanced at Steve, seeing his unamused expression, and stopped laughing. "Or not," he mumbled.

Steve was pretty serious over this whole operation. No jokes allowed.

"Anyway!" Bucky said, straightening up with a stretch. "If you're all good, I'm gonna go play with the pups."

"Yeah, I have lots to finish up." Steve smiled apologetically. "I'll make dinner though?"

"If you insist." Bucky grinned, and turned to leave. Just then, the ivy vines bristled, and a couple dropped down to get Steve's attention.

"Oh," Steve said. "Uh, Buck? The ivy has some kids trapped on the southwest side that tried to get through the fence."

"Ugh, not again," Bucky grumbled. "Guess I'll go scare 'em off like I did with the last lot of nosy kids." He untied his overalls from his waist so he could put the arms back on. From his pockets, Bucky stuck on his fake mustache again, and a badge that said security. A peaked cap completed the look. Bucky caught Steve smiling at him. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing." Steve grinned. "It's just, I'm not used to seeing you like this."

"Like a dude?" Bucky smiled back, and twiddled the end of his mustache to make Steve laugh. "I'll see you at dinner," he said, and left Steve to his plants.

Bucky kind of hoped that after this big gala job was done he and Steve would have a bit more time together.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy the story!  
> Kudos and (nice!) comments fuel me ^.^ 
> 
> Here is a [rebloggable post for this fic on tumblr](https://jro616.tumblr.com/post/182167173890/one-shot-of-poison-roe87-multifandom-archive).
> 
> I am on [tumblr](http://jro616.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/jro616).


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